Star*
call 911........call 911
Hi Family,
I don't "play" too much up here in the General Forum, I find myself relying on the non-difficult child issues to help me through the day, but I still try to get up here to lend a hand, advice and support.
For those of you who are new and don't know me or my son "Dude" it's been a very, very hard, long, and disturbing life for us both. When I came to this board, I lurked for a long time before I ever posted because I was SURE if I posted what was really going on in our home? The ladies here would brush me off as just a "bad" Mom. Nothing could be farther from the truth on either thought. I'm not a bad Mom and I never got judged. Just loved.
So I thought I would share a window with you in a day of my life now with my son who is 18 coming to my home for a 'planned' visit. Here's the difference your involvement, continued support and detachment can make.
At age 10 - Dude was being kicked out of school on a daily basis - I lost a good job, and had left my severely abusive husband. Being a single Mom was hard. Trying to rise above all the anger, temper, language and constant rage while trying to keep myself together were near impossible.
Dude was breaking things, kicking holes in walls, throwing things, making weapons, chasing kids with garden tools, stealing things from others at school, lying like no one I have EVER met, cursing, disrespecting teachers, police, me, neighbors - friends, not able to sit still for 5 minutes, disobeying minute to minute, smearing feeces on the walls and all over the place, leaving poop in the tub when I finally DID win a nightly battle for a bath...screaming, having meltdowns....and our list goes on and on.
Yesterday - my son called to see if he could come to the house and if he could bring a 4-wheeler he "earned" to work on. Then wanted to talk to his Dad. "Hi Dad - not just "HEY I WANT." started the conversation.
Then "Would you have time IF I bring my 4 wheeler there to help me?" and Df said "Of course" (believe me against his better judgement) he always gets screwed in these "can you" deals. But today - even started out different.
So he showed up like he said - brought the 4 wheeler WITH RECEIPT like he said, and then ASKED (don't faint old board aunties) ASKED DF WHERE he could put it....where could he work on it....COULD he use some tools? COULD DF help him he didn't understand how this works.....and the list went on and on and on - to the point that I just grabbed a lawn chair, grabbed my camera, and sat in the sunshine and took pictures of them both, in the garage/shop working together -side by side; not arguing, but listening to each other....and laughing.......DID YOU HEAR ME??? LAUGHING = TOGETHER about putting this old hunk of junk together and making it nice...listening to the "Plans" about how it can be made nicer and talking "Shop".
It may not seem like a lot to anyone else who has a child but this in 18 years has NEVER happened. I got a call asking, I actually had a child SHOW up, and he LISTENED and DID as he was instructed. OMG it was amazing.
The most amazing part came when we needed to go to the grocery store. DF actually TOLD Dude that he would LEAVE him there - in HIS shop to work on some other things he wanted to work on AS LONG as he could TRUST him to close up properly. DF never went on and on about how things should be or HOW to do anything - he just said "I am going to trust you one more time to do things properly when you leave." and you know what?
We went grocery shopping, and Dude called - someone he knew came by and offered to give him a ride home (He had them wait outside) and called us and said he was locking the shop, house up and leaving DF's phone on the table - he had to (ready for this?????) GET HOME EARLY so he could shower (OMG THANK YOU FOR WATER USE) and get to bed early (Could the pills be working?) and get up for COMMUNNITY SERVICE (BECAUSE>>>>>>>) he does NOT have school MTW and he can work 8-5 and get ALL his community service done in three days instead of sleeping in (BLINK BLINK) HE called (OMG ) and asked the man that runs the place where he is doing community service "CAN I COME 3 days this week and get it done?" ON HIS OWN.....
I can't tell you how well I slept last night - It's much easier to sleep with a smile on your face....and to me this was HUGE.....I'm on a cloud today and so .....mmmmm Appreciative of the yesterday I got to witness.
I never thought I'd live long enough to see Dude and Df working together on something - and laughing.....
OH and FYI - when we got home - Dude was gone, the door was locked, the garage was NEAT as a pin - even swept.....locked....and DF nearly had an shock attack from beacon of light shining from my grin.....
(but I gotta tell ya I was holding my breath until he flipped the light on) lol
I even ..........got 2 hugs. BEFORE I left for groceries......
