Unbelievable mother in law and husband drama (Long, but what else is new with my threads?)

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by keista, Nov 2, 2011.

  1. keista

    keista New Member

    If anyone remembers, mother in law passed away back in August. It was presumed that I would be clearing out her apartment, but since I wasn't next of kin, I wasn't allowed access. I was really P.O.'ed because I had lent her several items that I fully expected to get back, but it seemed as if I wasn't going to.

    At the beginning of Oct, I called the assisted living place to find out when her stuff would get donated. I had half a chance of getting my things back for a reasonable price or even a donation trade (it's the same place I take my overstock inventory to). While I was on the phone I noticed a page in her lease agreement that had eluded me. It clearly stated that I was the responsible party for clearing out her apartment. I brought that up and asked if that had been changed. No it hadn't. OK, they will send a new notice out including me that descendants are to make arrangements to come get whatever they want.

    Now don't get confused, but this becomes part of the story. Last week was husband's birthday. I had the kids give him a call, (to his cell phone, by the way since tha't the only # we have for him) but he didn't answer. It went to voicemail. Hmmmmmmmmmm Not surprised. Checked his ID activity on a site we both used to play games on. He hadn't made any moves all day long. VERY odd. I guess they went on a day trip for his birthday. He called the kids back the next day and they were able to wish him a happy birthday and chat for a few minutes.

    So, today was my appointment to get my stuff. Got almost all of what I was looking for. A chest of drawers (vintage that I got at auction for $7), the TV I let her use and the bedside table that matches the one I kept. The phone apparently died :( because she had purchased a new one. I also took her checks so I could destroy them properly and close out her accounts. When we opened the account, I was listed as POA and beneficiary. She had tons of other paperwork, but none of it was to be found.

    As I was leaving, I asked if they had made any contact with the son in CA. The number I had for him was no longer his number, so I was curious if he had been informed. Yes, she said. He didn't want anything and neither did his sister who is also on the West Coast. She went on to say that "the other one was here last week." WTF???????????? REALLY???????????????????? Did she come alone? NO, she was with J. Seriously? Really? Are you sure? Yes, all they took were the recipe cards (ah, and all her paperwork, but whatever)

    So, yeah. husband, who is accusing me of being an unfit parent, accusing me of blocking his attempts to see the kids, claiming he wants sole custody of the children, was IN TOWN, less than 5 miles from my house, and did not make an attempt to see his kids. NICE!!!!!!!! I was LIVID! BUT also see that this is VERY good evidence against him for the divorce proceedings. :)

    I went home and unloaded the stuff. Called a friend to vent and then collected myself enough to check her checking account. It was still open and had substantial money in it. STRANGE. She was on SSI, but, she did cash in her funeral insurance, so maybe she was really making that stretch? Anyway, there was money there and 'they' hadn't drained it, so off to the local branch I went to protect it. So I got a rep to help me close the account and I started telling her the story. "Oh!" She says. "I'm the one that talked to you last week." ??????????? No, that must have been D. She asked for my ID and said "yeah, you are on the account. The other woman wasn't and I couldn't give her any info."

    So all that money in her account? SS and SSI still made deposits for Sept and October and were getting ready to deposit for November. Since mother in law is dead, the POA ceases to be valid, but I can't do anything with the account without a death certificate. However, she was helpful and did everything she could do. Started paperwork to return SS and SSI money, canceled the debit card, and put a fraud alert on the account in case they try to cash a check at a branch. Nothing they can do if they cash a check elsewhere. UHG.

    So, I called to find out about the Death Certificate, and they couldn't find her in the system. Woman had a thick accent, so I'm not sure if she typed the name wrong or if the name is wrong on the cert, which would explain why SS and SSI "didn't get the memo". so tomorrow I go get the cert, deal with SS and SSI, and deal with the bank. Oh, and she's got an automatic deduction out of her account to another bank - probably her CC, so I have to try and figure that out and stop it as well with just minimal information. JOY!
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    WHY oh WHY do I have a feeling I'm going to run into this sort of thing?

    I am financial POA and on all of mother in law's accounts... Which means that, if her Alzheimer's takes a nasty turn suddenly or she passes, all heck is gonna break loose (pretty sure sister in law and my niece are gonna want "all of it", and while I have no issues with sister in law, niece deserves about $1)... And I highly doubt there will be anything anyway. mother in law spends money like it's water.

