You know how we have that other thread about passive aggressive behaviour and how we hate it? Well, this is a classic example. And you burst into tears, which fed right into it further. Sorry - I see my sis-i-law doing the same thing when faced with the PA in her family (her husband, her mother and her daughter).
While it's natural to cry in such a situation, it needs a good, clean angry response. Anger is honest. And anger is thoroughly justified.
So, boyo, NOW you want to keep it zipped? And YOU are checking out adoption sites? Well, FYI, it takes TWO people to make a baby and I don't recall you fighting me off with a stick. We made a baby, it happened, and now we deal with it. BOTH of us. In a sensible, mature way. If you have a problem, talk to e about it openly and honestly. None of this BS about peeking at adoption sites or saying you won't be here next April. Because wherever you are, you are going to be a father again and that brings responsibilities.
And really, HE was looking at ADOPTION SITES? What an utter *&)*^)! Because if you were planning AT ALL to give tis baby up, you wouldn't need to go to an adoption agency. Yo could just hand it over to your sister. Or is he hoping to make a few bucks out of this?
It takes two to make a baby. It takes two to make decisions, although the mother's will should take precedence. It's her body, after all. What the crud is he going on about? HE'S not going to be the one to get piles, varicose veins, Braxton-Hicks, morning sickness, hypertension ad mood swings. OK, he's already got the mood swings. But no excuses for him. It has been a shock for BOTH of you, you BOTH have to deal with this news.
Mind you, he is likely to need time to deal with the news. This wasn't planned, and from the sound of things is not terribly welcome news either. But this baby is already a fact to be dealt with. Behaving like a petulant brat and refusing to sleep with you is idiotic, pointless and immature. If he really has gone off you because of the pregnancy and if he isn't going to stand up and take his responsibilities, show him the door.
When I fell pregnant with difficult child 3, it was a shock. Neither of us was prepared for another baby. husband I don't think wanted another baby. But he put his arms around me and said, "We'll cope. We'll find a way."
You both need to talk. But you need to find your own effective ways of shutting off PA behaviour from him. Do not let any PA behaviour ride without challenge. Confront it. Do not back off or avoid it. Remember the phrase, "If you've got something to say, say it to my face now. If you choose to not say it now to my face, you forfeit the right to say it in any other way." Absolutely fight tears, they only feed the PA behaviour all the more and allow him to mentally justify his behaviour. Even to revel in it ("good, I made her cry. So she feels something, at least. I was able to make her sorry").
I'm glad things went better than expected with your mother.
You hang in there. Whatever happens now, is going to happen. If he can't cope and walks out on you, then it's better to know now, than to waste more years of your life on a dead end. Or he might wake up to himself and choose to stick around and meet his responsibilities, even eventually welcome the baby. In which case, this becomes the making of him becoming more of a man. But from here, the ball is in his court. Whatever he now chooses to do, is HIS choice. Do not feel responsible for his choices or his behaviours. He's clearly trying to put all the blame on you, and not accept any personal responsibility. NOT ON, BOYO.
Stand your ground. Calmly, rationally, with strength.
Marg