Welcome SadDad

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by slsh, Jan 23, 2010.

  1. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Hi Chris - I'm starting a new thread for you. ;) Welcome and glad you found us!

    "Hi there I'm new as well. Been up all night. Can't sleep tonight/day been up looking for answers for my 10 year old son all night :( Decided I need some forums to maybe help me talk about this stuff with others. At some point I may be able to help others as I seek answers for my own son. He's doing better on medications and we've been involved with in home counselors (IICAPS) since June 09. We've recently started an "IOP" (CCATS) and the group sessions are helping although he did slug me in the jaw tonight when Mom and I "broke" his routine. I go up and down like crazy. Just when I think he's doing well, which he is overall, his explosive outbursts just depress me again. He's designated Special Education at school so that helps. I'm now an "expert" in IEP's, BSAC's, Conner scales you name it. I have mostly full support from the school and counselors but it's frustrating at times. He's diagnosed mood disorder/undefined/not otherwise specified right now and on Seroquel and Depakote. We just went to like a 3rd phsychiatrist today for another opinion to try and get a better understanding of just what is going on. I was impressed with this Dr. He seemed to get right to the point and ask all the right questions. What troubles me most is I grew up with a Schizophrenic Dad. I would not wish my childhood on my worst enemy. I then lost my brother several years ago. He was Bipolar and committed suicide. All I wanted was to put that behind me and have the best for my kids (I have a son and daughter close in age). So as you can imagine I'm devastated by this. It's so frustrating as I'm sure it will be quite some time before we get a more solid diagnosis. What is really going on? Early onset Bipolar? Asperger Syndrome? I know the label is not the most important aspect right now but not knowing what the future holds for my son scares me. And if we can't control the violance that's my immediate nightmare. God Bless everyone, goodnight for now.
    Chris "
  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    I agree that the violence is most concerning - but that's a huge trigger for me because my kid was extremely violent/destructive. I once narrowly missed getting knocked out because I had the audacity to tell my then 12-year-old to brush his teeth. It's a heck of a way to live.

    I understand your concern about what the future holds, but your son is only 10 and while treating mental illness is still more art than science (in my opinion anyway), it's a whole lot better than it was when your dad and brother were growing up.

    It sounds like you've done a great job of educating yourself and are being a great advocate for your son. The fact that the school is onboard is really quite encouraging.

    It can be really hard living with- the ups and downs. I found it more stressful when my son was doing well, LOL. I felt like I was just waiting for the bottom to fall out (but I'm a glass-half-empty kind of person anyway). Somewhere along the way, I did figure out that for my own sanity, I had to separate my son's behaviors from the rest of my life - hard to do because they really impacted everything in my life, but getting a bit of emotional distance and working hard on not letting my mood be based on his did help.

    Anyway... welcome again and I'm glad you found us!
  3. BeyondWeary

    BeyondWeary New Member

    hello SadDad - my heart goes out to you. I am in the same situation. I take it one day it a time. I pray alot. I try to start and end my day by doing nice things for myself and at these times, I REFUSE to dwell on the difficult child's. Just because my oldest is really unbalanced, doesn't mean I have to be also.

    Often I have breakfast on the balcony with my favorite breakfast and favorite starbucks coffee from the grocery store. I listen to the birds and rejoice in God's new day.

    During the day, my Corgi dog senses just when I am at my low and comes over for a sweet nuzzle and assurance.

    At the end of the day, I soak in a jacuzzi tub in the hottest water that I can stand. It relaxes me.

    I struggle to maintain some sort of physical, spiritual, and mental balance. I walk a brisk walk with my dog to help the physical, I pray and read scripture for the spiritual and do the 2 things mentioned above (beginning and ending of the day) for the mental. The reason for the struggle is that, as you well know, the difficult child's require so much time, energy, structure, guidance, discipline, etc. etc. etc.

    And, when the day is done, and I go to bed, I try not to let my mind be overrulled with all the stressful stuff I have dealt with during the day. It is MY REST TIME DOGGONE IT!

    These are my coping techniques. HUGS, and I wish you better - you deserve it - and may GOD reward you for doing your best to help your difficult child - you have done more than many other parents. All we can do is all we can do.
  4. miles2go

    miles2go Member

    Hey SadDad from one (of few) dads around here. My 8 y.o. was diagnozed BiPolar (BP) about a year ago, previously diagnozed ADHD. I would have been looking for a third opinion if my wife's and her ancestors' BiPolar (BP) wasn't so obvious. You should keep looking for medications that can control violence. I thinks that's almost always doable. After that I am not sure the condition goes away conpletely, always bubbling there.