X hit difficult child 1

[Liahona]

I got a call from the school at 2 pm. Its the school therapist. She has difficult child 1 in her office and says he has something to tell me. (Of course I'm thinking he did something bad.) He gets on and it sounds like he is about to cry. He tells me that X hit him on the head on Friday. He is supposed to go to visitation at 2:30 and wants me to stop it so he doesn't have to go. I probably shouldn't have said this to him, but I told him in order to change the visitation I'd have to go to court. And it would take months to go to court. There was nothing I could do to stop it before 2:30. I also told him that if it changes it won't be for just one visit. I'm going to have to clarify with him tonight. I normally don't talk about court with him. I was just so fuddled I couldn't think of what to say. I felt so sorry for him. I talked with the school therapist again. She said the school is going to call cps. I will call them tomorrow afternoon to make sure they have done it. difficult child 1 also told her that he doesn't feel safe if X moves like X is talking about. I hope this will be enough for cps to open a case.

difficult child 1 had another hallucination this morning. He was swatting at the air. I asked him to stop. I told him he was going to hit one of his siblings in the head. He said the flies were driving him "nuts". I told him to sit down and eat. He swatted a few more times and than sat down. I didn't tell him there were no flies. I didn't see what good it would do to upset him.

He has a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. But I don't know what medication he could give him. I think most of difficult child 1's problems right now are abuse related.

 

[InsaneCdn]

He has a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. But I don't know what medication he could give him. I think most of difficult child 1's problems right now are abuse related.

I think your assessment is correct.

However - still a good thing to see psychiatrist...
1) what can he give difficult child 1 to help deal with the trauma, anxiety, etc. while this gets sorted out?
2) this will get him on-side - how can he help with getting visitation changed, etc.?

 

[InsaneCdn]

Probably a good idea to contact lawyer as well.
Not that they can necessarily DO anything quite yet - but they will be able to tell you what the next steps are, timing, what you need, etc. nt
Plus it gives THEM a heads-up, so that when the ducks are lined up, heads can roll. (sorry, really warped humor - just the way it came out!)

 

[JJJ]

Get the paperwork ready for an ex-parte filing. If CPS investigates and recommends that difficult child not attend visitation, file in court for an ex-parte, subpoena the CPS worker and the school therapist. CPS does not have the authority to tell you to ignore the court order for visitation but if they tell you not to allow it, you need to go to court so that they don't come back at you for failure to protect. Sadly, CPS can shove you right in between a rock and a hard place.

 

[flutterby]

I'm so sorry. I hope CPS intervenes.

They generally prescribed atypical anti-psychotics for hallucinations (i.e., risperdal, zyprexa, seroquel).

 

[buddy]

They generally prescribed atypical anti-psychotics for hallucinations (i.e., risperdal, zyprexa, seroquel).

I dont have any experience with a child having psychotic illness, but I do have a child who has had visual disturbance...for him it was derealization/depersonalization. It was treated as anxiety related for years but ended up being temporal lobe seizures (lt side tends to affect visual things more they said, but his start on rt. and spread left). They feel his high dose of concerta (any medications in this class would do this) can be contributing either by causing it or by lowering the seizure threshold. temporal lobe seizures are notoriously hard to manage, but for mine lyrica has helped a lot. he rarely complains of "feeling fake" and says head aches are gone.

I know we have all heard of other medications causing hallucinations too. Is this an ongoing thing you have already been working on? have I heard right that visual hallucinations tend to be more from neurological disturbance than auditory which can be related to psychosis more (I know, they are all "neurological" in terms of in the brain, but I mean structural issues, seizures, certain diseases, etc.)? Just wondering.

 

[keista]

((((HUGS)))) So sorry for difficult child 1. (and you of course) Hopefully they contacted CPS today and you can get the ball rolling on this. I pray that things were 'quiet' during today's visit.

 

[susiestar]

(((((hugs)))))

In our state CPS CAN file to stop visitation and they get court dates withing 24-48 hrs of the report of abuse. So make school report it, if they did not report it TODAY and they did not report it when he told them before, then your lawyer NEEDS to file against the school for not reporting. I know you don't want to report teacher/therapist whomever, but it needs to happen if they delay calling by even a day.

have you gone to the domestic violence center in your area? Not the shelter, you have a home. What difficult child is experiencing is DV, and they will give him therapy for free, be able to do the interview to get him to tell them what is going on (school therapist is probably NOT trained, or not experienced in this) and document things. They will know which lawyers are best to deal wtih this, be able to help you with the cost of that lawyer most likely, and have a LOT of other ways to help both you, difficult child, and the rest of the family. even though your husband and the other kids are NOT related to X except through difficult child, they also may get help because his problems and fears will greatly impact his sibs. Plus the rage your husband must feel knowing x hurt you and continues to hurt difficult child must be hard to handle.

I know difficult child has people he sees. psychiatrist needs to know this. but a specialist in abused kids is warranted, and may be able to get a LOT more out of difficult child now that he has opened up a little. So get that ball rolling asap.

Give difficult child a gentle hug from me. Poor kid should never have to handle this!

 

[Liahona]

difficult child 1 has had hallucinations (auditory, visual, tactile, and olfactory) since age 5.

Thank-you for all the support. Susie the school did report last time after about a week and a half. I'm not going to let it go that long this time. I'm calling the principal tomorrow to make sure they reported. I'll also contact the domestic violence people.

