Appalled

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SomewhereOutThere, Oct 26, 2017.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    So lately, after not thinking about Goneboy for years, I have had him on the brain again. Maybe I psychically knew he was about to break my ex's heart, so here goes the story.

    Ex always favored Goneboy over Bart and Princess, stating pride in his work success and how Goneboy never ever asks him for money. This in spite of the fact that Goneboy also doesnt see my ex much and never includes him for holidays or helps him out.

    I always figured Goneboy allowed ex a limited role in his life because Goneboy is very money hungry and wants to be in ex's will. Ex has an illness he has had since age 27 and it is quite serious. He has outlived all expectations. And he has lots of money.

    Today ex asked Princess to please come over and, like she always does, she did. Ex sat her down, quite distraught and conflicted, and blurted to her that Goneboy had called a few weeks ago....to ask for $100,000 so that he could buy land for a new home!

    He did not say "loan."

    Goneboy has a big house with an underground pool in a wealthy Chicago suburb. He doesnt need a new home. He just wants one. He said that his wife's parents are also handing them $100,000. Her parents are in their nineties and not that wealthy and have other kids. Princess said she doubted they were giving them anything. I dont know for sure, but think Goneboy made that up.

    Back at his house with Princess, ex seemed very upset by the request and Princess was outraged. She said something like "you may help me and Bart when we are in need of it, but $100,000??? Goneboy still has his house, right? He doesnt NEED another one. His house didnt burn down, right? He isnt homeless, right?"

    She went home fuming and called me to vent.

    Ex is very weak, for lack of a better word. He can have trouble saying no. Princess and I did not know if he would do the $100,000 gift or not. Fortunately, ex values his own brother's opinion above his own. His brother worked very hard and was very rich even before he inherited from their mother. Brother has helped his kids when they were in need, but he was furious at Goneboy. "Absolutely not!!! He never should have asked you! Thats a lot of nerve!"

    So ex called Princess and firmly stated he would never do it. And he probably wont. His brother has extreme influence over him and, frankly, his brother is kind, smart, and concerned for ex's welfare.

    Ex's last words on that money gift subject to Goneboy were "let me think about it."

    Since Goneboy has talked to ex about the money, Goneboy hasnt called back. Maybe he is waiting, hoping. Maybe he is punishing. He is good at the latter.

    I am flabbergasted. I never saw this coming. I thought Goneboy would just quietly wait for ex to die, then collect his third of the inheritance. Ex has him as executor...Gawd.

    Ex is always very defensive and protective of Goneboy. I am sure he is confused and angry and very disappointed in his greedy request. He recognizes that this was not asked of him out of hardship.

    I am appalled. Even on my worst day (and I had some) it never even floated through my.mind to ask anyone for that much money. Not even in a daydream.

    I always thought Goneboy was a shell of a person who needed status symbols to feel important. Maybe I am right.

    Ex will likely never say to Bart or Princess again "why cant you be like Goneboy and never ask for money!"

    Still wrapping my head around this.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2017
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Wow SWOT that is a terrible thing to do toucan ailing parent.
    As you know I am in the throws of a nasty battle over money and it is shameful.
    I am glad your X had the support of his brother and other children.
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I almost called as I still care about him, in a friendly way. And I know he has adored Goneboy over the other two of our kids since he arrived. This must be hard on him. Neither Bart nor Princess ever asked for help regarding his/her personal pleasure. Bart is receiving help for a court case he didnt ask for about his son and once in a while ex helps Princess and her SO with bills. Ex doesnt give them anything just for their pleasure and neither asks.
     
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    This is very concerning to me. I would hate to see him try to keep your other kids from inheriting. As executor, he can take I think up to 15% for his time.

    It's so very sad that he is putting money before family. No amount of money can make a person happy. I hope your ex does not give into him. I hope he chooses someone else to be executor, perhaps his brother.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am not sure if Princess is also executor. I hope.

    Goneboy doesnt care about us...we are not family to him. He was adopted from a foreign orphanage at six, from a country that thinks of abandoned people as lesser than. His self esteem comes from the admiration of others in the most simple American way....material wealth.
     
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think Goneboy is despicable, but I have thought that for a long time. He was not trying to get his share of your ex's estate early. He was trying to get $100,000 and then he would have expected to also get an equal 1/3 of whatever is left (well, a larger 1/3 than the others because he is better than they are, of course) and the executor fee and anything else he could steal from the estate.

    He may earn a good living and hold up his "Christian" lifestyle, but I would bet that he has tried to cheat and swindle people every chance he got. He wouldn't see it as cheating. He would see it as him deserving more because he is better than everyone else.

