copy of email i sent to husband's ex who is driving me nuts again

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Nov 7, 2010.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yup more issues for me, i know never ending lately.

    i sent her an email last night. she's always been a thorn in our sides. so i had finally had enough after 4 years of keeping my mouth shut and i sent her this.......

    just wanted to drop you a quick line to remind you that are you my husband's ex wife, I am the current wife. What animals, etc. we have in our home truly has nothing to do with you besides S and R having new pets. i am very confused as to why you need to question my husband regarding it and why he even bothers to answer. Probably just to get past you and back to texting S. He always has to bypass you to get to kids. It's four years now, it's time to stop. Your confusing S (step daughter) who is being told you still love dad, and he's your best friend. It's hurting her who is only 9 and doesn't get it at all. So, instead of allowing her to process her thoughts you put more on her plate. May seem like a good idea telling her that yet for one it's not true and secondly it's really mixing her up i think. I'm obviously not going anywhere and it's time to either accept my existance or simply ignore me.

    I'm your children's step mother whether you like it or not, and love them as if they were my own. yet the continuous ridiculous texts, questions, your financial situation that husband could care less about, feeding S (my step daughter) odd information only hurts your children. It doesnt' affect "our" relationship here. Your just continuing to hurt them over and over again. She spoke to me the other night in confidence, i told husband to tell you. she is confused about you being gay, not happy about your wife punishing her, also is confused why you tell her you love dad and than left him. she also told me you would show her the wedding video, which husband and i both thought would be incredibly harmful to her. I advised S to speak to you regarding the gay issue i can't really help her on that besides to reittarate to her that two ppl of same sex can love eachother its love that matters and respect not the sex of the person, yet i will always be there for her shes a great kid. put them first, and think of the way you act and the affect it has on them. Trust me I've been a parent for 18 years now and still learning. you can bash me on my parenting also thats' fine i dont' care.

    husband was going to have a talk with you about this, yet after him telling me what you have been telling S and questioning about why it is we have a puppy for our sick daughter. sheesh lol enough is enough already truly. I'Tourette's Syndrome time to just get over it and move on with your life with C (her now wife). YOU chose this life, remember that. Your very lucky she's a good person

    After all this is all about the kids, not me, you, husband or Her Wife. What's best for them should always be considered first. They are your children and I will always respect that and would never say a bad word about you to them. You unfortunately have not done the same through the years, another thing that hurts them not me. Yet you do have to finally be put into your place after four years of absurd behaviors. Texts on wedding nights, on vacation, as soon as we land. I mean come on you dont' see how weird you act? we do. husband won't do it because he's afraid youll bad mouth him to kids again. So, I took the lead. No need to respond or attack me in texts. I've spoken my peace and do wish you and Her Wife well. Just the bs has to end, it's time now. I'm going to be at their graduations, weddings, etc. it's time to let it go and move on. Funny thing is you act as though husband cheated on you with-me! We always sit and shake our heads at you like hmm what is she thinking this time.

    also husband and i both thought counseling may help S to just speak to someone and get her stuff out. If you agree, if your schedule doesnt' allow for it i can try inbetween Cs doctor appointments now to fit it in since i literally cant' work now due to her illness.

    I hope you take this message the way it was intended and not as an attack, it's just clarifying things a bit and also letting you know about S because you are her mom and should know

    I know this was long if you made it thru entire email copied i sent. She has been a problem since beginning. Than other day went on a tyraid because we gota puppy?? it never ends with her and i'm just tired of it. i've never before sent her an email, etc. to say how i feel i felt it was time to get it out there. i won't be responding to any of her responses. just spoke my peace.

    do we think this was well written?
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2010
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Jen, you left a real name in there, you may wish to edit.
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    done, thank you!!!

    so, besides that too long winded??
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I don't know if it'll change anything on her part, but I know you've got to feel better getting that out of your system.
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sometimes, even tho you know nothing is going to change, the act of stating your position (as long as you are realistic about it not changing anything) helps you feel better about a situation.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yea i'm just sooo tired of it. words can't begin to describe. i think i'm just fed up overall with alot of junk right now. and yea i popped a xanax yesterday. was just too much junk going on and my anxiety went thru roof. i didn't have panic attack yet i knew if i didn't take it i wouldn't get any sleep. i even just walked away from difficult child who was harrassing me again at midnight. put puppy away kissed her and went to bed.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I did the same thing with 2 brooms about 2 years ago. I'm a believer in communication. If you don't state your expectations and concerns, you can't expect anyone else to know them. So I did with 2 brooms. It didnt change much, but at least I know that she knows where I'm at with things. She can never say she didn't know. And that makes ME feel better.
  8. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I would have done the same thing. You made your points and said your peace. I hope you feel some relief....
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i guess i do, yet i know the fall out from what i've done will be severe. this woman isn't well. i dont' really know what her problem is i'm excellent with-her kids i truly love them. i've always done my best for them. yet since day 1 she has harrassed, name called, put me down, turned oldest step daughter against me who never comes to visit anymore. she will send inappropriate texts to husband, who has never truly planted her at all. i think what got me going this time and final straw thing also my other pressures right now and fact that husband answered her.

    she said sucker to him regarding puppy, he responded and said why? she than she you could of said no. he than said i did believe me.

    i am disapppointed in him yet again. told him how insane it was for him to respond to her text that way. he sees nothing wrong with it. so he makes alot of mistakes also. it's like banging your head into a brick wall
  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Sounds like she feels both threatened by you and jealous of you.
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i dont' get it though. she chose her life, she truly did. after 18 years of marriage and 3 kids she popped up with im gay. husband well let's just say went thru a whole lot. beginning of our relationship was rocky due to it. i can only be me. that's it. i never speak bad of her to kids ever. even when i want to, i'd never do that. i support her relationship with the woman she's with to the kids. she really needs a whole lot of therapy. i think if husband just planted her once than she'd fall in line.
  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Emotions aren't logical, but it doesn't mean she doesn't feel that you might prove to be the better mother, the better wife, the kids might like you better, etc. The kids are capable of accepting you both in your own ways, but she likely feels she'll get pushed out of the "mommy" role and has to make them choose. I know I certainly don't relish the idea of kiddo having a step-mom (esp since I know who he's with and I personally haven't been able to stand her EVER, from long before they got together) but I also get that it's out of my hands and not my choice and kiddo will form her own opinions (no doubt very strong ones that she will express very loudly irregardless of what those opinions are). Maybe she feels that she has failed him and the kids, I don't know. Maybe she's just pure-out messed up in the head. I adore my own step-mom greatly, and she's been a wonderful grandmother to kiddo, so I know the flip side of this as well. As Heinlein said "Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate — and quickly."

    (I am not advocating or advising homicide, merely giving the whole quote but thought you might appreciate the humor)
  13. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    Does husband know albout this email?
  14. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    The one gift crisis gives to us is the ability to say "STOP" and "NO". You just have to stop the world and live each moment with only what is really important. You find out really fast what your priorities are and what you do or do not want to continue doing.