any suggestions???

[saving grace]

Hi Friends

Well, it isnt working out with difficult child at my house, its been about 2 1/2 months and thats about 2 months too long. He is just disrupting my life wayyyyy too much. There is not trust earned, he lies constantly and his temper is unaccpetable.
I have told him that it isnt working out and that he has to go, I have told him calmly and I have also screamed at him. He says NO, I have no where to go, I told him that is not my problem and that he should have thought about his circumstnaces before he screwed up time and time again. He refused to leave nicely.

SO without calling the police does anyone have any suggestions to get him out? I want to really try to get him to go without having the police involved for now.

I just want my home back, my quiet, my laughter. Since he has been here there is no laughter, no peace.

If he it comes to it, we will call the police. but for now I just want to try to avoid that scene.

Grace

 

[GoingNorth]

Short of having him removed from the home and a protection order put in place to prevent him breaking, etc., no. I have no further suggestions.

But, the only way you are going to get this twenty year old trespasser off your property is going to be to use the legal system.

Note I say trespasser. He's a legal adult and the moment he refused to leave, that is what he becomes.

toK

 

[Getting happier]

I would simply say "That's it ! You have to live elsewhere. Believe me saving grace, I think I may be exactly where you are soon and that is what I plan to say to him if and when the lying and distrust and friends over and disrespect and all that stuff starts up again. It has been 2 yrs since he lived with us. I do not know if anything changed. He will be over 18 yrs and I will not put up with it. difficult child have great luck at finding people to let them live with them if they cannot support themselves in apt. I would tell my difficult child that he has to get roommate and get apartment, in effort to try to build some independence and ability to pay for himself. Sharon

 

[everywoman]

Could you move and not tell him where??LOL! I wish I knew the answer. The only way I will ever get my difficult child out of the house is to pay him to leave. But then he would just blow the money and come back.

 

[KFld]

That may be the easiest way, move and don't tell him where you went. Just kidding!! We know you can't do that, but I really have no suggestions as to how to do it without police involvement if he won't leave.

Sometimes that would make it much easier for all of us though, if we could just go away and our difficult child's couldn't find us. Wouldn't they be surprised!!!!

 

[DammitJanet]

Sigh...Im so sorry it has come to this. I had hoped he would turn around for all your benefit.

The police involvement may not be as easy as it sounds. I attempted to toss Cory out one time by calling the cops and they informed me I would have to go thru eviction proceedings because this was considered to be his home. They just wouldnt remove him. Never mind the fact he was being a pain in my behind and causing me all kinds of problems. If I could wait the approximate time it would take to evict him legally, I wouldnt need the cops...lol.

So...if you want to get him out, I would start by going to court and asking how to evict someone from your house. I think you have to serve him notice first. In writing.

 

[OTE]

Question:
Do you mean physically remove him as in have police come to lift him up and take him out? Or do you mean legally get him out as in evict him in court?

I could get mine physically out, get someone to invite him over for a beer. UGH. I could change the locks, put his stuff outside, etc. But he'd get back in one way or another, pick a lock, break a window, etc. Then I guess I'd have to get the sheriff to evict him, but the pattern would repeat. I think you could file trespassing charges once you've legally evicted him and keep doing it until they really lock him up for it. But unless he has attacked, harrassed, etc you I don't think you can get an order of protection. I understand that the cops responding to that vs trespassing might get more reaction from a judge, but the result would be the same, a couple days in jail and he'd be back.

Only thing I can think of is to find some place else for him to go that he wants to go. eg buy him a bus ticket to someplace warm in Winter where he knows someone. Hopefully he'll crash on their couch, move on to someone else, and so forth. But without bus fare to get home...

 

[1905]

Try this: Tell him he has to leave and you'll drive him wherever he wants to go. When he says he has nowhere to go , offer him a ride to a homeless shelter. He'll say no, but stand firm. If it works, great, otherwise you will have to go the whole eviction route. But definately don't delay. My difficult child would have rather been homeless, then work. Then when he realized how dire his situation was- it took awhile, and only when he didn't have anyone to "help" him,he got a job and is doing things for himself on his own. For now, this situation is working for your difficult child-he's quite content, but getting out of there will be the best thing for him. And for you.-Alyssa

 

[TYLERFAN]

I am so sorry.
Maybe give him a date he has to be out by. Start the legal eviction process just in case.....
Then you must change the locks, once he is out legally.
Does he ever go out? I took my difficult child's key at one point and when she tried to get back in, she wasn't able to.
Give him a list of shelters, organizations, food pantries.
Drop him off at dept of social services.
I am just throwing out ideas here.
I know how hard this is, but sometimes living with a difficult child is much harder.

Blessings,
Melissa

 

[KFld]

I feel so bad for all of you who deal with this problem. I guess I was fortunate that when I kicked difficult child out he just went. He knew we weren't giving him an option and that he had to figure it out.
I don't know what to say, because I never dealt with it, but I do feel really really bad that you have to be going through this.