Took difficult child to a doctor's appointment this morning. Small shades of old difficult child appeared. Not huge, but husband and I are aware and alert. difficult child is sick (so stayed with us last night). I know he doesn't feel well. We've all battled "the crud" this week in our house, so welcome to the club. Today is his son's 4th b-day (he's not allowed to see him yet). He has regrets. Which is healthy, because the damage was real. LAST YEAR --- On difficult child's son's b-day he went into a drugged-up tailspin and intentionally laid down in traffic (2 lanes of traffic each direction, 35 mph speed limit). Cars dodged him. Someone called police. Police took him to psychiatric Unit. He stayed approx 10 hrs, then was released.....right back into meth/crime. THIS YEAR --- difficult child clearly has better coping skills now and, I believe, is genuinely trying. However, last night he announced that he was "still bipolar" and sometimes felt unstable (he's vacillating on seeing psychiatric for tx). Said he felt his head buzzing and separate from his body. YES, I'm aware of the range of things that can mean. difficult child said he would text me later to say he was "ok". I suspect he will text. I also suspect he'll weather this storm today. Although, I am aware of his past actions on this day and of relapse potential. Surprisingly, I'm not actively jumping to big conclusions about how tonight will go. But it is fair to say that it does remind me of last year and my heart beats a little faster today, just remembering the incident last year. It has that PTSD/anxiety twinge/feel about it. That stinks. Just came here to share my thumpity heart beat today. Thanks for listening.