    You need to contact your ex's brother and see if he can influence a change in the will. Goneboy needs to NOT be an executor. He has proven he is greedy and cannot be trusted.

    Goneboy had zero intentions of this large sum of money being any part of his share of the estate. It was just what his father owed him in his delusional little mind.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have no relationship with the brother and he is not the type to get involved anyway. He spoke up because ex asked him.

    I doubt anything will get ex to take him off as executor. If he can, yes, he will cheat. But there is nothing i can do.
     
  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    And unfortunately, since he's your ex, you have no control over the situation.

    I had meant to answer this earlier, but every time I re-read your original post, my jaw hit the keyboard and I couldn't type.

    I think the best word is 'gobsmacked'. Chutzpah doesn't come close to covering this.

    Yes, I've give out a thousand here or there a few times. Once to pay an insurance deductible that my mother didn't have, and once to buy a tank of oil for dear friend up North who has since passed. In neither case did I expect to be paid back.

    My mother paid me back a couple of months later. My neighbor up North's executor sent me a check from D's estate.

    Going the other way, my mother sent me a check for 2K when my furnace went out to go towards replacement. We nearly got into a fight over that, and you kind folks advised me the best way to handle a gift giver who can't afford the gift.

    But 100K?! To buy land to build a house on? When you already have a nice home with all the amenities?

    Wonder if he's in trouble financially and can't get a mortgage on open land needing "improvements" Plus, he 's had the house for several years. Why can't he borrow against' the house?
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    GN, you asked what my kids and I have asked ourselves. Why?
    Maybe he doesnt have the money he once had or just wants more for free.
    He has a LOVELY house. He would suffer nothing less. But he is the type who keeps wanting to move up the social ladder. A large home with an in ground pool is not enough for some. I am sure he wants to move to Barrington Hills (im sure you know where that is) so that he can be neighbors with Michael Jordan and Oprah. But obviously he cant do it on his own.

    I do feel strongly that he will cheat my two out of their inheritance in any way he can, but I am powerless in this. I have warned ex over and over again not to trust Goneboy, but he changes the subject. He has a strong need to believe in Goneboy. And he is my ex. I have no power over him. I hope this request opens ex's eyes a little.
     
  10. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Depending on what sort of business he is in, he may have faced sharp reversals in the last few years.

    But the housing market hasn't collapsed yet, he could get good money for his place, downsize and be comfortable.

    I do know where Barrington Hills is. I actually had a client for dog-sitting there when I first got back stateside.

    Unfortunately, one of their cops decided my old Toyota hatchback didn't belong in that neighborhood and told me to leave..IMMEDIATELY, even when I gave them the name of the family, their address, and the names and breeds of the two dogs I was supposed to be sitting for.

    I had to drive back home, call them, and have them call the blasted police so my 1984 Toyota Tercel Hatchback would be allowed to lower the property values for a week.

    The house was gorgeous, the dogs were spoiled brats, and neighbors kept calling the police on "the junker parked in the XXX's driveway".

    It wasn't a junker. It was well taken care of tiny car, but obviously not the sort of thing one who could afford to live in Barrington Hills would be caught dead near, let alone in.

    Sort of turned me off of the whole "Barrington thing".
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    GN, thats exactly the kind of town Goneboy would love...lol. im with you on the Barringtons. I would loathe Beverly Hills too. But Goneboy finds self esteem when certain others envy him.

    He left before he started his company, but he is brilliant in technology and I think he had a cell phone place or similar. And his wife is a surgical nurse.
     
  12. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I also sold a client from Barrington hills a pair of pet quality Maine Coon kittens.

    I was, for a long, evil moment, tempted to mark their prices up substantially, but didn't.

    She seemed a nice lady, did stay in touch for a few years. From the pictures on holidays , the brother and sister cats grew up happy and healthy, and had luxurious surroundings and stuff I could never have afforded for my cats.

    I used to get kick out of the looks on rich folks faces when they saw our tiny ca. 1898 prairie bungalow on tree-lined street of brick and frame bungalows.

    I had a couple of them ask if they could park in our garage because they "weren't comfortable" leaving their cars on the street. In actuality, the neighborhood we lived in had a very low crime rate, but...

    The answer was, "Sorry, we've got our van and our boat in there. There's no room.
     
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Lol! I doubt I would have had the patience for that!!
     
  14. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I used to giggle internally at them imagining just what sort of crummy boat would fit in a small 2 car garage WITH a van. LoL.

    The answer? A 16' jonboat with a 15hp motor. It and its trailer barely fit, and husband was the only one who could back the thing in there.

    Not very impressive, but we sure had a lot of fun with that boat (caught a lot of fish, too!)
     
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