Update on my difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Irene_J, May 19, 2013.

  1. Irene_J

    Irene_J Member

    Hello Friends

    I don't post often any more, but I visit the site frequently. My difficult child just finished her junior year in college and is now officially a college senior. When all the grades were posted and her classification had been changed to senior, she called me. She was so proud and so was I. She goes to school out of state (where one of my sisters live) and we're planning sort of a mini-family reunion when we go next year for her graduation. She works part-time and has a 2.6 GPA.

    I always hesitate to say my difficult child is doing well because so many times in the past it has come back to bite me. But I'm actually starting to exhale (I hope I don't regret it)! Like so many of you, I have been through so much with my difficult child. At one time my biggest fear was that she would have a baby, then it was that she wouldn't graduate from high school, then it was that she would end up in jail. Then, it was could I just hold on until I could kick her out of the house.

    From those that know my family's struggle, I have received compliments on how I turned my difficult child around. I always say that my difficult child did it all. It was only when I stopped trying to fix things that things got better.

    My company was bought by another firm and I took a buyout package and took early retirement. My boyfriend and I bought a foreclosed home in a smaller town about 100 miles out of the city and are enjoying fixing it up. My difficult child calls everyday and she ends the conversation by saying she loves me.

    I still struggle with forgiving myself. Even now I still wonder whether I should have done something differently when my difficult child was young and I replay things that happened over and over. When I read the posts here I think "it's not your fault" but somehow I cannot apply this to me. I'm still a work in progress I guess.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Irene, thank you for your update. Congratulations on your difficult child/easy child becoming a senior. You must be so proud. I am very happy for you. Please, forgive yourself for all you did or didn't do, it's over, you did your best, if you had known how to do better you would have, let it go and go enjoy your new home with your boyfriend. Your update gives us all hope that things can change, so thanks. Be happy.
  3. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    You must be so proud of difficult child. I completely understand the hesitancy in sharing the good news. I think most of us, if not all, would change some of the things we did and didn't do. I know I would, but hindsight is 20/20. When one is embroiled in the difficult child maelstrom, it's very difficult to always be sure what we are doing is what is best.

    Enjoy your retirement, you have earned it!
  4. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    I think we all struggle with the 'what if's' at some point. I have learned that a difficult child wants you to feel guilty, when they grow and take responsibility for their own lives they understnad you did the best you could, with the tools you had at that time.

    I once read somewhere that parents don't go to bed wondering what they can do to screw up little Tommy or little Mary's life. At least most don't lol!!!

    Congrats for you and your difficult child turning easy child, there is always hope.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Irene, I feel the same way sometimes. It was when I accepted my difficult child for who she was....good and bad.....things got better. But, you know what? I could not have done that earlier as she was too young to do that with. There comes an age where that 'let go' is natural for us warrior moms. We have to listen to it then or things spiral.
  6. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Congrats to your daughter! I am glad you updated us.
  7. What wonderful news! Do not beat yourself up. Amidst everything I am sure you did everything you could for her and she is doing great now!

    Congrats to you and difficult child on her success and your improved relationship. Enjoy that retirement!!