UAN.... did you tell H your news/decision?
- Thread starter buddy
- Start date
T
TeDo
Guest
Good thing you asked Buddy. You're always one step ahead of me.
UAN, so did ya'...huh....did ya'?
UAN, so did ya'...huh....did ya'?
Well, we had the family session over the phone because husband had to have an emergency dental appointment. He acted on board, believing the therapist that there really is a problem, not just made up 3 weeks ago. Then I got home and he was asking me when i am going to work, tomorrow? Meaning Thursday or Friday! I said, are you joking? Did you hear that?, you answered and acted like you understood. Also, I can imagine his frustration. This is getting old, but he is thinking I'm crazy for getting help- that part is what I'm doing wrong and being crazy about. He was even told i am most likely ending up in the hospital. Later the Dr told me, after the family session that I am having to go there. more later
hearts and roses
Mind Reader
Hugs, UAN, I'm sorry H isn't getting it yet. Sending hugs, support and healing thoughts your way.
buddy
New Member
gosh, sorry he is missing it. Probably in huge denial??? Must be scary to think your wife is actually that sick??? I hope he figures it out because it will be important for your recovery. Still, he doesn't need to get it all at once I suppose, so you still need to move forward and you can work it out during family sessions etc. Let us know what's up, hope you are doing ok in the mean time. HUGS
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Men dont get it honey. Tony swears he understands that I am disabled and have all this junk going on but then he does this "but if" stuff. The "you could do more if only you did XXX". It drove my therapist to drink. Which reminds me I forgot to tell him I am restarting therapy with her and we are going to be paying out of pocket...lmao. This is because he is pushing his brother on me. Tit for tat.
buddy
New Member
At least yours are healthy t*Tourette's Syndrome. His tats are just a little selfish if you ask me... Not that I am unsympathetic about worry for ones own brother...but you come first.
(OH MY did I say that??? I am gonna leave it, I didn't mean it the way it came out... so I will star the word so it is not actually what it came out to be)
(OH MY did I say that??? I am gonna leave it, I didn't mean it the way it came out... so I will star the word so it is not actually what it came out to be)
UAN...
We say this about our kids, but I think it applies to DHs too... they do well when they can.
His reactions are probably far more about what is going on inside him, than about you at all.
Doesn't make it easy for you. But maybe it will help a little if you don't take it as a personal attack.
So often, I have to do that with husband... and later, when he's had time to process, he comes around.
Meanwhile, do what you have to do to to get well.
We say this about our kids, but I think it applies to DHs too... they do well when they can.
His reactions are probably far more about what is going on inside him, than about you at all.
Doesn't make it easy for you. But maybe it will help a little if you don't take it as a personal attack.
So often, I have to do that with husband... and later, when he's had time to process, he comes around.
Meanwhile, do what you have to do to to get well.
Hound dog
Nana's are Beautiful
UAN
husband is probably trying to *get it*, but guys have a much more difficult time with such things. Not only does he have to face the mental aspect, but he has to face the threat to your health as well, and that is a serious threat.......and hard to handle.
husband never *got* my chronic illness either.........oh, he did on some basic level.........but as in how it relates to everyday life? No, not really. But other people rarely do unless they have some experience to base it on. Odds are husband is seeing this as "just a weight thing", and since you're under and not over, he's not quite grasping the seriousness. You might want to print out some educational material on the physical repercussions for him to read. (sometimes it just goes over better NOT coming directly from us)
((hugs))
husband is probably trying to *get it*, but guys have a much more difficult time with such things. Not only does he have to face the mental aspect, but he has to face the threat to your health as well, and that is a serious threat.......and hard to handle.
husband never *got* my chronic illness either.........oh, he did on some basic level.........but as in how it relates to everyday life? No, not really. But other people rarely do unless they have some experience to base it on. Odds are husband is seeing this as "just a weight thing", and since you're under and not over, he's not quite grasping the seriousness. You might want to print out some educational material on the physical repercussions for him to read. (sometimes it just goes over better NOT coming directly from us)
((hugs))
Wait, this gets better! So The dr at my IOP said he didn't have room for me right now in his in-patient program, so I could go to Renfrew. Great, I was there before- I'll go there, I called Renfrew (no waiting list to get in) and they sent paperwork over to my GP for him to fill out. I went there yesterday (still need to get bloodwork on Monday) when I got home from the gp's office husband wanted to know where my note for work was. We had a HUGE fight because he thought I was going to the GP for a second opinion and NOW this guy will give me my note!!!! So, where the heck is it???? UH........husband, no note. In fact if he did give me a note and I went back to work, they woud take one look at me and send me to their own private dr, on their dime, and I'd be right home, which would be worse for me at work.
