D*** she's back.....Grrrrr

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by TeDo, Sep 28, 2012.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    The "woman" (now) that sexually abused my boys when they were three is back in town and back at her old job......at the only grocery store in town and where I just got a job in the deli department. She is a cashier in the area of the store that is next to where I'm at. I like my job and the people I work WITH (and finally having a paycheck after over a year) but I can't handle seeing her. She's 25 now and it happened 10 years ago. She was prosecuted but because she was a "minor" (16) all they could slap her with is probation until her 19th birthday (along with fines, etc.). She plead an Alfred plea which HOOVERS. It is not on her record and no one except those involved know about it. I don't want to quit my job (it took over a year to find one), I don't want her to come after me for saying anything to our employer and them possibly firing her (which they would do), but I can't handle seeing her. Looking at their department's schedule, she works most of the same days and shifts I do. Like this coming week, there is only 1 day where I'm there and she's not. When I see her, I my anxiety goes into action to the point that I shake noticeably (a co-worker questioned me about it). I am sooooo stuck between a rock and a hard place. I should be used to this by now since EVERY time things start going well for us, something caused by someone else ends up costing US. Why should this time be any different?

    Thanks for letting me vent and cry (literally) on your (virtual) shoulders. I just don't know what to do and I HATE it!!!!! There's no winning here.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Tedo....how big or small is your grocery store? Im sorry but if this happened in one of our stores in my fairly small towns, I would walk in and have a private chat with the manager just off the record if you have a fairly decent rapport with that person. I know here we are an at will work state so the manager could fire her just because they dont like the way she wore her hair one day. In fact the fact her eyes are brown is a reason. She probably didnt put this on her application and the manager can hold that against her without telling her this is why she is firing her.

    There are all sorts of ways someone could get rid of her if your manager would back you and your store could cover their butts by still giving her a reference if they wanted. Or not.
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Wow. I couldn't handle that day in and out either.
    So here's my thinking. This woman, as a teen old enough to dang well know better (she certainly wasn't an innocent child who didn't know better or was exploring ala lets play doctor!!!!), sexually assaulted very small children. For that reason alone, your employer had they known, likely would never have hired her. Add in that another current employer is mother to the victimized children. And that regardless of access or lack of to records, this woman was criminally charged and found absolutely guilty. I'm certain that your employer would again never have chosen to hire this person.

    I know random worries about revenge on you are natural. But this witch harmed your babies in the most horrific way and was criminally held responsible. I vote quietly to meet with the person in charge of hiring and firing and fill that person in. Explain your enjoyment of this job and how worrisome speaking out is given you need this job. Then make it clear this is a predator and looking at her every day isn't ok for you. Perhaps just tell them that you aren't even asking for a specific company response however you are compelled to inform them as to the situation and hope to see yourself that a
    solution is put into place. I am certain she will be gone ASAP. And frankly even if her
    Victims were not your children, this is a predator and any employer should want to to know this kind of thing.

    Many hugs for you. I absolutely cannot imagine.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is horrid! But, I would caution you to tread carefully here. Since her record is "clean", she didn't have to reveal anything to the employer on her application - unfortunately that is the law.

    You could certainly speak privately with your boss/supervisor, but I think you have to be very, very careful what you say and how much you say.

    I am so sorry that you have to live with this - it's bad enough that your children have to live with this the rest of their lives - for you to have to be reminded freshly every day is unspeakable. Gentle hugs.

  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Scr*w anxiety! I'd be giving this certain female the look of utter death every time she crossed my path. She would be the one shaking in her shoes by the time I was done. Then she'd be so unnerved she'd be the one quitting.

    But I might not be the one to give the best advice. If I see the teacher that abused Travis in the 5th grade.......I still try to run the man down. This is a small town. Needless to say, I rarely see him anymore. At school functions, thanks to the teachers union he's now principal for Kayla/Alex's part of the grade school (god help the man he does one thing to either of them), he suddenly breaks out into a sweat and stammers when he spots me. And he does spot me, I make sure I'm front row center giving him the stare of death the whole time.

    Go to the manager, explain. You don't have to request this person be fired, but you can request she be put onto another shift where you're not forced to look at her each and every day. If they fire her, it's not your problem.

  6. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I second Hound's suggestion. Since her record is technically clean, the employer doesn't have to do anything, but a reasonable accommodation would be switching her shift.
    I'm so sorry - there are no words...
  7. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Call legal aid or the DAs office in your county. There should be a victim's rights or advocacy program. Get in touch with them. Furthermore, while it may be a juvenile case & not public record - that does not prevent you from telling your manager. You can't tell LIES about people - that's libel. But the truth is that she assaulted your kids & was found guilty. So long as there was not a gag order (and I doubt it) you are free to tell whomever you wish. You are also free to file for a restraining order on behalf of you & your kids and I think it would be wise. What if she got that job to harass or intimidate you? Or to have more exposure to your kids? It would be plausible in court.

