Update on Son

Helpless29

Well-Known Member
My last post was about a month ago about my 15 year old son running away , he did show up 5 days later at his grandparents house , they took him in & didnt call police. They did call me & his father , when his dad showed up they asked to please let him stay a night, well that stay turned into 3 weeks. Yesterday he took his grandparents car at 4am in the morning when they were sleeping , she called police but he showed up a few hours later drunk with the car , we told her press charges but she would not.Tomorrow his dad will pick him up whether he wants to go or not , my question is if he runs away again , the grandparents will keep taking him in , can we call police on them ? Or is that wrong to do?
 

Triedntrue

Well-Known Member
Just gut reaction but i don't know that they are doing anything illegal. They didn't come and get him he went to them. If he leaves again I wonder if you alerted the police in their area that he might try to go there if they would watch for him on patrol and take pre-emptive action before he goes in to his grandparents house. Tell the police you have told him not to go there and you are concerned for their safety. That way you are not calling police on them. If you tell them that you are concerned that they could be liable if he is in an accident in their car. If you tell them you are concerned for their safety. Are they aware of his destructive behavior?
 

EarthIsHard

Member
Helpless, Does your 15 year old have a license at his age? Even if he has a permit, an adult probably has to be in the car. Add being drunk at his age and driving drunk. He took the car without permission and stays at his grandparents perhaps because they let him get away with this behavior. Maybe calling the police and him facing some consequences could help steer him in a better direction. Hopefully he can see his way past this while he is a minor before anything leads to any adult record. You are responsible for his behavior at this age. This is a tough decision and you know your son best and can try and make the best decision for him. I wish you luck.
 

Helpless29

Well-Known Member
Just gut reaction but i don't know that they are doing anything illegal. They didn't come and get him he went to them. If he leaves again I wonder if you alerted the police in their area that he might try to go there if they would watch for him on patrol and take pre-emptive action before he goes in to his grandparents house. Tell the police you have told him not to go there and you are concerned for their safety. That way you are not calling police on them. If you tell them that you are concerned that they could be liable if he is in an accident in their car. If you tell them you are concerned for their safety. Are they aware of his destructive behavior?
They are very aware of his destructive behavior, but they say they love him & they say they will always open the door for him , they enable him so much , he runs away, goes there & they spoil him , it’s becoming a pattern with him now. We do alert police in the area.I know they love him but they just won’t listen to us , they need to stop opening the doors for him.
 

Triedntrue

Well-Known Member
I dont know about where you live but here underage drinking is automatic suspension you can't even get your licence until suspension is up. To be clear i wasn't worried about calling the police on your son but the grandparents.
 

Helpless29

Well-Known Member
Helpless, Does your 15 year old have a license at his age? Even if he has a permit, an adult probably has to be in the car. Add being drunk at his age and driving drunk. He took the car without permission and stays at his grandparents perhaps because they let him get away with this behavior. Maybe calling the police and him facing some consequences could help steer him in a better direction. Hopefully he can see his way past this while he is a minor before anything leads to any adult record. You are responsible for his behavior at this age. This is a tough decision and you know your son best and can try and make the best decision for him. I wish you luck.
No permit he’s only 15 teen. Your right he wants to be there because he gets away with everything, we keep telling the grandparents to not open the doors when he runs away & to call police but they won’t do it, this is becoming a pattern , he runs away from his dad house ,is gone for days ,doing drugs because he has substance issues & then goes to his grandparents house because he knows they will take him in & there will be no consequences .
 

Triedntrue

Well-Known Member
If they are aware of his behavior patterns then i don't know what to suggest. Maybe you could talk to a lawyer and see what options are available where they are not arrested, i think you would regret that, but they do not have the option of taking him in. As a grandmother i do not always agree with decisions my grandchildrens parents make but i try very hard not to interfere unless i feel there is a dangerous situation. I am sorry that your parents are not letting you do what is best for your son.
 

Helpless29

Well-Known Member
I dont know about where you live but here underage drinking is automatic suspension you can't even get your licence until suspension is up. To be clear i wasn't worried about calling the police on your son but the grandparents.
If the grandparents would of pressed charges for stealing the car & alerted the police he showed up intoxicated they would of sent him to juvenile detention but she would not press charges. I think if the police would of caught him drinking & driving it would of been different but he showed up on his own.
 

Helpless29

Well-Known Member
If they are aware of his behavior patterns then i don't know what to suggest. Maybe you could talk to a lawyer and see what options are available where they are not arrested, i think you would regret that, but they do not have the option of taking him in. As a grandmother i do not always agree with decisions my grandchildrens parents make but i try very hard not to interfere unless i feel there is a dangerous situation. I am sorry that your parents are not letting you do what is best for your son.
Thank you for the advice, & it is his fathers parents. And your right I know they love him & I wouldn’t want to see them get in trouble,I just wish they would stop enabling this behavior or turning the other cheek . They don’t believe in tough love
 

Triedntrue

Well-Known Member
I agree it would have been best for them to call police and let him go to juvie. Maybe it would have given him a wake up call. I hope you can reason with them and they will stop enabling.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Can't you call the police and say your son keeps running away, right now you think he is with his grandparents and you want him home. You are being Mom and not pressing charges against the Grandparents but police will take Son home. You are his guardian. Grandparents have no rights to keep a child overnight against your will. Parents, or one parent,are his only legal guardians until it is found that both of his parents are unfit and they go to court and ask for custody and win the case. Not an easy process considering.g you are not unfit!

Every time he runs away call the police on your son as a runaway who needs returning.Dont burn bridges with grandparents in my opinion. One day you may get tired of your son's horrible behavior and may ask them to take him for a night or a month to get a break. This is legal. It's like asking someone to babysit. And one day you may want this.

Wonder if they'd be so tolerant if they had him full time. It's different to just take him for a bit.
 
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