Trying to move on

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Mar 19, 2012.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I couldn't just sit here thinking about it so I went into action. I went in her bedroom and took down the last of the pictures and packed away all the mementoes. Went to the mall and got a new comforter on sale and stopped at the paint store and got paint. It's going from deep lavender walls and black and white zebra print accessories to light blue walls and blue/white/yellow comforter. After I'm finished with that I will replace the carpeting. First I have to fix all the holes she put in the walls.

    So this is what will keep me busy until I can get past all the hurt. She is now smoking spice in addition to the pot and drinking non-stop. I got the insurance cancelled today without a problem. And now that I know just about everything I need to know I will delete her screen name from my aol so I won't be able to read her emails.

    God help her because I cannot any longer.

  2. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Oh Nancy, my heart goes out to you. You are such a role model to me. You know what to do and what not to do. It's so hard to realize you can't fix this for them.

    I'm glad you are making some changes and taking good care of you. Know I am thinking of you often...
  3. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    You're a dear person, and I'm glad you're re-doing her room. It's a concrete way of showing you're moving on, and I applaud you. I'm going to pray for you and your daughter; we all need God's help, that's for sure. Hugs to you.
  4. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Nancy - as usual, I think you're doing the right thing. And it hurts so much... But you have to.

    :hugs: We love you!
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wish I could come help you paint. Hugs to you as you continue this difficult journey.
  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Hey Nancy - I did the same thing within a week of difficult child leaving. It was definitely the right thing to do. A concrete sign to myself that I AM MOVING ON. It was also something that kept me busy...and it prevented his room from becoming some sort of shrine or allowing too much time to pass which would have made it a more emotionally "loaded" task, I think. It also kept me from going in there and laying on his bed and sobbing which I admit having done (in some weaker moments) in the fall.

    I was away over the weekend and am dealing with my heaviest work weeks - but I have read some of your posts and I want you to know I am thinking of you and keeping you close to my heart.

  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending heartfelt thoughts your way. I had to empty, scrub, paint and replace easy child/difficult child's room when he left home and moved into GFGmom's house to drink, smoke etc. My pain was so deep that I literally couldn't cry it away..Lord knows, I sure tried. I spent two full days tackling his room with lots of sob breaks.

    on the other hand when the room had blinds instead of curtains, the bed was positioned differently and had new linens, the feel of the room was "adult"...I left the door open all the time. No more closed doors needed because there was no more need for secrets. I'm so glad you are taking these steps as it can be a way to purge some of the biggest pains. My only suggestion (which may not be applicable with your husband) ask your husband if he wants to help or participate in some way. My husband who is very quiet and not good at communication surprised me by saying "It looks great. I wish I had helped you." It never occured to me to share that pain..but in our would have been a wise choice.

    Caring hugs. DDD
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL DDD, you don't know my husband. He will be very happy to come home and see it finished!!!!!

  9. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Nancy: I really admire you, because you are determined to move forward any way that you can. I think that changing her room is a wise thing to do. I am not ready yet to completely change my difficult child's room. I have to keep his bedroom door closed all the time, because whenever I look in his bedroom I get terribly sad. You are one strong mom, and I am
    Sending you Hugs.
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    LOL, Nancy. My husband is not the handyman type. If he changes a lightbulb you really wonder if he did it all by himself or hired someone. That's why it shocked me when he commented. In retrospect I figured that he needed some tangible closure step also. Just a thought. Hugs DDD
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are all so kind, I don't know how strong I am, it took me a year to finally do this. Last week I took some more pictures down but left two up her and her cousin but last night I just couldn't look at them anymore. I had to keep the door closed too but everytime I went in there I would look at the pictures and get a pit in my stomach and my throat would close up and I'd cry. Taking everything down really helped me and I know painting and changing things will help put a close to those old memories.

    Holes patched and sanded, except a few deep ones I have to redo again later. Room taped. Wait til husband gets home tonight lol. DDD likewise for my husband. He does not enjoy doing things like this although I giive him a lot of credit because he and I and easy child painted her apartment last October when she moved in. We actually had a good time, but of course he had to playfully complain a lot. When she asked if we should put two coats on you should have seen the look on his face.

  12. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Nancy, my mothers heart so goes out to your mothers heart. I am sorry you are in such pain but I am happy that you made the decision to redo your difficult child's room. in my humble opinion taking action keeps us out of the victim stance, keeps the energy moving in a positive way. You are making good healthy choices in an impossibly difficult and hurtful situation. I admire your commitment to yourself and your ability to continue to find your detachment in the midst of such heartache. I wholeheartedly agree, they are all in God's hands, and out of ours, I am right there with you. (((((HUGS))))))
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    We redecorated both easy child and difficult child's room after they left. I think that is sends a clear message. difficult child refers to husband's office as "the room that was formerly mine" and easy child refers to hers as the "grandma room" since she doesn't like how I decorated it. She thinks it is too sedate. Oh well, they don't live here anymore and that's how it should be.

    I used to have an old Navajo proverb in my signature. It said:

    At least, that is how it is supposed to work. I'm glad that you are keeping busy.

  14. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I admire you for keeping busy too! I sometimes become too exhausted from the worry to do any thing. This last time with my difficult child really hurt becaused I foolishly believed his lies. Now I feel like I am just too old for his ****!

    I volunteer a lot and have hobbies to keep me busy. I'm usually OK during the day but I wake up with this feeling of dread.

    (((blessings to us all)))
  15. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Good for you Nancy... I really admire you and how you get set back momentarily by your difficult children actions and bad decisions but then you always find a way to keep on going. You are an inspiration to me, truly.

    I know my daughter making over my sons room and taking it over as her own has been really good for me. I am not sure I would ever have done it myself but I was glad to help her do it... and it looks completely different now (and much better).

  16. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    I'm so sorry Nancy. I do hope redoing the bedroom provides just the right type of distraction for you right now.
    Deep Sigh.

  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This all makes me so sad but making over her room was something that needed to be done anyway. She was never going to return as a child again. When Cory and Mandy left we made that room into Keyana's room.
  18. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member

    Nancy. Hugs to you. I know this can't be easy for you. I'm sorry.
  19. Mrs.McNear51

    Mrs.McNear51 Member


    Praying for you guys tonite...Keep the faith mama. I have been where you are with Sweet Bets so many times. Where there is life, there is hope. My guess is, with what you have given her, she'll figure it out...maybe not today or tomorrow, but she will. Hang in there.

  20. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Thinking of you Nancy...praying for you all...