Toxic parents

Discussion in 'Family of Origin' started by SomewhereOutThere, Jul 19, 2018.

  1. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Were you bullied by family even as a baby?

    In my family, my mother was the main bully to me and my sister. She later renociled with Sis (never me) but the damage to us was already done. Strangely brother, who was not abused, still has had people problems. We all have.

    Dad was not involved enough, but in my eyes he wasnt a bully, but he didnt help.

    There were other bullies in FOO but none had the ability to do the damage a cold mother did.

    Just a vent.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2018
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    The mother is almost always the cause of an inability to attach as an adult. The father is also often a factor. If you have problems attaching to other people and you were not adopted, the fingers point in only two places. Mother and father. They let you down. It is not your fault. You were infants, toddlers and.minor children. Their job was to love you like most parents do. That they abused or neglected you set the stage for lifeling problems. Dont blame yourself.

    My mother told me "When I was pregnant I was not excited. I felt nothing. When they first put you in my arms in the hospital, I felt nothing." Although obviously true, did she have to SAY it?

    To my sister she said "If it had been legal, you would have been an abortion." Though obviously true, did she have to SAY that?

    Does this sound familiar to any of you who had toxic parents?
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2018
  3. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    SWOT, How sad for a mother to feel that way. Obviously there must be something off with your mother. Don't let it hurt you any more than it already has. I hope you are enjoying Jack. Obviously you got a good loving gene from someone, I am glad and so are your fur babies!

    I was on the pill and had a doctor appointment scheduled to talk to my gyn about having my tubes tied and found I was pregnant with 3rd child. He was an easy pregnancy, easy delivery and a lovey baby and toddler. He is now my difficult one (when I look back he was defiant since he was 3). He drives me crazy and makes me really, really appreciate my other 2 and how easy they are. But even with all of that I am still his mom and don't want him to think for a minute that I don't love him.
     
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Tired out, the loving kind Morher heart you have is how normal morhers feel, no matter what their children do. Thanks for your compassion.

    I dont feel bad now. But I do know that any mother that doesnt feel love AT ALL for her babies (we are talking infants) has mental health and severre empathy issues, which shown in her treatment of all of us. She was a horrendous morher to her babies.I did well overcoming her negligience and abuse. I got help early in my life. It mattered. I do t think I ever forgave her ongoing abuse during her lifetime but she didnt want it. She continued to abuse. She never even loved my kids. She took her hate out on them. She actually never cared to meet my younger two kids. It was a blessing to my kids but more evidence of her lack of ability to bond and love even babies.

    I have shared what my mother said to me and to my sister with others, psychologists and friends. And nobody said,"My mother said that too!!" My mother tried her best to screw us all up. Didnt work with me. Honestly, most people were horrified by her cruel words.

    As I grew into an abused child, angry at her and trying to fight back, she tried to say I abused HER.

    Any dysfunction in my family is in her lap, due to her. It hard to overcome infant/toddler/child neglect and abuse. I made sure never to act like my mother with my kids.

    Jackson is a doll. He is sleeping next to me now :) i really love my furbabies!
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2018