Cross your fingers please.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Jan 3, 2011.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    easy child/difficult child has to make a decision within the next two days. He is either going to opt
    for his friends ("I don't call them friends...I call them family") or for our choice of taking a stab at a new path. He and "his family" think I am "manipulating" him and
    "want to run his life". Surprise...his "Mother" a/k/a GFGmom agrees.

    Truthfully (and without tears but with a heavy heart) I think he's going to flush his easy child side and go difficult child. He "doesn't care if he is homeless" "will always have meals from his family" and "doesn't want to leave the life he lives".

    It's going to be hard to let hope go. If he doesn't pay big bucks to Probation on Wed he will be "violated" and sent to jail. Then within a week the Judge can decide to put him put him on a payment plan. That means, of course, he will remain in the
    system and be subject to harrassment by the local police.

    I can't say I'm shocked but it's his choice. husband and I will always love him but we will no longer cover his back and walk at his side. If he didn't have the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) perhaps it wouldn't be so heartwrenching. Who knows. Maybe it would be.

    Anyway, I'd like some subtle CD support this week. DDD
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Rattling beads for you hon.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You've got it DDD, you have certainly been there for me. I understand how hard it is to give up hope. I think that's one of the things that's most difficult for me. Why can't they see the long term consequences of the decisions they make. I know your heart is heavy and you wish you could influence him to do the right thing. I'm sending all my support and understanding.

  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    DDD - They are definitely crossed... He may discover over time that his "family" is not so helpful and wonderful after all. And jail, although awful, may be a HUGE wakeup call for him. At least it was for my son who at least currently seems to be doing well in rehab and i have hope again. Hope is one of those things that can come and go..... Hang in there.
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Gentle hugs. Sometimes despite all the love, discipline, rewards, consequences they still make the wrong choice and never learn from their mistakes. You have done everything you can.
  6. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Just a hug. I had to make the same decision recently regarding my difficult child and it is very difficult, but I had to do something to save him and myself because nothing else has worked.
  7. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    DDD, you have my love and support. You and your husband have been wonderful and done everything and more for your difficult child grandson. Now it's up to him.

    Hugs. Love, Esther
  8. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. Sending support from this corner as well.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    3D, I'm so sorry. This is such a disappointment. It sounds so much like M. I don't know why they think this way, but they do. Big hugs...
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs and support headed your way.
  11. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Crossing fingers and sending hugs. It's so hard to watch our kids do this. You've done so much and have been
    there for him; at some point he'll remember that. I'm sorry.
  12. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I've never been accused of being subtle. All my love and support go out to you and your difficult child. Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is an awful affliction.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending lots of love and support and strength. I am so sorry it has come to this. You have done so much, given so much, and truly want only the best for him. It must be so heartbreaking to see him throw all of that away with difficult child choices. You have my love and my respect, regardless of what happens.
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Saying and prayer and sending hugs.
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Prayers and (((HUGS))).....
  16. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Fingers crossed and toes too ...
  17. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    DDD, a therapist told me once that everything I had put into my child was still there, and would come to the forefront when he needed them most. You have loved this child and taught him well.

    Gentle hugs, DDD.

  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD, Im so sorry that he seems to be making this decision. Sure isnt what we had hoped for. Like you, Im just afraid that between the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and the damage he has done to his brain drinking and using drugs in the past, he is pretty much setting himself up for a marginal life. I do hope he can keep away from the cops. That would be a blessing.

    You have to know you did all you could do. I will still pray he comes to his senses.