Whats in a debate


Long road but the path ahead holds hope.
I belong to a support group on Facebook and there was a debate on what causes addiction. It got very heated and I found it upset me a great deal. It made me challenge and reevalute my own perceptions and position on Addiction.

What I have learned over the past years in this crazy ride through our sons addiction.
He has been also diagnosed with Conduct Disorder.
After beating myself up, blaming and raging over what could have been, should have been, can still be, I am in a better place.
The experts and society don't agree on what is the best treatment or what are the actual causes and this is frustrating, confusing and angering!

I have chosen to read and learn as much as I can. I have chosen to believe we don't know what we don't know. Addiction may be a pre existing condition, it may be caused by some traumatic occurrence in our past or in society as a whole. It may be influenced by socioeconomic factors and societal norms of today's broken society. Addiction may be worse today than ever or it may be social media and connectivity that has brought it to the forefront.
All that being said. It really doesn't matter what matters is 2 important things I have learned.
1. Compassion and
2. understanding.
That goes for my AS, myself and my situation. It also goes to others who have suffered through or are foreign to addiction; I have learned to have compassion for there opinions and understanding of addiction. Even if they are not my own understandings and opinions there perception is there reality and if it differs from mine that's ok.

Having compassion and understanding for my AS and his struggle has calmed a lot of the conflict in our lives. I maintain detachment barriers and give myself the understanding of what I can live with and what I can not live with. I understand that if he chooses to continue to do drugs and destroy his health and mental capacities he can not do so in my home. That does not mean I love him any less it just means that is my boundary, if it is different from others that is ok. Our decisions are ours and we are all facing the same challenges and have different capacities of endurance and different boundaries.

I will do my best not to enable my AS and will be compassionate to myself for doing what I can and understand the impact of what I do and how it affects my AS. I will dedicate myself to improving my knowledge,my actions, and there impact every day.

I will seek support and education and learn how to decompress anger, be compassionate to myself when anger prevails and understand that this is a very tough situation to be in. I understand this is a process, it is my process, it is our process to get through. There is no right or wrong.

Weather addiction is a disease, a choice or a combination of multiple factors doesn't matter because ADDICTION JUST IS. Its here in my life weather I like it or not. I wish I had a cure, a solution or a bandaid for Addiction but I don't. Neither do any experts who have varying opinions on what causes addiction, and how to manage it into remission.

I do know recover is possible and I will focus on what works for me, my AS, and my family. Our goal is to work towards recovery, for all of us. And I will do that with compassion and understanding. In the mean time I will do what it takes to love my AS, do my best not to enable my AS, and deal with his addiction with compassion and understanding.

I pray to the universe for all of us suffering through and touched by addiction. To allow ourselves compassion for our addicts and for ourselves. To allow understanding to be present and prevalent in our minds and heats. I pray that each day my son takes a step away from his addiction and a step towards recovery and remission is one that will last a lifetime.


Well-Known Member
Lbl, you should maybe stop debating this. I feel addiction happens for different people for different reasons. My daughter told me she was lonely in her new school and wanted friends, and drug use makes you popular in a certain crowd. That is why she started using. My youngest daughter, who never even tried pot, has a more confident, easy-with-people personality. She has addiction in her genetic tree...birth father been in prison many times for drugs. But she can and does drink very responsibly and not often. Pre-existing condition? Not in all offspring of addicts.

I truly believe no "method" helps until the addict is ready to quit. Then all methods, including no support groups at all, do help. My daughter just quit. She is not alone. Some go to therapy. Some do AA. Some do rehab. And on and on.

So silly to argue something nobody knows the answer to on a support board. Nobody knows the various facters lying in addiction of every addict. Its an upsetting argument nobody can win. Its like endlessly arguing about when l8fe starts after conception..

If you value peace in your life, let it go and give it to the Universe. It is not helping you...or the others...to argue over this

Love and light :)


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

It is what it is!

We shouldn't waste too much energy on it since most of us are already running on empty.

My older son had an alcoholic grandmother (my mom) and an alcoholic grandfather (his dad's dad) and he is fine. Our younger son was not so lucky.


Active Member
I too have struggled and blamed myself, my husband at times, our genetics, our choices as a family... I could play the blame game or what if? all day and nothing changes the reality we are living.

It is what it is.....

There is no clear answer for everyone... it depends on each situation. Each addict has things in common but ultimately each of them are also different and what works for some doesn't always work for all. I have learnt to accept that I won't always use or agree with advice or opinions, but that is ok. I can respect each of our experiences because we each have unique journeys as do our children.

I do pray for peace for each of us... that part is universal...