Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by MidwestMom, Oct 3, 2013.
I don't want to risk anyone seeing this any more. It's for safety that I edited it out.
If he loses custody, and is evident that may happen, he may plot to kill his ex as well as your grandson and even himself, as punishment for losing custody. He may not do it immediately, but he may work it through over time. It is crazy to even think that for a minute, but the way you describe 35, it's not outside the realm of possibility, esp. when you see what's been going on in the news lately. Sometimes people just say stuff to be dramatic, but wow, I wouldn't take a chance if he's become more and more frantic, and he's got no real support system and his anger is explosive to begin with. It seems to me he thinks he's got nothing to lose anyway, he's backed into a corner, and that's a scary place to be.
I don't know who specifically you would contact, but possibly law enforcement - I don't know - I'm unfortunately ignorant in this area, but perhaps the local PD? He hasn't committed a crime, so I don't know what they'd do unless he's made terroristic threats to his ex.
Thanks, CJ. I thought of that, but it wouldn't get me anywhere because he hasn't done anything. I'll see if this escalates to a point that may alarm law enforcement.
I didn't expect any answers here. It's too "out there." This isn't what most of us are dealing with. But I thought I'd try.
I'm not worried he'd touch his son, but his ex? I'm not REALLY worried, but still...he is letting out a lot of dangerous stuff.
If he contacts you with an "about to be executed" plan, you can then call law enforcement and get them to divert to psychiatric hospital under their control. "Expected to harm to self or others" is usually the requirement for involuntary commitment.
Hi there, im new to this community and not sure how to post? can anyone help? thanks
Do you text? You can print them out. I would say if he texts you anything bad.....you can go for help. Nobody will listen or really believe a third party phone call. difficult child's fiance would love when the bio dad texted, she gave them to the judge. Now the bio dad calls and there is nothing she can do court-wise. Tell him to text you.
I don't text. I'll keep a close watch on this, the best I can. He would never text me anything like that though, even if I did text.
Honestly at this point I think 35 is dangerous to himself and others. It's not like he got mad and popped off at the mouth one time. He has been saying stuff about killing himself for a while. As was mentioned he might even hurt ex or son in order to ensure no one else is happy either. I know we don't think it will ever happen but did you ever think 35 would do any of the stuff he did? None of us ever imagined having children that required this level of concern.
Calling the police would probably impede the custody thing but when someone is this sick do they really need custody of their child? Obviously I am not a fan of him never being allowed to see his son but if he is a functional alcoholic taking 8 clonazepam a day who also has some pretty nasty mental health issues? It would make me concerned as a parent or grandparent for the child to be alone with him. I know the ex may not be much better but that isn't something you have knowledge of first hand. You can say first hand that your son has expressed suicidal ideology and has expressed the wish for his ex to die or to kill her.
I don't know what to do but in all honesty I would be greatly concerned and would start looking into making the calls if need be.
Oh sweet friend - this is so tough. I know you don't like or trust the Ex-Wife but he doesn't sound like he is in any way shape or form to parent his little boy. If he is speaking this freely, can you imagine what your grandson may hear? It breaks my heart. And as a woman, I am also concerned about his ex's safety. I know she is not a prize and I know he is probably full of hot air - but it seems every day their is a story somewhere about a man killing an ex or soon to be ex. So, I say this gently and I leave it to your judgment (no judgment here either way) - but do you think the GAL should be told or perhaps his ex-w warned? Can you do so anonymously?
And after considering the above, you need to detach. This is not getting better, it is getting worse and at some point you need to choose YOU.
I dont know if you remember all the posts I said basically the same thing here because of what was going on with the Monkey. Her mother got really sick once when she lived away and from what she posted on FB she said she was less than an hour from dying when she got to the hospital. I am pretty sure I said I wish she had waited those few extra minutes.
When I get really upset my borderline comes to the front and center and I want nothing more than to completely remove the people who are making me upset. I feel betrayed and like this will never end so I might as well just end it all. Obviously I dont do anything more than rant and rave. I remember one time back when difficult child was in middle school they did something and I made detailed plans in my head to blow the school board building up.
For me this is sort of a release. I cant keep everything all bottled up inside that is hurting me so I explode. I never do it outside of either my house or here on the board.
If I had a parent who I thought would actually listen to me and understand, Im sure I would have blown off steam to them too but that wasnt something I had. It ends up being the family I have....mostly Tony, Billy and Cory but if things get really bad I will even call Jamie. Not a darn thing any of them can do but the best thing is to acknowledge my frustrations and not try to tell me Im thinking crazy or stupid. That just makes it worse.
Janet, hi. I'm so sorry I missed your post. It was very good. I also have borderline traits, and sometimes they surface. I do understand. I think my son is a narcissist, with some borderline traits and borderlines do say bold, crazy things they don't mean when under stress.
At the same time, 35 has spoken of violence many times as the stress gets worse and worse so I don't feel safe around him. Fortunately, I don't have to be physically near him if I don't want to be since he is several states away and afraid to drive out of his safety zone.
I appreciate your honesty, Janet. You helped me.
MWM, I just wanted you to know I read your post and feel so much empathy..............sending you caring hugs and wishes for serenity, peace, strength and wisdom.
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