Wee difficult child's bio once made an empty promise to take him to the races. I wasn't there, but bio's mom was, and after she got done jumping down his throat about making idle promises he knows he can't keep, we came up with a plan to explain to wee why he couldn't go, if it ever came up again. We tell wee difficult child that his bio dad doesn't know how to take care of him. And that's true.
I beleive bio dad is every bit as impaired, if not more, as wee is, and I beleive he is just not capable of being a father in the traditional sense to his children. I leave it to the kids to form their opinions.
One thing sticks out to me, tho, K, about this...you say your difficult child is angry at his father now. Even if he asks, I'm not sure I'd give him any info about the man now til he movs on to a more accepting stage in his grief. He is wanting to make his bio father pay; he's wanting to make the man own up to his responsibilities; he's wanting to control another human being...I don't think that's good to encourage at this point with difficult child.
difficult child 1, also, at your difficult child's age, went back and forth between hating bio mom and dreaming that she would suddenly become the world's perfect mother. It was hard to keep my opinions to myself, but I did. When his birthday would come and go without hearing from her, I might remind him that it was just like last year, but then I'd just hug him and tell him that I loved him. He still wishes his parents didn't run off and abandon him, but he accepts the reality that they did. That's a heavy load for a young teen to haul.
I understand where you are coming from, for sure. There are days that my feeling for DEX are things I can't even print, but take my emotion out of it, and the man's a mess, plain and simple. I will go after him some day for support. Some day. For now, difficult child needs stability more than money, and I try to keep that in perspective.
(and I might add that I'm saying that with an electric bill staring me in the face that I'm not sure how to pay...still...difficult child needs the stability more...I'll figure the bills out somehow)