I've been gone awhile. I felt that I had absolutely nothing to offer this group and a rest from responding at all might do me good. I don't think much of anything does me any good. Despite some family issues, I'm back here again with the hope of getting a few words of wisdom from my friends. I have no other friends. difficult child is almost thirteen (7th grade) and I was prepared for normal teen stuff, but this is going beyond that. I dunno, as bad as I wanted him when we adopted him at birth, perhaps he belongs somewhere else where the family can be a happy one. My difficult child has gone to therapy almost nonstop since he was four. Currently he's not going....it was doing no good and we were wasting $$ and insurance. Now I'm threatening to take him to the therapist once again, but I won't really because nothing changes. All WE get out if it is a sounding board for me. With difficult child as long as we are spending money on him, or entertaining him, or he's fully medicated (of course he can't be medicated 24/7) etc. he's a nice child. Deviate from that and hold onto your hat. He's particularly horrendous to me (I know, I know, I've told you this before), but when does he start realizing that no mother has to live with her child treating her this way? I know you all understand and husband says he understands, but you and I both know he doesn't really get it. He jumped on his bed (yes, I told you he's almost thirteen) and broke it to smithereens. I finallyl got him to pack his own lunch and this morning he pounded his sandwich so hard he obliterated the bread, so he just took the bread off to throw it away and I told him he was eating it. He stuffed it into the sandwich bag and said he'd throw it away at school then. He has no regard for money. He goes around the house pounding on the walls despite us asking over and over to stop doing that. (We just spent $5k having the house painted.) difficult child taunts me, he incessantly torments the dogs, makes faces at me, tells me NO!, laughs in my face....DAILY! He'll eventually tell me he's sorry, but when is that no longer good enough? He's medicated to the max and I'm on anti-depressants. Still for him, there's those hours that he can't be medicated. His Focalin XR lasts a maximum of 4 (in reality it lasts 3 1/2 hrs) hours, he takes it twice a day, he can have a regular Focalin as needed which lasts 2 hours max, but then he can't sleep and by the end of the day HE NEEDS TO GET OUT OF MY FACE, so I seldom give him the regular Focalin. He's also taking Abilify (dreadfully expensive) and Lithobid. I think he's on plenty of medications and I don't want him to be a zombie, but I also want a little respect and peace in this house. husband has just had it with him and when he's home from work it's nonstop yelling. This isn't helpng difficult child and it's making me ready to run away. I feel better just being able to vent here. If anyone has ANY suggestions, please speak up. I have bloodshot eyes from crying so much....no, actually I just plain look like h e double-hockey sticks. Tired....just plain tired.