update on daughter difficult child 2 and thank yous

[sandrainde]

my daughter saw a doctor today. they are giving her a low dose of lamictal. made a diagnosis of mood disorder not otherwise specified. doctor thinks it maybe bi-polar given her actions and family history.

her dad and stepmum spoke to her about the cutting. first she did some "lying" according to her stepmum (via im) about how "first she said she did it because 2 of her friends were giving her a hard time. saying she was stupid, worthless and things like that." her stepmum replied "BS. since when do you hang out with people that talk to you like that? since when do you allow people to talk to you like that?" i can see that since my daughter is a person that really would not allow another person to speak down to her. also according to her stepmum
"the whole thing was pre-meditated. she planned it." for attention.

i am at a lose, because in my humble opinion either way something is wrong somewhere.

so for now i am being kept informed by her dad and stepmum (more her stepmum)

it is honestly killing me inside- since i know what it is like because with my PTSD years ago, i use to put out ciggy butts on my arm. i did to feel the pain that was inside. that was gee i would say well over 13 years ago. i have always been honest with my kids about my PTSD and the family history. how can you NOT? kids ask questions especially the why dont i know my grandparents..why this..i am sure you get the picture.
i think i am blaming myself...then again as a mother i blame myself for alot of things that go wrong. as a mother i think that is normal.

i want to thank those who posted in my previous post. i can not think you all in words. just knowing that i can vent and someone will understand is more than i can ask for.

my son is still in RT. so for right now i am not flying out. i think we as parents agree that spending the money to fly out, when we dont know when he is getting out- and to make an appearance right now- would be unwise. it is alot of money to fly to the usa from germany- and i am picking up my son anyways after RT. so for now we are just going to wait.

in the meantime, i will speak to her (daughter) via telephone.
i am off for now. i have not slept in the past 24 hours since i found this all out.

 

[Marguerite]

I hope you're getting some sleep.

I don't think this is attention-seeking cutting, but I am glad her stepmother 'called' her on it. Can you talk to your daughter about your own experiences? And try to not feel guilty - just because you did similar things did NOT make your daughter do it too. You did not put the blade in her hand.

If your daughter has this sort of pain inside, is it possible that the friends she describes are really her own negative thoughts about herself?

Just a thought.

Marg

 

[sandrainde]

I hope you're getting some sleep.

I don't think this is attention-seeking cutting, but I am glad her stepmother 'called' her on it. Can you talk to your daughter about your own experiences? And try to not feel guilty - just because you did similar things did NOT make your daughter do it too. You did not put the blade in her hand.

If your daughter has this sort of pain inside, is it possible that the friends she describes are really her own negative thoughts about herself?

Just a thought.

Marg

i did get some sleep, thanks to allergy pills.

see i thought the same thing you did. on her feelings- and wondered if she just said that to pasify her step-mum and dad.

years ago, i spoke to her about my experience. honestly i did not feel bad, explaining it. it was when we were speaking about emo kids. i tried to explain to her at the time that some people dont cut for "just attention" that some people do self-harm because that is the only way they can feel anything. especially after dealing with issues. your body will become numb and that is just how some people cope. however that coping that way IS NOT healthy- so if you or any of your friends feel that way- you should really speak to an adult. this was i think around 3 years ago.


i think that conversation is still in the back of my mind, when i found this all out. maybe she did do it for attention- but she also did it because that is how she feels.

i plan on speaking to her this week, but normally wait until weekends to chat due to time change and their activities in school.

i think i am seeing it more from my experience thru her eyes maybe. she is normally really truthful with me- so i am going to ask. she broke down to me once before on her feelings about being compared to her brother. which in turn i had to tell my exH to knock it off- she gets it. in my humble opinion that is a form of emotional abuse- i dont stand for that.

one thing that i stress to my daughter and son that "they are a good person, to love themselves and to remember that momma loves them" it is our thing- especially with my daughter she would repeat it to me after we get done talking on the phone.

i think it is time to have the why that phrase is so important speech.

 

[Sunlight]

sandra, hope things are better and you are more rested.