Update...yeesh.

[New Leaf]

And...Or........he could be more affected by this girl leaving then he would like anyone to know.
He has done better than when I first came aboard here, Lil.
One would hope that our kids take all of the chances they are given and keep moving forward, but sometimes it is touch and go before that happens.
If only wishes could come true.
You have done so much for him.
Prayers going up that he comes to his senses.
(((Hugs)))
leafy

 

[InsaneCdn]

All it takes to get major swings, is to get dumped by your girl and then add any mind-altering substance to that. Guarantees insanity.

 

[Lil]

Possibly a little of all of the above. I did send him a facebook message, explaining that I get upset when he calls me and says he's missing work because I'm afraid he won't be able to pay his bills and we aren't going to do it for him, that he's been doing well and it worries me and I hope that his actions don't have too significant of consequences.

Then I ended my lecture. It's his life. Like I said, we shall see.

 

[BusynMember]

Im surprised he even wants moocher roommates.
Hopefully, alcohol will not become important to him. 21 or not anyone can drink too much, get addicted, and while drunk want to share the joy with anybody, even somebody underage.
If there is any addiction in his DNA (im thinking bio. dad here) maybe he needs the talks ive often given jumper and sonic about how any substance use at all, while it may be ok for others, can genetically lead to addiction for them, that they are at risk.


I drummed this into their heads since middle school. So far they both take it seriously and often repeat it to me without my prompting. Sonic I know never drinks and has no interest. Jumper has a 23 year old boyfriend who drinks very responsibly. Jumper may or may not have a drink ( I dont ask her) but if so she is not overdoing it. She is going for criminal justice in school and hates pot completely. Its also a substance that can be abused. Jumper said recently, "Do they realize its still illegal here and that youre inhaling smoke, like cigarettes?"

It is in my opinion important to at least remind our kids who have addicted biological parents that they are at risk. Hey, it may not phaze them. But it may. Worth a good try, no??

 

[InsaneCdn]

Worth a good try, no??

Unless you have a super-oppositional kid like Lil and Jabber have... in which case, just the fact you say "don't" means that they will say "do".

 

[Lil]

If there is any addiction in his DNA (im thinking bio. dad here) maybe he needs the talks ive often given jumper and sonic about how any substance use at all, while it may be ok for others, can genetically lead to addiction for them, that they are at risk.

Been telling him this forever. Alcoholism definitely runs in biodads family. He knows. He's been warned. Will he listen? Who knows?

 

[Jabberwockey]

The only thing he's ever done that we're aware of besides marijuana and alcohol would be synthetic marijuana. Its costly and he only ever did it to be able to pass the urinalysis test so unless work is questioning him, I doubt thats what it is.

 

[mtic]

They called me. I called him and told him. They sounded a bit pissed.

Why is his place of work calling you? Tell them he no longer lives there. At least you won't have to deal with the calls.

 

[Lil]

Why is his place of work calling you? Tell them he no longer lives there. At least you won't have to deal with the calls.

He says he's given them his number twice. They don't change it in the computer or something, because they keep calling me.

 

[mtic]

He says he's given them his number twice. They don't change it in the computer or something, because they keep calling me.

Sigh! It never ends does it. Hoping it all works out.

 

[BusynMember]

I hope he does listen about addiction to substances because the heredity aspect is true. Sounds like he is starting to maybe up the alcohol. Id give him another reminder. You know how ugly addiction is from reading it here. Takes d c to a whole new level. And just because alcohol is legal, that doesnt make it not potentionally dangerous, even lethal. Pot can become addictive too and seriously impair motivation. Synthetic pot is plain dangerous.
People seem to dismiss alcohol because its legal but many die from its affects or poisoning. I knew a 26 year old college grad and future teacher who died from alcohol poisoning.
I like you and care about your son and hope he chooses to listen to you. All you can do is tell him. I know this well. But maybe, and this merely food for thought, money, if given, can be withheld if it goes for alcohol.
Hope I dont sound like a bossy biotch!!

 

[Jabberwockey]

Sounds like he is starting to maybe up the alcohol.

Honestly, I think he upped it a while ago. One of the first things the now ex-girlfriend complained about when they first moved in to the apartment was that the OJ he had requested from us was so he had a mixer for his fifth of vodka in the freezer. We've told him enough about the whole alcoholic history thing that it will probably be counter productive to try and do it again. Even when he calls asking for advice he doesn't really want it. He just wants us to fix it for him.

 

[GoingNorth]

Alcohol is widely considered to be the most dangerous of all the commonly available addictive substances out there.

Not only does it do horrible damage to the body and mind, it and benzodiazapams (xanax, valium, clonazepam, etc,) are the only substances where withdrawal can be lethal and must be done under medical care.

