Back after many months
- Thread starter tryagain
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tryagain
Active Member
(Warning -vent ahead) Just when things seemed to be going well...difficult child has said for over a month she was coming to visit us and visit with her friend who is (foolishly) marrying an old friend she's dated a couple of months. I am disappointed because she announced yesterday that now her boyfriend is also coming, and boyfriend's stepbrother a couple days later, to haul stuff back from a deserted place here. Original plans were come here ( although she picked a time her dad would be out of town most of the visit) and she had planned to visit her grandparents on the way back.Now bc her boyfriend is coming to haul that stuff,she will barely see her dad, and not spend the night with the grandparents and not be there for her very elderly grandpa's birthday or to see other relatives-just go by, get old furniture the grandparents kindly offered her, and go. It sounds like she planned all along to come bring boyfriend, get furniture, and that was it, with us footing the gas bill. I told her it was not worth the gas (which we usually will pay for on her infrequent 6 hour drives here) if she is only going to really be here the days her dad will be gone. I said, just come another time when you can spend time with family. I couldn't understand why she could only come "certain days". She still has no job and isn't "into" furthering her education. I suspect now she was trying to get a free ride for boyfriend to haul his junk. Just had to vent. You'd think by now I'd sense manipulation taking place, but cruelly, "hope springs eternal" as they say.
I'm sorry tryagain, I know how you feel, believe me, I have been in those hopeful shoes many times. I think you made a good choice to not pay for the gas so she and boyfriend could essentially do a 'drive by.' No sense in you paying for that. I think over time, we take these steps over and over again until one day we simply stop. It's tough to go through the disappointment though, I'm sorry you had to feel that. You know, take that money you would have given her for gas and go do something nice for yourself, have a spa day or something that is nurturing. Don't let this incident rob you of any more of your life..............I make those choices all the time too................hugs............
tryagain
Active Member
Just an update -talk to difficult child on the phone quite a while last night and I am pretty sure her boyfriend is the cause of all this- but she is allowing it. She cried and cried which is totally unusual. Rarely has she cried or seemed regretful for anything since she became so ill. She is having to choose between seeing family more and going back after 3 nights with him since I'm sure he doesn't want to stay here any longer than he has to. I am trying to balance this out without alienating her too much -trying to see the whole situation for what it is. This has all even made my husband and I raise our voices at each other, which is very rare. Just got to let it go...not worth all this stress.
I'm sorry tryagain, I know how stressful it is with our difficult child's and how hard it can be on us with our partners. Have you decided to not support her choice to come with her boyfriend? It seems that your daughter is in the middle of a life lesson, where she (hopefully) learns that all choices have consequences and that you can't have everything you want. Two results which always seem especially difficult for difficult child's to understand. Not always easy on us either. Hang in there. And, no, it is not worth all the stress.
tryagain
Active Member
Just kind of let it go and we will still be glad to see her & amazed boyfriend will stay w us. He isn't that bad really, just not real social. I decided to be thankful that there is someone who wants to put up with her and keep her a good ways away from us, so we can get along better. Might as well look at the good side.
