A nice call for once

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, Aug 1, 2014.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I spoke with difficult child today. He called from a new number that I didn't recognize and I answered because I thought maybe it was someone calling from easy child's day camp. Anyway - he was in a wonderful mood. He was at the soup kitchen and had just won a new bike in their raffle. I heard everyone in the background congratulating him. It really sounded like he's well liked there. He said the bike is red and silver and really nice and that it made him feel good to win something for a change. I told him that I was very happy to hear that and congratulated him. I have to say I'm forever grateful for the people in this community who help the needy. I try to give back and donate whenever I can and I'm doing their annual Hunger Walk in October.

    He also told me he's living in the local apartment complex with two other guys. He sleeps on the floor and cooks breakfast and dinner and pays $200 per month for rent. I had to urge to ask who is he living with, is it safe, where is he getting the money for rent, etc but I sat on my lips and didn't ask any of that. It's none of my business and I want it to stay that way. All I said was that it seems like he's doing well and I was happy to hear that. One thing he said that made me laugh was "it's not in the ghetto Mom, so don't worry". I told him at this point, even in it was in the heart of the ghetto, I'd be 100% ok with that. It's better than him living at the train station.

    So yeah - things are ok at the moment. I don't know how long they'll stay that way but I'll take every moment I can get these days.

    I just want to add that like some of our others member here, I used to worry that difficult child was going hungry and was all alone and didn't have anyone but with time I've learned that it's actually quite the opposite. There are many wonderful resources out there and the soup kitchens and food pantries feed them well. There is a whole community of other people in his situation and he has friends and companionship within that community. It's taken me a long time to accept that fact but now I embrace it.

    Anyway, happy Friday fellow warrior moms. I hope you all have a wonderful, peaceful weekend!
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  2. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I am happy you got that phone call! :) You HAVE to enjoy the good when you get it...
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  3. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Me too PG! I needed that today. It's very rare these days that I get good news from difficult child! Lol

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  4. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    That is good to hear! Take that positive talk and relax for the weekend
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good news JKF. Have a wonderful day and a fun weekend!
  6. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    JKF great post. You have stayed out of the way and have allowed difficult child to start to figure some things out on his own.

    This is the fruit of that detachment.

    I am so glad and it sounds like his attitude is also changing as well as his behavior and decisions.

    This is a good day JKF. Let's relish it.

    Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
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  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I love a good news post!!!
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  8. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I loved reading that he called you almost immediately after winning the bike. That is so sweet a thing, to be loved like that.


    I wholeheartedly agree that, as COM mentioned too, these good things happening now for both of you have to do with the hard work you have done to detach from the old patterns with this son of yours. We went through something recently involving one of our grands. I stuck to healthy detachment theory instead of rescuing, and over time, every aspect of the initial situation is resolving beautifully.

    I am happy for you.

    Once we have proof that detachment works better than our usual rescuing behaviors, it becomes easier not to rescue.

    After everything we've all been through, even that little piece of certainty about how to respond to our difficult child kids feels like generous blessing.

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  9. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    I was so happy to read this, JKF! Continue to stay the course, we are behind you...
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  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Great post.
  11. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Wonderful post.

    Bet he cherishes that bike more than he ever cherished the cars he was given to drive.
  12. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Actually I'm sure he does cherish it more seeing as how he's never had nor driven a car. He never got his license because by then he had run away from the group home and started his descent into homelessness. I'm actually glad he never got his license. That would have surely been a disaster!

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  13. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    This is very very true, Cedar.