Welcome ruppertk. I'm glad you're here. It's very sad when our adult kids turn away,however, sometimes that can be the ending of an era and the beginning of something brand new. If you are healing from enabling, I applaud you, many of us here have been in those shoes.
When we change, as you mentioned, those around us who didn't vote for the change are often quite angry that we have developed some self esteem. Sounds as if that has happened in your life. Your daughter may come around, but right now it appears as if this is your time to heal and grow.
I would encourage you to read the article at the bottom of my post here on detachment. It is helpful. I would also encourage you to continue with your self help, counseling, a women's group, therapy, whatever feels right to you. Most of us here need professional help in order to detach from our adult kids, it is difficult to break the old patterns we set up.
Put the focus on YOU now. Take it off of your adult daughter and put it on yourself, make sure you get YOUR needs met, that you nurture YOURSELF now and put your energy into YOU. You have another child to care for and to teach how to treat you with respect.
As time goes by and you change, and you grow and heal, I hope you can build a new bridge with your daughter which will be healthier for both of you and a win/win for everyone. In the meantime, keep posting, get A LOT of support, put your needs first and focus on yourself. Wishing you peace along your journey of self discovery.
I've just joined, having found this thread via a google search. It isn't a daughter I'm broken hearted over, but my son.
Recovering, I have read your replies and they have made me understand how unhealthy my relationship is with my son. And like elliedeb (Hi elliedeb) I am struggling so much, also agoraphobic with terrible anxiety. I know I need help though.