Beyond POd

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mrscatinthehat, Aug 30, 2007.

  1. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Just got off the phone with GFG2s Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    difficult children former step sister is now in residence at one of the cottages at the same campus. He saw her a couple of days ago. I immediately made a call to our social worker as this is a very bad thing. Received and email yesterday from his case manager at the facility telling me that they would not be allowed contact. Was reassured that everyone (how that is possible on a campus the size of this one I don't know). That the school had been talked to etc.

    I was slightly reassured that at least my concern was not going unnoticed.

    Well now the case manager just called to tell me that he talked to her today. I held my head on (anyone got any spare duck tape as I used all mine). Then she tells me about the conversation. Evidentally she told him that her dad and his bio mom were coming to visit her. Holy s***. This is the bad part here.

    Bio bat is not allowed contact for several reasons. Number one being I adopted him. Number two she decided in a staffing a couple years ago before I adopted him that she wanted no part in participating in these kids lives(the kids know about her decision).

    He got on the phone with me and was amazed at how happy I sounded (am I good or what). Then he told me about what had been going on and about seeing his mom. I gently reminded him that I was his mom. I also gently reminded him that she made the decision a long time ago that she wanted it that way. He started to cry. I tried to be as gentle about this as I could but firm that he was not to have contact.

    While I was on the phone with the case manager I told her that this is going to be a major problem with all of his attachment issues. He knows that she chose not to be in his life and now he sees she is going to be in a childs life she didn't bring into the world.

    I am befuddled as to how first of all his county (not a big one) would sent kids that are not to have contact and the potential adults he is not to have contact with to the same place.

    Does the battle ever end? I was having a reasonable day I should know better. Blast it.

    Sorry so long but errrrr.

  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    If your county is small, chances are maybe this is the only place for them to go?

    Can you go straight to the top and talk to the director of the place? Or at least someone higher up than a case manager?

    This is going to not be a good thing for difficult child by far. I'd be livid.

    Wish I could offer better advice.

  3. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    This Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is an out of county Residential Treatment Center (RTC). We don't have any here. I mean they were smart enough to not put my two difficult children in the same place. Don't know who will get the eventual chunk of my mind (not that I have that much to give anymore) for this but I will start with the social worker first thing tommorow.

  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Does not sound good. One more thing you have to fix, huh?

    Sigh...does it ever end?
  6. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I'm so sorry Beth. I imagine how this would feel 5-6 years down the road for me and its crushing. You are his mom. I honestly believe those that invest the time of raising a child are the true parents, not those that donated a sperm/egg.

    I would be furious. I don't know how you stayed so calm.
  7. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I stayed calm for my son. However today will be a bigger challenge as I get ready to make the call. I know that freaking out won't do any good. I just have to remember to breath and sound rational while I am on the phone. I don't want to. Poor husband works evenings now so last night I called him at work with this (its ok for him to get calls). He called difficult child 2 and talked to him. Then I called difficult child 2 back later right befre bed. Not something I would generally do because the phone is usually the link of bad behavior.

    Breathing, Breathing, Breathing will be the motto of the day.

  8. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Made call to social worker. Now we wait and see what she finds out. She did not know this had happened yet. She was angry about it also. She was angry about what difficult child 1 coud be going through because of this. She was also not happy about the fact that after we brought the concern to her to begin with on Monday that she made sure she talked with the facility about this and made a plan. I said I knew about that because of the email I had received about it. That placement didn't follow the plan somehow.

    Now we wait to find out what's next.

  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    And it comes again. Now husband tells me that bio bat called him at work last night. He waited to tell me after I hung up from the social worker. I wss typing here and he asks me several times how I am, then tells me he loves me a few times. Not that he isn't caring but sometimes you just know something is up. After 15 months of no contact (and we like that). She calls out of the blue. Bet I know why. Awful woman.

  10. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    been there done that and that is EXACTLY how my husband would behave if he received a call like that. Unfortunately, its always been me to answer the phone and get blindsided by our very own bio bat. LOL I've since added call waiting caller id and if I don't know who it is, I don't answer it!

    I'm sorry shes starting this uproar! Remember, your motto today is breathing, breathing, breathing!
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    <<<Sending BIG hugs your way>>>
    Focus on deep breaths, and visualizing only the positive. So sorry you and your son are having to go through this, it breaks my heart.