toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Copa wrote in another thread started by Trying..... “If you are worried about YOU FEELING LIKE YOU ARE ABANDONING HIM, that is a different thing all together. You could tell him. I am pulling back, because that is what is good for you right now. Know that I love you with all my heart. And pull back.
I think my hovering and breast beating only made things worse. I am not saying you do that. I do. But pulling back is not abandonment. My g-d they are men, not babies.”
Wow wow wow!!!
This really spoke to me and I stayed awake last night thinking about it and I am still processing this and could definitely use some discussion around this. When my son was 14 we went him to a wilderness program and then to a therapeutic school. The wilderness program was great but he was very upset that he was going to the therapeutic school out of state and not going home. We left him there and he literally tried to keep us from leaving by staying by the car. It definitely felt like we abandondoned him there. Now we flew down every month for a year for their family weekends! And although he hated it the program did him a world of good and he did very well the first year he was home and it probably saved my daughter as she blossomed with him away.... but I am still haunted by that memory of leaving him there.
This is all of course magnified by the fact that my so was adopted so he already has abandonment issues which I am very well aware of.... and have always been very sensitive to..... and so I think often adoptive parents are ..... so this is my issue to. I dont want my kid to feel abandoned so I bend over backwards to make him feel that I will love him no matter what he does to me no matter what he says to me..... but yes at what point is enough enough? And really it is time for him to grow up and act like a man!
Thoughts on this?
TL
I think my hovering and breast beating only made things worse. I am not saying you do that. I do. But pulling back is not abandonment. My g-d they are men, not babies.”
Wow wow wow!!!
This really spoke to me and I stayed awake last night thinking about it and I am still processing this and could definitely use some discussion around this. When my son was 14 we went him to a wilderness program and then to a therapeutic school. The wilderness program was great but he was very upset that he was going to the therapeutic school out of state and not going home. We left him there and he literally tried to keep us from leaving by staying by the car. It definitely felt like we abandondoned him there. Now we flew down every month for a year for their family weekends! And although he hated it the program did him a world of good and he did very well the first year he was home and it probably saved my daughter as she blossomed with him away.... but I am still haunted by that memory of leaving him there.
This is all of course magnified by the fact that my so was adopted so he already has abandonment issues which I am very well aware of.... and have always been very sensitive to..... and so I think often adoptive parents are ..... so this is my issue to. I dont want my kid to feel abandoned so I bend over backwards to make him feel that I will love him no matter what he does to me no matter what he says to me..... but yes at what point is enough enough? And really it is time for him to grow up and act like a man!
Thoughts on this?
TL