Thank-you I'll be talking to my lawyer.

What is ex-parte?

 

[BusynMember]

Does biodad have some sort of diagnosis, like bipolar or schizophrenia...or does anyone in his family or yours have any sort of psychosis?

The stress of having to visit X sure won't help. Why won't anyone intervene to help this child? If the child is afraid to go, will CPS still not investigate the X? Can't anyone do anything?

I'm with your poor kid. X sounds crazy to me. (((Hugs))) and hope there is an investigation and that this gets taken seriously this time.

 

[HaoZi]

I think the phrase you're looking for is "emergency injunction," but I could be wrong. Ex Parte I don't recall, but might not hurt to toss out both phrases.

 

[Steely]

Wow-Liahona! This is actually GOOD news. He finally came forward as you had been praying he would. Now all you have to do is stay on the tails of these guys to do their due diligence in reporting the abuse. Did the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) ever come forward and report what they were supposed to?

 

[keista]

Ex-parte simply means that the other party does not have to be there and does not have to be given timely notice - it's an emergency. If it's granted, it's temporary until a proper hearing can be held with all parties present.

 

[Liahona]

difficult child 1 starts out scared. Then goes to visitation and has a good time (honeymoon). Then wants to drop the whole thing. He is now saying it was just a tap on the back of his head.

I've tapped him on the back of his head. And he doesn't act scared of me. I'm frustrated with him. I'm still going to give the lawyer the heads up and make sure they called tomorrow.

No, the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) hasn't called. And, I've been so busy with difficult child 1's behavior with his sister I haven't called the licensing department either. Thanks for keeping me on track.

Thanks for the explanation on ex-parte.

 

[InsaneCdn]

difficult child 1 starts out scared. Then goes to visitation and has a good time (honeymoon). Then wants to drop the whole thing. He is now saying it was just a tap on the back of his head.

Just reacting here, but...
Statements made to people at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or school are more reliable, not just because you are the Mom and there are issues with your relationship with Dad. There can be all sorts of reasons why he would exaggerate or downplay any particular issue to YOU. Most of those don't generally exist with third parties (I know, not always...)

You have no idea what X may have said to difficult child 1. Maybe he's threatened to harm you and the others if difficult child 1 says anything. There could be all sorts of reasons why difficult child 1 is scared to go... and scared to stay and talk. difficult child 1 is most likely being put into a lose-lose proposition by X.

Just reinforces the need to force the "third parties" to report. NOW. Every time.

 

[Liahona]

Thank-you Insane. I hadn't thought of that. He is down playing it to me. The last few times he has told school or my mom - not me. He used to tell me and not anyone else. Something has happened to put him off of telling me.

 

[BusynMember]

Abused kids (of which we had several of through foster care) tend to be afraid to turn in the adults. The adults threaten them such as, "I'll hurt your family if you tell" or "You'll never see Mom again if you tell."

We had a foster child who had repeatedly been sexually abused by his former foster mother. He claims she even sometimes held a gun to him while doing it. It was clear he was traumatized. After he finally told us, we asked why he hadn't told his social worker or the cops or a teacher and he said, "Because nobody would believe me. She would say I'm lying and hurt me more." We turned her in and she was no longer a foster mother, by her own choice, and nobody seemed that eager to buy his story. That's why kids are afraid to tell...nobody DOES anything to help them and often they are called liars. And the abuser gets to hurt them more. Frankly, the system hoovers, which is why we quit foster care. They are really not very good child advocates.

 

[AnnieO]

I'm with JJJ... Except...

We have had this exact situation with Jett. He was punched in the head - nasty, nasty goose egg - and he told his teachers. CPS was at our house that same afternoon. (Of course, he had to tell the CW that it wasn't stepmom... "Wrong Mommy" is what he said. It was horribly, terribly funny...)

Here's the reality: Please, before he changes his story. Go to the court, request a civil protective order. They will hold an ex parte hearing; ex parte is, in Latin, means "by or for one party". The judge/magistrate will listen to what you have to say. CPS and/or the teacher is not required; the simple fact that the school called you will be enough. This buys you some time, usually about 2 weeks. It will also show difficult child that you will do whatever you can to protect him. At the full hearing, you can request supervised visitation, and the kids will get to see their father - but not in a situation where he can hurt them.

I take this stuff very, very seriously. Kids are easily swayed - by threats, bribes or both. And DV escalates - FAST.

...Probably not the most popular person for saying this, but it's my opinion. Whatever you decide to do, I'm with you 100%.

 

[seriously]

I'm sorry but I do not understand how a mandated reporter can legally take more than a few hours to file a CPS report of suspected abuse let alone a week and a half.

I would call CPS and tell them your son's school told you that he disclosed possible abuse to school staff and you want to make sure that CPS was notified as you are very concerned for your child's safety during upcoming visitation.

 

[BusynMember]

It was explained to us, in a meeting at our daycare by two CPS workers, that only if a child is severely bruised can anything be done anyway (especially if the child isnt talking). I was shocked, but found out later than it was true. Sadly, the child has to talk and the mandated reporters have to SEE proof of abuse. At least, that is clearly what we were told. Therefore, there is little protection for kids unless they are bruised all over. The mandated reporters have little to tell CPS, unfortunately.