JMom
Well-Known Member
I usually post about my adult son who is a recovering addict. Today, I need suggestions on how to turn off my mind about my adult (50 y/o) brother. Unfortunately, I enabled him from when I was 18-30 ish. It all came to a head when he and my husband got into a physical altercation. This is long and I am merely venting.
I don't condone violence, but it created a situation where I could no longer enable.
Fast forward 20 years and my mother continues to enable. He was recently hospitalized in a mental institution, but was free to leave after receiving treatment for bipolar disorder. He was on 12 medications and being normal for once in his life. I was so relieved. My mom set up a cash trust for him, against my advice. He checked himself out the next day.
Prior to his hospitalization, He wasn't allowed in my parents home due to always being drunk and getting in my mom and dads face. My mom was paying for motel rooms for him.
My mother fell very I'll around this time, we were making arrangements for this to be her last Christmas. The caretaking fell on me and I live and work an hour and a half away. I was stressed beyond belief, working, caretaking and juggling two households. My dad is disabled as well, he cannot walk.
All of that being said, my mom's #1 priority was making sure my brother had a place to live, food, cigarettes and money. He sti called and begged and she had 3 or 4 people working on her behalf to sustain his bum lifestyle.
I decided to take him on to keep him away from her. I offered to pay his motel stay, buy his cigarettes and food if he promised to leave her alone to get well. I knew it was enabling but did it on purpose to park him temporarily.
I gave him a place to stay and bought his medications, took him to mhmr etc. When she was better, I told him to get a job and start taking care of himself that I couldn't sustain him.
She got well and sent him bus fare to come to her house 2 days ago. She asked the family not to tell me so that I would still come for Christmas. He has no intention of leaving, as he the left the key I the apartment and took a of his things.
I've decided not to go but haven't told anyone. I think I want to cut them both off but how do I quiet my brain?
I did let him know while I was providing for him, it was purposeful enabling and would stop in one month or beforehand if he took one drop of alcohol. Of course he drank, I cut him off and now he's at moms.
I know it was wrong, but thought she was going to die and I wanted it to be in a quiet, un chaotic, sober home. I know think I wouldn't have housed him for one second if he wasn't sober.
Long story short, he's not sober, so I'm out and moms in. I want my life back. How do I stop thinking about them? I'm on a seven day break from work and want joy.
I don't condone violence, but it created a situation where I could no longer enable.
Fast forward 20 years and my mother continues to enable. He was recently hospitalized in a mental institution, but was free to leave after receiving treatment for bipolar disorder. He was on 12 medications and being normal for once in his life. I was so relieved. My mom set up a cash trust for him, against my advice. He checked himself out the next day.
Prior to his hospitalization, He wasn't allowed in my parents home due to always being drunk and getting in my mom and dads face. My mom was paying for motel rooms for him.
My mother fell very I'll around this time, we were making arrangements for this to be her last Christmas. The caretaking fell on me and I live and work an hour and a half away. I was stressed beyond belief, working, caretaking and juggling two households. My dad is disabled as well, he cannot walk.
All of that being said, my mom's #1 priority was making sure my brother had a place to live, food, cigarettes and money. He sti called and begged and she had 3 or 4 people working on her behalf to sustain his bum lifestyle.
I decided to take him on to keep him away from her. I offered to pay his motel stay, buy his cigarettes and food if he promised to leave her alone to get well. I knew it was enabling but did it on purpose to park him temporarily.
I gave him a place to stay and bought his medications, took him to mhmr etc. When she was better, I told him to get a job and start taking care of himself that I couldn't sustain him.
She got well and sent him bus fare to come to her house 2 days ago. She asked the family not to tell me so that I would still come for Christmas. He has no intention of leaving, as he the left the key I the apartment and took a of his things.
I've decided not to go but haven't told anyone. I think I want to cut them both off but how do I quiet my brain?
I did let him know while I was providing for him, it was purposeful enabling and would stop in one month or beforehand if he took one drop of alcohol. Of course he drank, I cut him off and now he's at moms.
I know it was wrong, but thought she was going to die and I wanted it to be in a quiet, un chaotic, sober home. I know think I wouldn't have housed him for one second if he wasn't sober.
Long story short, he's not sober, so I'm out and moms in. I want my life back. How do I stop thinking about them? I'm on a seven day break from work and want joy.