    I am keeping you in my thoughts, having to deal with all of this...
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    My DEX tells everyone in town that I keep Wee from him. Most of his previous girlfriend's have figured it out relatively quickly, but this current one (whack job) wants to believe him so bad sometimes she does.

    Funny, tho. Wee sees his mother every.single.day... Be kinda hard to keep him from seeing Wee when his own mother has him all the time...

    I'm sorry you are having to deal with any/all of this. Particularly with a jerk husband. Dweeb.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    you must be exhausted. So much to do and to keep straight. But mostly what a jerk. These guys (and gals in other cases) just dont get how much they are missing.
  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest


    just a thought - you may want to go online to the credit report sites and fill out the online forms to notify them of her death. While it's not a huge deal if someone "steal her identity" because she can't be held liable for the fraudulent charges - it's very disheartening when it happens.

    After my dad died, the PLUMBER who came to fix the bathroom sink learned of his death and apparently applied for and received credit cards in my dad's name. Like salt in a wound. One of the CC applications triggered at fraud alert and they called my mom - she was all ready devastated all ready and the fraud nearly gave her a nervous breakdown.

    I guess it's a common occurrence perpetuated by both friends, relatives and strangers. People justify it that there is no real victim since the person is dead - but we all know better.

    Just my $.02

    And I am sorry about your mother in law - you sound like you were a wonderful daughter in law to her. I am sorry your exh is being a total jerk too.

    Death brings out the worst in people sometimes.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Kinda an oxymoron isn't it? That you order Life lock for a deceased person.

    Nice that he was less than 4.5 minutes away from your er.....HIS children and couldn't make the effort. What a toad.
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    Step, If mother in law is still able to, make sure beneficiary is listed on all accounts, and/or set everything up in a revocable living trust - assuming there's a house or retirement accounts and such. That way if she does turn for the worst, trustee takes over easy peasy.

    YUP! husband is a ....... there really are no words to describe him. But in court? This so works to my advantage. I have a disinterested third party as a witness! I am no longer concerned about letting the judge be the final decision maker on custody or visitation. This is pretty damning.

    I considered sending him a nastygram through that game site (he refused to give me his email address back in January), or even calling him and chewing his head off. I'm over that now. Instead I went subtle and changed my ID on the game site to "Really? I mean REALLY??????" and changed my location to "It was only 5 miles" Don't know if he has my messages archived or checks my account ever, but that tiny action made me feel much better :)

    As far as I know, once a person is deceased, their SS# gets listed as deceased. If a creditor is stupid enough not to check or believe the reported status, I'm really not going to worry about it. I've got enough to deal with in this situation.
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    OMG! He took the bait! He changed his ID to "3 weeks with aunts and friends" and his location to "and no time for their father":rofl:

    If anyone remembers, I had sent him our vacation itinerary because I requested the court's permission to take my kids out of state. KNOWING the entire itinerary, and the fact that last year I OFFERED to detour for the kids to visit with him, he still did NOT ask me for a repeat detour this year - yup. True difficult child form, he expected me to offer again. So, that's his argument. He expects the kids to act like adults and he gets to act like a difficult child and it's all THEIR fault. UHG! This guy is so defective! Seriously, I don't know what I was thinking when I married him.

    Anyway. Got mother in law's death certificate and found out why SS was not notified. Her SS# is not on the cert. WTF? She went from the hospital to the coroner's. Hospital had her SS#, so they either forgot to send it with her or the coroner didn't look at the paper work. They now know. Now I wait for SS to get their money back and then the bank contacts me to close the account. The bank that holds the CC was very cooperative although closed mouthed because legally they are supposed to be - I'm not on that account.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That is ludicrous. Not sure how the body was disposed of but any one who either accepted the body for a funeral or what have you should have made sure that SS was notified. That is like the first thing they do with anyone old enough to be getting SS. I know when my mom died I didnt have to do the contacting nor did my step-mom, the funeral home did. That is so that people dont have to deal with people getting too many checks and end up with SS coming back and yanking them back out of the accounts the next month and making it mighty hard.