. WAY WORSE.
That happenend 2 years ago, but their (the school district I work for) dr said I was fine and I worked another 2 weeks before I went back to the hospital- this was awhile ago. I'm sure he would never allow for that same approval to be given, considering what happenend last time he "approved "me back to work. That cost $438 dollars to my district, I saw the bill. Anyway,
My weight was 90 on Wed, 91 on Thurs, and 92 Fri---people 's weight fluctuate. Once I go to the bathroom, who knows what it is.
So, Once I get the bloodwork done, supposedly it takes 24 hours, Renfrew will call me and tell me when I can come. husband will know when I get the call, I'm not fighting with him. Although I did accuse him of wanting me to die. At which point he just kept saying, I want to you to get help. So, I said good, that's what I want as well, so I repeated what he said and we left it there because I'm getting help my way, and he'll know soon. At least he said he wanted me to get help. But somehow I gained and maybe I'll keep gaining and not have to go. I have no idea how that happened, by the way.It's freaking me out. But he is on board with me getting help. That was the best I could get for now from him.
Also, my paperwork from the IOP place that "took" me out of work in thefirst place gave my return to work date as March 31, 2012. Because after In-Patient I would go back to my same IOP program for awhile to make sure my weigth is stable. Plus, that is the 12 week federal family leave act I can take. husband has to know things in baby steps. BUT I'm mad as heck, I still get most of my paycheck, what does he care????? If I'm not here, he won't have to buy me food, movie tickets, or whatever, there is the difference in money. I guess the maid and chef will be gone. I'll let you know when I'm leaving. Thaks for being the one place I can get this off my chest!
. WAY WORSE.
That happenend 2 years ago, but their (the school district I work for) dr said I was fine and I worked another 2 weeks before I went back to the hospital- this was awhile ago. I'm sure he would never allow for that same approval to be given, considering what happenend last time he "approved "me back to work. That cost $438 dollars to my district, I saw the bill. Anyway,
My weight was 90 on Wed, 91 on Thurs, and 92 Fri---people 's weight fluctuate. Once I go to the bathroom, who knows what it is.
So, Once I get the bloodwork done, supposedly it takes 24 hours, Renfrew will call me and tell me when I can come. husband will know when I get the call, I'm not fighting with him. Although I did accuse him of wanting me to die. At which point he just kept saying, I want to you to get help. So, I said good, that's what I want as well, so I repeated what he said and we left it there because I'm getting help my way, and he'll know soon. At least he said he wanted me to get help. But somehow I gained and maybe I'll keep gaining and not have to go. I have no idea how that happened, by the way.It's freaking me out. But he is on board with me getting help. That was the best I could get for now from him.
Also, my paperwork from the IOP place that "took" me out of work in thefirst place gave my return to work date as March 31, 2012. Because after In-Patient I would go back to my same IOP program for awhile to make sure my weigth is stable. Plus, that is the 12 week federal family leave act I can take. husband has to know things in baby steps. BUT I'm mad as heck, I still get most of my paycheck, what does he care????? If I'm not here, he won't have to buy me food, movie tickets, or whatever, there is the difference in money. I guess the maid and chef will be gone. I'll let you know when I'm leaving. Thaks for being the one place I can get this off my chest!
S
Signorina
Guest
I don't know the backstory but I can feel your pain and I just want to say that I will be thinking of you. Your H's statements are unacceptable and you need to take care of you and I wish you peace and healing in the days ahead.
H
HaoZi
Guest
A motel sounds like what you need - one with a nice big tub (maybe a jacuzzi tub) where you can relax with a nice book. You don't need not so D H treating you like this. Seriously, your husband wanted a note? Then yells at you, like that's going to help matters. Heck with the hotel, husband needs a swift kick in precious areas.
