Update back to prison?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by rejectedmom, Mar 26, 2008.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Well difficult child did find a new place to stay after being asked to leave the program housing he was in. He went to a soberhouse recommended by some of his AA buddies. Unfortunately after a week he was asked to leave there also because he couldn't manage to get up the day after moving in to report for a 4am job that the temp agencey had set up. since he didn't report the temp agency couldn't (translate wouldn't) find any other work for him so he couldn't pay his $125/week rent and again was out of housing. This was Friday evening before Easter. difficult child had called and asked if he could come home and when I said not yet because he hadn't worked the program long enough to inspire any confidence in me that he would not just go right back to his old ways he hung up the phone with me. I had told him to go to the shelter and reapply for the program housing in 90 days. He said he would call right back but didn't. Enter his AA buddies again, one of which took him home to stay with him until difficult child got on his feet (ARRRRRRRRG!). We didn't hear from him the entire holiday weekend I figured he was just mad and let it go. Easter sunday I wanted to take him to brunch and we still hadn't heard from him so I called the shelter only to find out he was not there. On Monday morning I called the program director who told me that difficult child's girlfriend hadn't reported in either. It was assumed they were together. (They were not.) I then called difficult child's mental health worker to see if she knew where he was and she didn't BUT get this... she reported him missing to his PO. I didn't know this until yesterday. Anyway difficult child finally called me on Monday evening around 5pm. He told me where he was and that he was looking for a job. I asked if he had been in touch with his PO to tell her that he had moved again and he said not yet. I told him to call his PO ASAP and let her know where he was. He said he would do it Tuesday since the office was closed for the day. He never got the chance. First thing tuesday morning I called the mental health worker to give her difficult child's telephone number and tell her that he was safe and with his AA friend. She then told me that a warrant was out for difficult child's arrest. The PO had violated his parole because of her Monday e-mail stating he was missing. She basically said that it was her fault but that she was obligated as a county worker to report these things. That would have been fine, except she then said that she would have been in alot of trouble if difficult child had gotten hurt or into trouble and she hadn't reported him missing. So I now question if there was any real concern for difficult child's welfare involved. She said that she would e-mail the PO again and see if the warrant could be revoked but she doubted it. I asked if she would call me back when she knew what was going to be done. I have heard nothing. I called the PO this afternoon but she didn't take or return my call. So now difficult child is probably going back to jail for basically just being unable to work and unable to follow a buget when he was working. This is justice for a severly mentally ill individual with borderline intelligence and substance abuse issues. :(
  2. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    I completely know your pain. No stumbling allowed when jumping through all the hoops. Hope he gets a chance to figure this out, but they usually just put them in jail and wait it out.....Sorry
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sadly, I too completely understand. It is completely mindboggling how distorted "the sytem" is when dealing with minor criminal offenses and m.h. issues. Somehow they seem to set the multiple dangerous people
    back out in the world pronto......and focus on the weak.

    Sending sincerely felt caring thoughts and hugs. DDD
  4. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    WMM and DDD, I agree rapists walk with a couple of months around here and the murderer get 15 years. My son has already done two years for a crime the master minds of which did three months for. I feel that he has paid his dues and he has been sober for a month now after slipping twice in 6 months. So why beat him up now? I think it stinks. And they tell him it is my fault because I told him he couldn't come home. Why isn't living with a sober buddy OK? I don't get it. Oh well, I can't change it and I can't accept it. What now? -RM
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    I don't know the intricacies or the ins and outs of your story, although I have tried to follow it as best as I could since I have been here.

    I do know that no matter how old our kids get, our mommy hearts hurt when things like this happen. This was SO not your fault. It really does not seem like anyone's "fault", but it stinks to high heaven that nothing can be done about it. I am so sorry.

  6. Sondar

    Sondar New Member

    Please remember that this very thing could have happened if he were living with you. We are in the boat with you -- our difficult child was dismissed from a court-ordered rehab and so returned to county jail. He has sat there for a week and is supposed to have a hearing "some time". He is confused and we are even more so.

