tryingtobestrong, it sounds like you are doing all of the work to try to keep him sober. The bottom line is that you can't fix him. I know because I tried for years to fix my daughter. I thought if I could just find the right doctor, the right medications, the right rehab, the right sober living house, then I could make her sober.
But I couldn't. We spent over $70,000 of our retirement money on a very expensive three-month program and subsequent sober living houses. This was before the ACA when she didn't have insurance. She relapsed almost immediately.
Once the ACA was passed and she got insurance, she went to three more in-treatment programs in Florida followed by many stays in sober living and relapsed each and every time.
As my therapist repeated over and over to me, I couldn't change my daughter's behavior. She was going to do whatever she wanted to do. The only behavior I could change was mine.
When my husband and I finally got strong enough to set boundaries and tell her she was on her own, she decided she didn't want to keep living that lifestyle and got sober.
I don't remember how old your son is but if he was living in an apartment he must be an adult. It is time to expect him to act like one.
My daughter was also diagnosed with various mental illnesses along the way. She was in dual-diagnosis treatment centers and it seemed every psychiatrist she saw came up with something new.
Once she got sober, the symptoms disappeared. It is virtually impossible to diagnose a mental illness when they are in active addiction. The interventionist we used said that 80% of the mental illness behaviors go away with sobriety. I don't know if that is correct but it certainly held true for my daughter. Just so you know, she was diagnosed at different times as bipolar, borderline, bipolar with borderline tendencies, depressed, social anxiety disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, and probably more that I have forgotten.
Now that she has been sober for over two years, the only thing that she takes is an anti-depressant. All of the bipolar and borderline symptoms have disappeared. She is loving, kind, responsible, and financially independent.
Back to the release, tell them you will not pay a dime if he doesn't sign that release. He is holding you emotionally hostage and playing a game. Don't fall for it.