An "aha" moment

[Big Bad Kitty]

So.

I'm not a frequent watcher or the Oprah show. But I caught a small part of her show today. I don't even know in what context this fit into the show, but this bears repeating. And I hope it helps someone.

I read here often about parents (mostly moms) feeling guilty. There was a mom on the show, talking about how she felt bad because she looked into her sons "unforgiving" eyes.

Well, "The Ope" (that's what we lovingly call her here in Chicago. We're all like close friends with her and stuff.) had the life coach from her magazine on the show. She told this mom that parents love their children, expect that their children see that, and follow that example. But the fact is, children watch how parents (again, mostly moms) view THEMSELVES, and THAT is how they treat others.

This mom had not forgiven herself for whatever the reason was (I missed it). There was another mom who was so depressed, but lived only to please her child. She could not understand why her child did not love himself. It was because the mom did not love HERSELF. The life coach said that she had met one man in her life that was very well adjusted. When she asked him about his childhood, he said that his mother "loved life", no matter how it got.

Remember, it is not "God never gives us more than we can handle".

It is "With God's help, I can handle anything LIFE gives me".


Total "aha" moment. I hope that this helps somebody.


:kisses:

 

[amstrong]

I needed to see this-thanks so much!

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I needed to hear it too. There I sat, bawling...what a powerful message.

 

[Kjs]

Makes soo much sense to me. Powerful. I need to change myself. I have been SO depressed for a quite a few months. Maybe that is why difficult child and I are just not getting along. there was a time when I worked out, felt great and felt great about myself. Things were good then. I cannot be the cause of difficult child feeling bad. This just gave me the push I needed. thanks.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Kjs,

I'm glad you saw this. You needed to. It is evident that you are depressed, and you need to take care of yourself. You cannot POSSIBLY take care of your son if you aren't taking care of yourself first. And he won't respect you or take you seriously until and unless he sees you respecting yourself.

School is out soon. The timing is perfect. You have the summer to at least not worry about phone calls from school. Make a decision to put husband in charge of difficult child. Let him Let husband take care of your son so that YOU can take care of YOU.

Talk to a doctor about your medications. Certain ADs work differently on different people. Get on a medication that will help you. THEN, see a therapist. I know psychiatrists issue medications and then shoo you out the door. Make an appointment with a couselor or therapist so that you can actully TALK to someone who is unbiased about your situation. You HAVE to do this. Right now, you are feeling like th victim (of difficult child & husband) as well as the person whose fault it is. Talk to someone about it. Start feling good about you.

Take the summer to get to know you. If it is your thing, go to church. Connect with nature. Take a water colors class. Rent a cabin for a weekend, if you can. Visit a friend. This needs to be the summer of YOU, so that you can come back in the fall WHOLE.

You are not whole right now. Your son needs you whole. And yes, he does need you. More than you know. More than HE even knows.

Pulling for ya here...lots of hugs and prayers...

 

[mattsmom27]

Thank you for posting this!! I have been thinking on this topic ever since difficult child moved back home. For years I was stomped all over by everyone, difficult child, mother, brother, partner etc. Obviously I didn't love myself or I would have done what it took to put a stop to it long ago. I finally had my aha moment on this about the time difficult child moved out which was also right when I was leaving my ex who did not treat me right, which was also when I had gastric bypass to stop destroying my body and was learning to love myself and embrace myself. The more I made the changes to love myself and stop being stomped on by others, the more I saw changing in difficult child. Now with difficult child home it is completely apparent to me that this is part of the reason difficult child is doing well here. I do love myself and somehow without even knowing it I now seem to be commanding respect and loving behaviours towards me.