Update on difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by everywoman, Jul 21, 2009.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I haven't posted in a while, so I figured it was time for an update.

    Many of you will remember difficult child was made to move out the day after Mother's Day because he "slept walked" into his sisters room and scared her. He moved in with my difficult child mom. He called tonight, and he may be moving in with a guy he knows the first of August. He wanted to know if I thought that was a good idea. I told him that he has to live his life, and what I think doesn't really matter, but that if he feels he can afford to live on his own, I think he should try. Cross your fingers that this will be a good move for him.

    He is still working. He has not been without a job in over a year, even though he has switched jobs 3 times. You may recall that for four years prior to that he worked a total of 5 weeks. So, he has improved. He recently switched to a job in our town---he was driving up to the inlet (about 45 minutes one way) and this new job is only 5 minutes from anywhere in town.

    It is easier to like him when he is not in my home. He calls at least once a day to see how my day is/was and to tell me he loves me. He has always been my most sensitive child. He feels deeply...and that is a positive and a negative.

    All in all, he is good. He is still a difficult child. He still calls and rants occasionally. He is still a pothead.
  2. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    EW, sorry about the pothead part. I just found out that our difficult child 1 is back to smoking dope.

    It really is easier when they live somewhere else. I'm trying to stop thinking like a mom.

    Your son is sweet to call you daily, that's lovely.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    All things considered, that sounds pretty good. I can't imagine M or L calling me every day. To have them gone but also have them interested in being a part of your life isn't bad! :) He'll be fine. And if he's not, he'll call you.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I've found this to be true with easy child's too. lol

    Sounds good for the most part. Definate improvement. And I agree it's awfully sweet that he calls you to ask how you are. As for the rest, we'll have to cross fingers and hope he's started down the right path and the rest will come in time.

  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    With his Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and addiction history, it is probable that he's self-medicating with the pot. Is he getting any professional help for either of those issues? (most likely at his age he doesn't think he has a problem so he isn't)

    I, too, chuckled that it's easier to like them when they don't live with you- very true!

    Hugs. It does sound like he's doing better over all.

  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Suz, he knows he needs help. He is trying to control it himself. And he is doing better now than he has in 6 years, so I just let it go. As long as you doesn't bring drugs into my home, there is nothing I can do about his use. So, he knows I know and I know he knows I know and that is enough. He is wanting help getting some furniture. I told him that I thought there may be some at the garage apt. we own, but I'll have to check. I'm buying Rusty a flat screen tv for our anniversary, so I will give him the old tv in the den.
  7. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I hear ya.

    Rob talks about his fellow roofers who smoke dope on the job. Don't ya just love the thought of roofers being high while they are at least one, and usually several stories up (no pun intended)?

    I don't ask him if he participates and he doesn't volunteer. It goes in the category of me deciding long ago to not ask questions I wasn't sure I had the answer to.


  8. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sounds like he is making progress. Gotta love it while it's here.

    Hopefully he will keep some control with his self medicating.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Dear Sexiest Glasses On Any Grandma I know...:tongue:

    I think I like the part about him calling to say hello every day. It's almost like you are his touch-stone.

    I also think that despite smoking dope - it may be something that EVENTUALLY he'll outgrow, get tired of, find a girl that says NOT WITH ME - or just says - no more. I know a lot of people that used to smoke and after maybe - 25 or so - just put it down for good. So, we can hope. I also know some people in their 60's who have no clue why anyone would ever give it up, but they don't remember me. :surprise: It's fun meeting them on a weekly basis.

    Maybe the TV in the den could be an early Christmas Present? Dig out a bow and some wrapping paper - then remind him in December - (frugal Star)

    How is my widdle bitty Violet? I wuvs her! I didn't see her at the party. :mad:

    How is J's knee? Any better? You never said if she got disability from the VA? I hope so - Can she get to the medication center in Charleston? I heard they were pretty good. Better that Columbia. Our friend goes there and his wife said they should be closed they have horrible staff. FYI.

    I agree - when they do not live with you it's a lot easier to like them. ;)

    Hugs & Love
  10. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Totally awesome that he is away from his sister, out of your place and working!

    Seems he might be self medicating. If you have the means, you might offer to pay for him to see the doctor....t-doctor and psychiatrist. Encourage him to "share" about the pot, etc. Let the docs work on this problem.

    Amen...easier to cope, like...etc. a difficult child from a distance.

    You sound like you are doing really well. :D
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    "It is easier to like him when he is not in my home."

    I was just thinking this the other day. I get along and like my difficult child much better when she is not here.

    Suz my difficult child was telling me the other day about a neighbor boy who is smoking pot and said "Isn't that crazy?" I looked at her like she had two heads and didn't quite know what to say.

    "Coping from a distance"....I like that.