Visit with son on Sunday says "He won't go to rehab" now what?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by seekinghope, Jul 20, 2008.

  1. seekinghope

    seekinghope New Member

    So today I visit my son. Sunday no psychiatrist; only limited staff. My son has been cooperative so visits with him are not chaperoned. He starts with the cursing and swearing that he is not going to a rehab for 7-9 months. He wants to go to a "group-home". He says if he is forced to go he'll run.
    I told him he needs to get a handle on the addition first before we can discuss the next step and that really at this point nothing is left up to me, it depends on the probation dept. and the PINS officer too. They would have to be in agreement.
    So he throws his soda at me. Shouting I never listen to him. I say over and over I am listening to you I am just not agreeing with you.
    He still thinks that somehow I can fix things to make it all go his way.
    He says "he would rather go to "juvy", he is sick of groups and they are not helping him anyway."
    My son has been off all medications for about 4 weeks now. I know he is having anxiety about leaving. This is how he should be behaving so that the counselors and psychiatrist's can see him in action but for them he holds it together.
    He is never going to get any better unless he lets go of some of this rage during sessions so that they can get address some of his problems. Me telling them that this is how acts when they are not around is merely hearsay that he can manipulate when I am not there.
    I am suppose to be going shopping for things he will need at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) on Tues., we leave at around 7:30 am and it takes me a little over an hour to get there. I have to provide everything , from soap and soap dish to sheets and pillow. Now I don't know what to do? It is 2:30 am and I am still awake.
    I did get a call from him later in the evening saying forget it he was going, but now I have no faith in his words. I don't know if he'll run or what.....
    The reason that the group home came up is because 2 of the other kids went to one.

    Thanks for listening,
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    How old is he?
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Like Midwest Mom, I would like to know how old your son is. I know you have told us before, but this is why the profile signature is so important. With so many members, it can be difficult to remember the details! Please complete one of those next time you are on board.

    First and foremost, I would have gotten up, not said a word, and walked out as soon as the soda was thrown at me. It does not matter that your son is off all medications. Violence should not be tolerated, ever.

    About the only thing you can do is advise the staff of his conviction of running so that they are aware this is a threat or a potential issue. There really is nothing else that you can do. This is not a voluntary issue. This is court-mandated. He has no choice.

  4. seekinghope

    seekinghope New Member

    He is 15. He is not court mandated yet.....
    With that said it's coming. He has not as yet been before the judge because he went into phos. before that could happen but the PINS officer and probation officer have been out to my house; the PINS man 3 times already. They have put their end on hold for now since I took this action. They said get his mental health stabilized first. But my son knows that any other action taken by him will bring action against him immediately!
    Now my husband and I don't know what to do??????
    If I tell the psychiatrist they might put the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) on hold but he is too stable to stay at the phos because he is not in the acute state; although if they would have seen him yesterday they might think differently. I wonder what will happen when someone goes in to clean-up the room? Soda is all over the chairs and wall and the monopoly game. He kicked the table to the opposite side of the room.
    He is currently in the fight-or-flight mode; I am sure other people on this board know what I mean. It makes matters worse if he did not eat anything because of his anxiety; no food or the wrong food makes it worse.
    They should have cameras in all the rooms!
    Because the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is almost 4 hours away and visits from each parent will be limited is also worrying him. I am wondering to myself should I just wait travel down with him and when he sees the place maybe he'll calm down?
    I can never tell anymore what he's thinking because his brain goes non stop.

    Please I need some help ASAP because he leaves tues.!

    If he does not go to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and cannot stay in the phos. I don't know what will happen??

  5. seekinghope

    seekinghope New Member

    Updated signature.
    He's suppose to go tomorrow........

  6. I would definitely let the staff know of his wanting to run. I really don't think they will not send him to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because he wants to run. Continue to do what you need to get him there. Are you not providing transport to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?

    Good luck, I know this isn't easy, but you are doing what you know needs to be done.

  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I would talk to the Probation Officer about your concerns with him running and ask for help in transporting.

    He can easily pretend to be willing and then somewhere on that 4 hour drive get you to stop (I need to go to the bathroom) and refuse to get back in the vehicle.

    I hope the facility is able to make him clean up the mess he caused. Did you report this to staff before you left?
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Tell staff, tell PO and PINS officer. Refuse to see him unchaperoned if violence continues. where will he get the most help? If Residential Treatment Center (RTC) then send him if you can afford it. If he runs then you can deal with that. Be SURE to let ALL staff know he is a flight risk.

    You can't baby his fears away. he has to step up to the plate or take the consequences.

    I am so sorry for your hurting mommy heart and your other hurting children - it must be tough on the PCs to know this is all going on and there is not much that can be done.
  9. seekinghope

    seekinghope New Member

    We made arrangements to meet him there. The facility will be doing the transport. Thank God! (don't mean to offend anyone).
    Talk to the nurse at the RCT and told them he may need to be put back on his anxiety medications. We will wait and see.
    My husband is coming with me. I will not visit him alone.

    Now I guess it is up to him.

    Thanks for letting me rant and for the support.
  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm glad they are providing the transport. It's so much better than you worrying that he will bolt. I don't believe the transfer to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will be affected by his desire to run.

    Good plan in place that you and husband go together. I would make sure the staff at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) know he wants to run (reiterate it to everyone, not just the intake nurse) as well as the PO and the PINS officer.

    I can only imagine how difficult this is for you and your husband. You will be in my thoughts tomorrow. Let us know how it goes.

  11. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    RTCs are pretty used to kids wanting to run. It goes with the territory, especially if it is one that specializes in kids with drug problems. Do let them know of his threats but don't surprised if it doesn't get much of a reaction.

    I hope he settles in quickly and doesn't honeymoon too long. The sooner he shows his true colors, the sooner he will start working the program. Good luck for now.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good luck. Yeah RTCs are fairly used to kids who want to run. When mine was in a group home he ran fairly frequently right back home. Finally we got him in a locked facility so he couldnt run. Best thing we did.

    Dont worry too much about the distance. He will do fine with that. We were two hours away and they allowed us to do some of our family therapy by telephone. Worked out well.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I ma glad teh facility is doing the transport. It is much safer for your family that way!

    I would ask about doing some therapy by phone. Also - ask ahead of time if he can have phone cards to call home. They will have rules about all of this, but it does let the child know he can call you, instead of waiting to see if you will call him.

    Make sure you are going to AlAnon or NarcAnon. It will make a world of difference in how you handle things and how you feel.

  14. seekinghope

    seekinghope New Member

    Well he's there. 7 Hours in travel alone!
    The place was really old and really run down.(the word dump could be used). It broke my heart to leave him there.
    It did not appear very secure either.
    But is has very few kids and the staff was young and very nice and seemed very eager.
    I am going to let his bio dad talk to him first as he is off work today.My difficult child does not manipulate him as much.
    I did call staff last night and he seemed to be doing O.K.

    I really want to thank everyone for their input and guidance. This has been a really tuff time for me. My poor husband did not sign-up for this but is sticking by me; our lives are stressing. I am so sad it is hard to get through the day sometimes and that can't help but affect a marriage.
  15. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm glad the transfer went well. I guess you can't always judge a book by it's cover. Perhaps the staff will make up for the appearance with the quality of the program. Let's keep the hope!

    Stay strong.