BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Ok, I admit this is a vent. I dont visit the Watercooler too much, but this will be therapy for me. I have a sister who is six years younger than me. I loved her very much and tried to help her when she was younger and our mom just got divorced and was out partying around. She would leave my sister alone, even at holidays when she was home from college (which my sister paid for). My sister had rough times. She got pregnant in college and had an abortion. I couldn't have stopped her, but she didn't tell me until afterwards and she had gone to a mill. She met a guy, got engaged, and the short story is that he had herpes, didn't tell her, and she developed a rash. So her fiance had lied to her and she thought SHE could have herpes too. I went out of my way to find a good, sensitive doctor and she went and eventually I tried to help her with her fiance's betrayal. She didn't have herpes. She was pregnant. Again. She decided to stay with the man who had risked giving her herpes (she's still with him) but they aborted the child because "we don't have enough money." Actually, they DID. He was a stockbroker and they lived in a pretty nice townhome and certainly had a higher lifestyle than many people. I was horrified, and offered to take the baby, but there again was no way to stop her, so I made sure she went to a good doctor this time. Fast forward. I've always had problems with my mother. I had many problems growing up--I talked about them here--and had serious panic attacks, depression, suicidal feelings and wasn't always the best behaved when unstable and my mother thought I was a "bad person." In her words--"manipulative and selfish." She even spun my adoptions into being selfish. My sister bonded with my mom, and one day my sister called me and said I could never speak to her again. She wouldn't tell me why. Every time I called to find out, she hung up. I loved my baby sister and wanted to know what I'd done, but she wouldn't tell me so I went to her house. I yelled through the door that I wouldnt go away until she told me. She called the police. Ok, I can understand that (sort of). I was where I shouldn't be--she didn't want me there--it's her house. I also got so mad that I took off my tennis shoe, wrote a nasty word on it and threw it at her door. And, at that point, I guess it was valid that she called the cops, although she knows I wouldn't have hurt her, that I just wanted to know why she was angry at me. She wouldn't speak to me for three years. One day she wrote me a letter saying she'll talk to me again. She wouldn't, however, talk about what had happened. It took forever for me to find out why she was mad. She'd been mad because I'd told my mother some of the things she'd done--the abortions, using cocaine, etc. She thought I told my mom because I wanted to turn mother against her. I was in my twenties when I told her and quite unstable. I still shouldn't have told her. I apologized a million times. It didn't make my mother turn on her and my goal wasn't to make my mother turn on her. It was mostly to make my mother see what her totally ignoring my sister in favor of her own boyfriend had done to my sister, but my sister wouldn't listen to me. We took up our relationship again. Every so often we would have spats. She would call the cops. She started using the cops as a way to get back at me. She has called the cops on me at least ten times. It is usually because I call her when she doesn't want me to, but I never know what will trigger it. The last time she called the cops, a few weeks ago, it was because I called to tell her I needed an MRI. A very puzzled cop ran into me at our small town Credit Union. He knows me and sounded apologetic when he said, "Your sister called." I was shocked. He said she was mad that I called to tell her about the MRI. He didn't understand her reason for calling him. Neither did I. I decided not to speak to her again. She doesn't handle disagreements (and this time I don't even know what her problem was) in a normal way--she calls the cops. Three months later she e-mailed me to ask if I'd like to talk about American Idol. For the first time ever, I said no, I didn't want to talk to her again. I couldn't go into more detail because she will delete e-mails therefore cutting off communication. She, however, expects me to read her e-mails. I glanced at once where she said she called the cops because I "played the brain tumor card." My mother had died of brain cancer. I'm not even sure what she's talking about or why that necessitated a call to the cops (and, trust me, the cop doesn't know either). I am refusing to talk to her again. I don't like that she calls the cops for everything. On top of that, my mother hated me and disinherited me. My sister thinks my mother was a great person, and that she can see why she wouldn't see me for ten years, ignored all my cards and letters trying to make peace with her, and, in the end, disinherited me. I didn't want my mother's money, if she even had any. I just wanted her, in the end, to acknowledge that she had another daughter, but she didn't. It hurts. When my sister said, "I think mother was a forgiving person," it really bothered me, so i said we needed a few days off from one another. Then I called her a few days later about the MRI and that's when she called the police. I'm not sure what I posted this for other than as a vent. I never intend on speaking to her again. Enough is enough. Other people go through tough times and work it out, but if she's going to call the cops every time she's mad, even though I won't get into trouble, that bothers me. Also, the fact that she thinks my mom was a swell person bothers me too. Not saying I was perfect in my relationship to my mom--I was unstable with bipolar until my mid-30's, but I did want to make peace before she died, and she refused. She never saw my youngest two kids. As I write this, I'm thinking how much better off I am without my "family" in my life. My 82 year old father is the only one I talk to now. He was treated like crap too after my mom divorced him. If somebody wont' let you sit down and talk it out, you can never resolve anything, and my sister won't. I'm starting to wonder about her mental health. She puts on a good act of stability, but, as I write this, the way she handles things is no better than how I did when I wasn't on good medications. For those of you who stuck out reading this whole thing, thanks. I love the people on this site. You are all really great. I miss the laughter and goofing around I had with my sister, and I still love her, but I know that she sin't going to change how she handles her anger, so I feel it's best, weighing the good with the bad, to just end it. She will NEVER apologize to me for ANYTHING and she won't talk things out when she's mad. I hope I'm doing the right thing.
