So, my son has officially finished his job last Thursday. I felt so sad, he loved that job, it 'saved' him. However, he couldn't have loved it enough or he would have followed the rules. I took food and an ultimatum at the weekend. The deal was, we pay his rent but he needed to give us his bank card and bank details so that when he gets paid on Friday (tomorrow) we will have control. He initially agreed over the phone but when I saw him face to face he started to manipulate the agreement. Shouting and telling me what the rules were. I told him that was the deal and if he didn't want it then I would leave. he shouted, called me a bad mum etc etc. Back to normal then. He clearly did not want us knowing where all his money goes. You wouldn't need to be a rocket scientist to work it out.... I told him, no rent paid, meant no home, simple. He agreed. The permission he gave was we can pay a months rent out of his account and the court fine he received last week. Agreed I guess. At one point during his berating of me, I felt myself losing control, the stress, I'm tired. I just wanted him gone, out of my car. I wanted to get away. I found myself screaming and pulling my own hair. Omg, what is happening to me? I found myself shouting telling him I would be better when I was dead or if he just went. He got out and slammed the car door. I was fine. Relieved. He apologised. That night he applied for a load of jobs. When I got home I immediately went on my iPad to check his messages on messenger to find the app has updated by itself and it now needs the password. I feel lost! I know you will all say its for the best but my anxiety now if out of control! I feel out of control. Since then, this week, I can see just by the times he is on messenger that he is up until 3am/4am snd sleeping until 2/3pm in the afternoon. I see him going downhill. I keep calling him to wake him up. Sending him messages. Recruitment agencies are getting in contact and he seems all mixed up about who he should be calling and about what. I just want to slap him!! I am so worried the landlord will ask him to leave for disturbing the other housemates (who he doesn't get on with), and then what? Homeless, on the streets, no job. The council won't help this time due to the arrears. I told him lying in bed will make him depressed. I also find myself being conditional about my contact with him and I feel I am being unfair. So when he is doing the right thing, being responsible, polite, working, basically doing what I say, I have contact. Every time he lies in bed, annoys me, doesn't do what he should be doing, I tell him I am done! No wonder he is messed up! It IS my fault! Yesterday because he stayed in bed and did not call the agencies back as he promised, I told him I was done. He put "ok, bye"! I am heartbroken!!