We are not alone with our troubled children

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by newstart, Feb 10, 2018.

  1. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    I went to my dentist yesterday. His wife was my best friend. She died of breast cancer in 2000. A couple of years ago his youngest son died of leukemia at age 26. He was an upcoming star in Washington D.C. Obama even came to his funeral. My dentist has a 31 year old son he had entrusted with his business and his son has completely stole the dentist business that my friend had spent his entire life building. My dentist friend is left with nothing but debt. All the pain he has gone though was not as awful as his own son stealing all his money and ruining his business. The business has been sold and my friend is working for the new owners in a building he started from scratch. Last week my dentist friend went to his nephews funeral a 19 year old that jumped off a building.
    I feel so sad for my friend. He said that it was painful to have lost his wife and son but the pain of the other son lying, stealing and ruining his business was the most painful pain he has ever felt. The betrayal and disrespect actually made him ill to the point he could not think straight. He is doing ok now but that took the wind out of his sails. He has no contact with his son.

    Yesterday when my daughter went to my appointment with me, I told her all that had happened to him. My daughter said that is horrible. I think she does not think she is ripping us off, I don't know what she is thinking but that is what she is doing.

    There are so many of us parents out there with truly reckless, mean, using children..Many of us feel alone because it is so hard to talk about and most people would not believe the degree of awful that they do.

    I have it hard but my dentist friend has it harder. I hurt for him, for us for all that have been though this level of pain.

     
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  2. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Wow. How awful. May he somehow find peace and serenity.
    I do think about this sometimes, as well...that there is always someone out there that is going through a lot worse stuff then me.
     
  3. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    That is heart breaking. Even if the son is in the throes of addiction now, how could he ever face himself in the future after all he’s done. My heart goes out to dad.
     
  4. strangeworld

    strangeworld Member

    Behind strong faces are withered spirits. You never know what people are going through. This poor man. How terribly sad.
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Terrible.

    That reminds me of the bumper sticker to "be kind to everyone, because you don't know what they are going through".
     
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  6. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    That is such a sad story. I often wonder why some people are made endure such hardship.

    So much tragedy for one soul.
     
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  7. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    That was a powerful story. Thank you. In a certain way and in a smaller way, it reminds me of my husband’s doctor from many years ago.ive wanted to share it with someone for decades. tiny Office. One doctor, tiny staff. He had health problems and sometimes you could tell he wasn’t feeling well. It may have been arthritis, but I’m only guessing. But he always had a smile on his face. They were vague health issues, as he never wished to reveal much personal information. One day, I was just sitting there killing time and I asked his nurse of many years if he had children. And she freaked out and it’s as if some damn broke and she exploded and told me he had two kids...one bio kid doing well and in College on his way to being a doctor. Another young adult daughter who was adopted. She said the doctor and his wife had been through every conceivable hell with this young woman and it has been painful to watch what they have gone through.
    And (get this) I couldn’t possibly understand. Then the doctor walked in. We both shut up. She looked like she was going to cry. I never said a word. He retired shortly afterward. It just haunted me.
     
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What sad stories. We have those stories here too. I continue to be amazed at how many parents struggle with their children's behaviors and choices.....we are definitely not alone. When we had the little tykes or adopted them, none of us expected to be here now.....
     
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    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018
  9. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I think that there are more of us than you think. We may not have met them but think about it all those people our difficult children hang out with have parents.
     
  10. Lucky25

    Lucky25 New Member

    I'm new here but have been lurking for a while. Saw this post and wanted to share a story that occurred decades ago within my own family.

    Around circa 1985 my mother's aunt was a single mother living in Englewood NJ in her own home on Florence street and she had a drug addicted son.

    Story short, she came home from work one day and was hit over the head in the kitchen area to the point where her skull opened up and brain matter was on the kitchen floor.

    I don't know how she was found, but even though she survived, she was rendered an invalid and was reduced to living in a urine smelling nursing home for the rest of her life unable to take care of herself in anyway, shape or form. Sometimes she knew who she was but most of the time she didn't and she could only speak a few words at a time.

    My mother and myself came to know of this because my mothers father bought the house and took weekly visits to look after his sister in the nursing home to make sure she had adequate care. I remember when visiting my grandfather my mother and myself would go to the nursing home and I remembered being scared of the strange looking people and foul odors sometimes coming from the rooms.

    Anyway, so what happened is that someone broke into the basement window and came up the basement stairs that opened up into the kitchen. The perpetrator was never caught but everyone in the family knew it was her son. Her son never even came to visit or look after her in the nursing home either.

    Like others have said, some people/families go through unspeakable tragedies.
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  11. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Lucky25, Thank you for sharing your personal story. I have known and read about drug infested children that have killed their parents all to often. Some of them just highly manic and not on drugs. I am so sorry this happened in your family.
    I can remember going to therapy and telling the therapist that my husband and I fear for our lives..I don't know what turn off valve happens when someone is so highly out of control manic or if they even have a turn off valve. When my daughter is highly manic she scares the hell out of me, it is if someone has taken over her body and mind. As far as I know she has not bodily harmed anyone, she just gets so damn creepy. There were many times when my sister in law would visit and I could not sleep, fearing she would stab one of us. My sister in law had a high level job and sometimes I thought the pressure from that was enough to stab one of us. I am not a paranoid person and I have spent the night at many people's homes and have never felt that way. There are some people that I pass on the street or when I volunteer at the homeless shelters that creep me out but it is different when it is at my home. My bipolar brother in law is creepy and mean but I never got the feeling that he was going to stab one of us. Creepy and mean is one thing but when you feel someone may stab you is another. The level of mean is a level I have never seen, the stuff that came out of my mother in law, sister in law and now my daughter is so frightening and grieving.. I have to put my protective shield on because I am an empath and that kind of stuff is highly destructive for my well being. I have been sick since my daughters last nonstop mania. I have had the flu, sinus infections weird aches, gum infections etc. In my everyday life I exercise and eat right, no sugar for about 1.5 years. My daughter's attacking mania harms my spirit and I have to find a way to sheild from it through healthy detatching and putting up a spiritual shield that stops all the crap from destroying me. And the hard part is I so desire a healthy relationship with her one of mutual respect..Sometimes being completely off with someone is the healthier choice.. I know I cannot take another round of the crap I have just gone though. Steps are in action to stop it.. Peace will be the end result.

    Lucky25 I would like to know more about you.:)