    Hugs ... it's not easy coming up with new ideas at this point. But we will.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    You know what? I DO NOT ACCEPT THAT SITUATION OR RESULT OF THE REPORT TO THE PO. I DO NOT! I can tell you this much - IF he is living with someone (AA Buddy) he most likely WILL NOT qualify for a public defender. SO in order to get indigent services he needs to be homeless. If he is homeless he will go to jail. If he is in a rehab/situation he DOES qualify as indigent. If he lives with you? He will not.

    If you can't get him in to see his PO and have the warrant revoked....then I WOULD and (have in our own case) written the solicitor and told them that my son is mentally ill. THAT HE NEEDS HELP - NOT prison. When he gets a public defender - you go see him too.

    There is NO SHAME in fighting for SERVICES for our kids. This country should hang it's head in shame after what deinstitutionalization has done to the entire balance of things. The proposal that was supposed to give mentally ill people rights - was grossly misrepresented by grubby lawyers in ONE situation - once they won they used that statue it became a guideline for twisted logic.

    If you squeek loud - maybe someone will hear you. Of course I do not advocate your son coming home - but I DO see an opportunity to MAKE YOUR SON realize THIS IS IT - you need to do A, B, & C - or go to jail and no one wants that for him.

    If you can get A, B & C in place then MAYBE - MAYBE by the time he gets to court he has a fighting chance of saying ' LOOK JUDGE - I have done THIS, this and THIS in x amount of time" and I'm trying - I don't want to go back to jail.

  8. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    difficult child's Po called me and she is asking for a review but since no one has an address for difficult child right now and he didn't call her like he said he would it is likely that he won't show up because he won't get the notification of time and place. If that happens PO said that a warrent will then be issued. Ihaven't heard from difficult child since monday and the number he called from just rings and rings and rings when I try to call him.

    Star, I agree that things are awful in this country for the mentally ill and addicted. Unfortunately at this point not knowing where he is I can do nothing. I hope he calls soon so I can help him through this. If he had only listened to me and gone to the shelter...

    Sondar, I am sorry that you also are struggling with the system. We need change.
  9. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    If you squeek loud - maybe someone will hear you. Of course I do not advocate your son coming home - but I DO see an opportunity to MAKE YOUR SON realize THIS IS IT - you need to do A, B, & C - or go to jail and no one wants that for him.

    If you can get A, B & C in place then MAYBE - MAYBE by the time he gets to court he has a fighting chance of saying ' LOOK JUDGE - I have done THIS, this and THIS in x amount of time" and I'm trying - I don't want to go back to jail.

    Perfectly said. We never had ANY action until we started to be a bit nasty and push the law. They don't like to do it...they're over worked. Calling PO's, ect, was a waste of time. I physically had to meet face to face.

    The other thing we did was submit 5 days before court date was a document that listed everything we've gone through for the past years. I think the judge was overwhelmed, but it gave him a good perspective of what real life was for our difficult child.

    I wish you luck. It's very frustrating.

  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    RM -

    Just a thought -

    Our Post MAIL box has a street address then says PMB XXXX

    Do you suppose.....you could get THAT for him as an address?

    Instead of putting

    1235 Anywhere Street PMB - put
    1235 Anywhere St. Suite 300?

    Just a thought.
  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    so true, the system in this country is not good. it is a warehouse mentality with little effort in truly correcting problems. recidivism is high, busloads of prisoners are taken to prisons daily. Once in, there is more hopelessmess, and long times of emptiness and boredom, danger, poor medical help and nearly no psychiatric services. People in cages, pacing like lions at the zoo, with even less concern for their wellbeing and health than the lions get.

    I am sorry you are going thru this time of concern for your son. Even if he had gone to the shelter, things could have gone bad. I am glad you want to still help him. he will need an advocate. Someone who cares for his welfare and has not given up on him totally.

    So, what you CAN do is to continue as always to pray for him. May God oversee, remember that God does know where he is right now and gazes upon him with love for him. May God point him to those who can help him on the path that will be best for him. I add my Amen to your mothering prayers.
  12. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I am glad to see you ants mom! I know there are others here that need your wisdom. Maybe you can stay a while.!!