AMAZING......
I don't "play" too much up here in the General Forum, I find myself relying on the non-difficult child issues to help me through the day, but I still try to get up here to lend a hand, advice and support.
For those of you who are new and don't know me or my son "Dude" it's been a very, very hard, long, and disturbing life for us both. When I came to this board, I lurked for a long time before I ever posted because I was SURE if I posted what was really going on in our home? The ladies here would brush me off as just a "bad" Mom. Nothing could be farther from the truth on either thought. I'm not a bad Mom and I never got judged. Just loved.
So I thought I would share a window with you in a day of my life now with my son who is 18 coming to my home for a 'planned' visit. Here's the difference your involvement, continued support and detachment can make.
At age 10 - Dude was being kicked out of school on a daily basis - I lost a good job, and had left my severely abusive husband. Being a single Mom was hard. Trying to rise above all the anger, temper, language and constant rage while trying to keep myself together were near impossible.
Dude was breaking things, kicking holes in walls, throwing things, making weapons, chasing kids with garden tools, stealing things from others at school, lying like no one I have EVER met, cursing, disrespecting teachers, police, me, neighbors - friends, not able to sit still for 5 minutes, disobeying minute to minute, smearing feeces on the walls and all over the place, leaving poop in the tub when I finally DID win a nightly battle for a bath...screaming, having meltdowns....and our list goes on and on.
Yesterday - my son called to see if he could come to the house and if he could bring a 4-wheeler he "earned" to work on. Then wanted to talk to his Dad. "Hi Dad - not just "HEY I WANT." started the conversation.
Then "Would you have time IF I bring my 4 wheeler there to help me?" and Df said "Of course" (believe me against his better judgement) he always gets screwed in these "can you" deals. But today - even started out different.
So he showed up like he said - brought the 4 wheeler WITH RECEIPT like he said, and then ASKED (don't faint old board aunties) ASKED DF WHERE he could put it....where could he work on it....COULD he use some tools? COULD DF help him he didn't understand how this works.....and the list went on and on and on - to the point that I just grabbed a lawn chair, grabbed my camera, and sat in the sunshine and took pictures of them both, in the garage/shop working together -side by side; not arguing, but listening to each other....and laughing.......DID YOU HEAR ME??? LAUGHING = TOGETHER about putting this old hunk of junk together and making it nice...listening to the "Plans" about how it can be made nicer and talking "Shop".
It may not seem like a lot to anyone else who has a child but this in 18 years has NEVER happened. I got a call asking, I actually had a child SHOW up, and he LISTENED and DID as he was instructed. OMG it was amazing.
The most amazing part came when we needed to go to the grocery store. DF actually TOLD Dude that he would LEAVE him there - in HIS shop to work on some other things he wanted to work on AS LONG as he could TRUST him to close up properly. DF never went on and on about how things should be or HOW to do anything - he just said "I am going to trust you one more time to do things properly when you leave." and you know what?
We went grocery shopping, and Dude called - someone he knew came by and offered to give him a ride home (He had them wait outside) and called us and said he was locking the shop, house up and leaving DF's phone on the table - he had to (ready for this?????) GET HOME EARLY so he could shower (OMG THANK YOU FOR WATER USE) and get to bed early (Could the pills be working?) and get up for COMMUNNITY SERVICE (BECAUSE>>>>>>>) he does NOT have school MTW and he can work 8-5 and get ALL his community service done in three days instead of sleeping in (BLINK BLINK) HE called (OMG ) and asked the man that runs the place where he is doing community service "CAN I COME 3 days this week and get it done?" ON HIS OWN.....
I can't tell you how well I slept last night - It's much easier to sleep with a smile on your face....and to me this was HUGE.....I'm on a cloud today and so .....mmmmm Appreciative of the yesterday I got to witness.
I never thought I'd live long enough to see Dude and Df working together on something - and laughing.....
OH and FYI - when we got home - Dude was gone, the door was locked, the garage was NEAT as a pin - even swept.....locked....and DF nearly had an shock attack from beacon of light shining from my grin.....
(but I gotta tell ya I was holding my breath until he flipped the light on) lol
I even ..........got 2 hugs. BEFORE I left for groceries......
AMAZING......
