call from prison

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Teriobe, Apr 21, 2017.

  1. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Well, he sounds fine. Clear head now. Idiot! He writes to daughter but doesnt know if baby mom lets her read them. His daughter is gonna stay with us month of july and he wants to talk on phone with her. I said its up to baby mom, i will let you know. Baby mom had said to him before prison and before he committed another crime, to get his act together first cuz he ran off to do drugs. Now in prison, i dont know where she stands. I texted her, didnt negotiate on his behalf, she asked her what she wants me to do in july. Let him and her talk or not. Whatever shes said he will have to deal with it. But gonna be weird when he calls in july and granddaughter says can i talk to him. I dont know if she would but....... and when he calls in july and he can hear her in the background, .........
     
  2. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Does he know his daughter will be staying with you in July? Maybe you can arrange for the girl to be outside when you speak to him so he won't hear her. That sounds particularly cruel to me: for him to hear her in the background and not be allowed to speak to her. I hope the mother will allow them to speak. I think it's important for children to have contact with their parents even if the parent is in prison. The children need to understand that the parent still loves them in spite of making stupid choices.
     
  3. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I agree
     
  4. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Found out my son has been writing his daughter, but her mom wont give her the letters. I think its wrong. Cuz he screwed up again. But its ok her felon livein boyfriend just got popped for dui. Double standards. Boyfriend is good to her daughter, been in her life four years and calls hum daddy, which i cringe. This is all becuz my sons bad behavior, he messed up that relationship. Such :censored2:
     
  5. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Just throwing up my hands! Remind myself this mess isnt mine
     
  6. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    This is really upsetting to me. Im physically ill. Yes son deserves to be punished for crime. But not have his child cutoff from him til shes 18.
     
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think it is what is best for the child. Before doing anything, I would want to talk to a good psychologist. But the mother has made up her mind, right or wrong, thinking of your granddaughter. She doesnt have to allow you to see your granddaughter. If i were you Id do what she wants and then enjoy your granddaughter. Your son put himself in this situation twice. I am conflicted about what is right or wrong. I dont think a child should be brought to a prison at all, and I feel ademant about that. Im not sure about the phone.

    It doesnt matter. If you dont agree to Mom's terms, you may lose access to granddaughter. I know you dont want that.

    If this were me Id be angrier at my son for ending up in prison while he had a daughter than the obvious consequences of his being there. Your son can not be in his daughters life in any real way while he is in prison. But you can be a loving person in granddaughters life. And its good for her that you are!

    I would not spend time being outraged for your son over anything. He knew what he would lose by going to prison. Hopefully he will not want to go back, partly because he has a daughter who will not know him if he keeps going back.

    Take care :)
     
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  8. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Son called again, tokd gim about vaby mom not giving ltrs and shes not sure aboyt juky phone call, and he has the nerve to get pissy. Hes the one that made this mess. Omg. I was upset after phone call cuz its like he dont get it. He slams AZ i say AZ didnt cuz you to relapse or go robbing. He wants to keave AZ soo bad but i said you can do the same in any state. And he says he will be with his friend ib vegas who wilk help him and watch hes back, so i guess my helping his back wasnt goid enuf. Remarks like that get me mad and we end up arguing.
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I suggest talking to him only once a week for ten minutes. Your son upsets you and his words would upset anyone. Why listen? Guilt? Does your son feel guilty about his two prison sentences that keep him from his child or does he think other people did this to him? Ten minutes once a week in my opinion is enough.

    If your son is serious about leaving the state, he isnt all that interested in being in his daughters life. I would not push it. You cant chage him. You cant change him. You cant change him. Yes, that was three times.

    But you keep fruitlessly trying to inspire or shame or reason with an unreasonable man so you fight. But it is out of your hands 100%. 100%. Arguing with him just upsets you and nothing changes. Your son is unwilling to be a father now...proven by two incarcerations and threats to leave the state his daughter is in. But you can still be a good grandmiother. You can only control you, not Son.

    in my opinion you have too much contact with him and it stresses you, makes you sick with worry and guilt, and does not help your son one bit.Read the article on detaching, not from loving them, but from his drama, bad choices and the outcome of his life. You must detach from those issues or lose your mind.

    I hope you go to Al Anon and therapy for yourself and start putting yourself and your marriage first. Can you really blame husband for not supporting your son who is, frankly, a drug addict and criminal?

    Your son will leave you. They all do, unless you pay them to stay. In the big picture your husband will be there for you. Unless your son really changes, and right now he is unable to go to AA, school and other prison services and he wont change on his own, go on with your life. Your husband in my opinion should be more important to you at this point in your life than your wayward son.

    Be good to yourself. You are the only person you can change. You are not your son. He needs to walk his own path. You cant walk it for him. Or with him. He is on his own. No seedy "friend" will watch his back. Or can. You cant either though.

    Good luck.
     
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    Last edited: Apr 25, 2017
  10. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    His daughter isnt in this state. Mom moved her out of state 6 months before he got released from first prison time. To be with felon boyfriend. boyfriend is good to granddaughter thou. Some learn their lessons. boyfriend isnt addict. boyfriend was my sons bff. Its such a mess.
    Thanks for your advice
    My husband and i are stuck in the middle of this crap
     
  11. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Oh boy. My granddaughters mom texted. Granddaughter is allowed to talk with her daddy when he calls, mom just stressed that mom doesnt want him making any future promises to granddaughter cause he has shown he cant be trusted to be around to fulfill them. Which is true if hes gonna keep drugging, robbing, prison. So im relieved about that. Doesnt put me in the middle as much. Its funny she texted me the same day her boyfriend went to court for his dui. I wonder if hes punishment had to do with her decision. Hmmmm. I didnt ask.
     
  12. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Great. Now hes calling alot, prolly bored in prison. Sorry living my life, catch you when i catch you!
     
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  13. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Teriobe:

    I agree with SWOT. You are WAY TOO INVOLVED. Take a giant step back from your son and his situation. I KNOW how hard it is but it is best for HIM and you.

    You really need to set healthy boundaries with him. He has to figure this out for himself. Again, I reiterate that I know how hard this is. I'm doing it too.

    Hugs.
     
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