 

[BusynMember]

Insane canadian, ha ha, I avoid the dont ir no word to ALL by kids. I just tell facts. I dont dictate...that, as you said, is disasterous.

What they do with the info is, of course their coice, but at least its an informed choice. Many young adults honestly dont know that substance abuse can be an inherited genetic illness. I think it goes with general ignorance of mental illness and other challenges as a whole. Addiction is an inherited illness, but most dont see it as an illness, maybe because it CAN be avoided...

 

[BusynMember]

Jabber, I am sorry to hear that he is drinking more.

 

[Childofmine]

First of all, I love you people (chickie-boom).

Difficult Child drank and did pills and who knows what else (I am sure other stuff but not specifically what stuff). Today, he has been scared straight (mostly). I just hope it lasts. They can quit it all, and who would ever have thought the path would be fear of prison and then Hep C for Difficult Child? He is still smoking cigarettes and until the Hep C diagnosis was "drinking about a six-pack of beer a week" according to him.

We have a long long history of addiction in our family (my grandmother to injectable Demerol), my great uncle was nuts and also drank and abused women, my brother is an alcoholic, Difficult Child's dad is a recovering alcoholic, Difficult Child's paternal granddad was a raving lunatic, sociopath (I don't use that word lightly) and an alcoholic, his paternal aunt has a long history of mental illness....should I go on?

We can't do a single thing about this stuff except work on US. Lil and Jabber you two have come light years since you came here. And your Difficult Child IS doing better. You change, he has a chance to change.

Here's hoping he goes to work and keeps going to work and the roommate gets a freakin' job.

Hugs today.

 

[Jabberwockey]

Addiction is an inherited illness, but most dont see it as an illness, maybe because it CAN be avoided...

STD's CAN be avoided but are still around yet are still diseases. Hepatitis Can be avoided, yada, yada, yada. I do understand though. Its the whole thought process of "I'm not an addict. I can quit whenever I want, I just don't want to right now". I had it for a long time as a smoker.

until the Hep C diagnosis was "drinking about a six-pack of beer a week" according to him.

Which, in addict speak, translates to a six pack or more a day. For every one incident they will admit to, there are a dozen more that they wont. And no, that isn't an accurate number! Just picked one at random but you all get the point.

 

[GoingNorth]

I have to agree with Jabber on this. As part of my intake with my new psychiatrist in Milwaukee, I had to go through a Drug and Alcohol screen. On the question asking how often and how much I drank, I answered truthfully that I drank a beer every 2 or 3 months, and assumed that I was dependent on benzos as I had been taking them at prescribed dosages for 10 years courtesy of my shrink up North.

The doctor didn't blink at the benzos, only said something nasty about my former psychiatrist, and warned me NOT to try going off them on my own.

She did, however, jump all over me about my alcohol use. It took a lot of explaining to get her to believe that every couple of months, I got a taste for a German or Belgian beer with my dinner, and would buy and drink ONE beer.

The simple fact is that my mother is an alcoholic in recovery for 20 years. My sister is a polysubstance addict. I KNOW what's in my genes.

What I didn't know at the time was that benzos are supposed to only be prescribed and used for 30 days or less. I found that out when I realized that the horrible anxiety I felt when I missed a dose might be withdrawal.

I did some research, and well...yeah...I take my lorazepam and temazepam exactly when and in the amount prescribed. I don't get high from them, and the temazepam still helps me to sleep, but if I miss a dose...Oy!

At some point, I do want to get off the benzos, but withdrawal requires a long inpatient stay, and it can take up to 2 YEARS to recover.

I am, according to my current shrink, not an "addict" because I don't get cravings.

The funny thing is that I get "buzzed" off of one beer. Granted, the beers I like are stronger. Two of those beers and I'm a goner.

The last time I had a beer, it was a Belgian beer, and thankfully it had a cork, as I drank about half of it, and used the rest of it to make beef stew a few days later.

But yes, addiction, just like autism, schizophrenia, and bipolar, are hereditary, and children from families with that in their lineage need to be informed of that and what it means for their lives ongoing.

 

[Lil]

We don't actually know how much he's drinking or anything else for that matter. He doesn't have much money, after all, and few friends will let him bum that much. I'm certain he has a way...but we haven't been in his apartment and have no way to see such things.

He's been warned. When we take him out for his 21st, I intend to warn him again. That is all we can do on the subject. We can't force him to do anything after all. We don't give him money...all support we've given has been purchased items or the one bill, which I paid direct.

 

[GoingNorth]

Ugh...I keep thinking of the look on my husband's face when he told me of the 10 year old boy selling himself for a bottle of liquor. I'm sure it isn't that, and if it is, all you can do is hope he's being safe, but man, that flashback really clobbered me all of a sudden.