Update to 18 year old moving out

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by startingfresh, Feb 20, 2018.

  1. startingfresh

    startingfresh Member

    Well, what a roller coaster ride its been. Son has been out of our home for 3 weeks , not smoking weed and things have not gone well. From what I can piece together, he became very depressed once he had to face that he was ALONE and didn't have weed to help him through. Not sure why but guessing he knew he couldn't afford to be on his own and support the weed habit. But, he got hold of some whiskey and other hard liquor and pain pills and went on a binge. Staying up all night, acting very agitated when we talked, super jittery, etc. I was very concerned but did not know he was drinking or taking pills. My stomach knots up every time, I relive this.

    Things came to a head when his boss called and wanted me to know that he was very worried about our son and that he was calling out sick from work more and more often. That he was pushing son to get medical help for his depression and anxiety. Turns out he had confided in his boss and this wonderful man was on a mission to help him. He spent the next day, convincing son again to get help and to pick up the phone and call me. Fast forward and son has asked me to get him into dr and is now 5 days into new medication. He spent an hour and a half on the phone with me today, confiding in me an mind blowing amount of information about hitting rock bottom and how he wants so much more for himself. That he knows he has damaged his mind and body but he is ready to make changes .That he has realized that all the things he did to numb himself were either not working or causing him more and more pain. The one thing that stood out to me was he said, after working all day I am just alone with no one to be with. I have pushed everyone good away. He then told me he deleted from his phone and social media anyone who he could buy weed from. That he has done everything he can think of to put huge distance between him and his vices.

    I have so many thoughts swirling through my head. I am sick that he was so bad off and I didn't know. The what ifs are huge. I am without words for the step that his boss took to reach out and help. That he cared enough for this struggling young man to DO something. I am terrified that he will snap back to his old ways and just give up on himself again. Yet, I am also hopeful because he has never admitted so many things to me and he has never asked for help. He has always gone kicking and screaming and blaming. Praying that he is for real and that he will stick with it. For now, we have not discussed what next other than waiting as he adjusts to these new medications for anxiety/depression. He is still not home but calls often and for the first time in a very long time, I can tell he is sober.
     
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  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Well detaching our hin into a pisi Ce action mode and that is the best news any of us could ever hope for.

    Not an easy thing to do and I respect that. Well done. You love your son and you are supporting and not enabling him.

    We often do not know how bad things are when they hide this from us.

    Stay strong and I wish him all the best with his recover.
     
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Startingfresh:

    It is wonderful that this man (his boss) was placed in his life at this time. Sometimes they don't "hear" it when parents say it so to have someone else validate that he needed help may have been the push he needed.

    In the end it is really up to the person to change and I do hope and pray your son stays on the right path. We have always supported our son when he is trying even though he has had many setbacks.

    Keep us posted!
    :likeit:
     
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  4. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    Admitting he needs help is the first step.

    All you can do is provide support and guidance. It’s up to him to take it.

    I hope this is the catalyst he needs to change.

    Take care
     
  5. startingfresh

    startingfresh Member

    Thank you for your support. I sense my friends think I am harsh for asking him to leave. They just truly have no idea how hard it is to parent the exact opposite way that your heart tells you to. Things are still good and he asked if he could visit yesterday and if I'd help him with a budget. So I showed him how to create one and he said living at home for the rent he paid us before sure seemed like a good deal now. LOL! I told him I needed both of us to think on how that would work. But with if he stays off drugs and pays rent, maybe. I have to say I have really enjoyed living with order and peace.
     
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