    Start with a victims advocacy service. But have no qualms about telling your manager! Usually a new hire can be let go in the probationary period without issue. "Sorry, not a good fit" etc.

    She should be uncomfortable, not you!!
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I truly understand justifiable indignation and I have had some exposure to abuse on one small child in our family BUT I hesitate to encourage you to take action. Obviously it is a terrible coincidence that you are employed at the same store but in a small community not too surprising.

    Truthfully I just don't see how you can take any action with-o placing your job in jeopardy and making your boss very uncomfortable. I may be wrong but I think I'd up my anxiety medications, repeat the Serenity Prayer and let the past be the past. It may sound like the wimpy solution but in my humble opinion I think it is the gutsy choice. Good luck deciding what is best for you...because you are the only one that can make that decision and you are the one who will live with the consequences. I am sorry and ending hugs of support. DDD
  9. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I need to clarify something. She did an Alfred Plea which means she was NOT found guilty. She simply admitted that there was enough evidence against her that she COULD be found guilty in a court of law. It is not a "sealed" record because she was a juvenile, it is a non-existant record ...... as in "it never happened" record. Applications here ask if you've ever been "convicted" of a crime.....word play.....she was never "convicted". If the employers had kinown that she was on probation when they hired her the first time, they never would have hired her at all. She didn't "legally" have to reveal anything and I'm sure her lawyer told her that.

    Also, she is now married and they had moved out of state for the last 3 years so I thought she was finally gone. Otherwise, I would never have applied for the job. If I had even thought there was a chance she'd come back, I would have remained unemployed. Her family doesn't live here anymore so I have no idea why she came back HERE.

    Hound, I have done that since the day I found out about it. She doesn't care. I was working at a SMALL food place here when she was on probation (not allowed to come within 1000 feet of my family) and she walked right in with some friends, saw me, had her friend order her food for her while she went to sit down with her back to me. This is a place with 6 tables in the whole place. I called the cops, she was hauled in on a probation violation, she appealed, and the appeals court sided with HER. Now all she does is avert her eyes when she sees me.

    DDD, I haven't needed medications in 15 years. I have had it very much under control. I haven't even seen a therapist or psychiatrist in that long either. Haven't needed to.
  10. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    OMG, how horrible! That's one of the reasons I had to leave small town Maine. I could no longer take the stress of bumping into the evil girl who used sex to bind difficult child 2 to her and get him to leave our secure family. Her uncle is a cop in the town and she got away with soooo much!

    I'm really feeling for you, I hate it when the evil ones get power to make us miserable. Can you move???
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that I didn't read your signature correctly. Yes it is a bit much to resume medications because of her presence. on the other hand it is possible, I hope, that she will move on soon and if you can cope with her employment for awhile everything could resolve itself before long. You are not in a win/win situation for sure and I truly am sorry about that.

    With your more detailed explanation of the consequences she didn't have to pay...I just think you'd be shooting yourself in the foot even trying to get her away from your workplace. Perhaps it is even possible that she might move on just because she will be fearful that you might share her past. Complex and uncomfortable situation for sure. DDD
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh my word. How is it just when we breathe for a second someone pollutes the air! I wish I could pump you with something to actually work with her, be in her face, turn the tables .......
    This just stinks
  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TeDo... you don't have to bring up HER background to do this: there is a "personal" issue between you, and you're wondering if the manager could set up the schuedule so you don't share shifts?
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You do NOT have to tell them that she abused your child. You can simply let the mgr know that she was put on probation for sexually abusing small children a few years ago and that as the store caters to families the clientele will likely have a FIT if they find out about her. Non-existent record or not, there is NO way for the woman to defend herself from this with-o revealing that yes, she did take the plea and there was evidence against her.

    Or go to a public computer in another town, use a different name, get a fb account and email and send the store an email. HEck, pm me the details and I can write an email to the mgr that would have them quaking in their shoes to keep her there. It isn't about legal penalties, it is about public perception and what the public would think if they knew their children were exposed to a sex offender who perpetrated on young children every time they went to the grocery. Even in a small town with only one grocery the store cannot afford that. It is awful for the store if this is discovered. And the non existent record means that they cannot get your children's names from anyone but her - and doing that? I would totally sue her over. Revictimizing them is what I would call it and I would bring a civil suit against her and anyone who employed her to get lots of $$$$ unless they fired her.

    I am quite good with business complaints and helping stores to see how something is not in their interest. Feel free to contact me via pm if you want help.
  15. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TeDo, I am so sorry you have to deal with this, it's ripping open an old wound, geez. I have no advice here, I don't know what the right thing to do is. However, since you are the person on the side of 'right', whatever you do, act boldly out of that. You have a whole board here who are behind you 100% no matter which way you turn, we've got your back. Tender hugs coming your way and warm wishes to guide you to the right decision for you.
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Is MN a right to work state or an At will state? If its an At Will state then you cannot be held to any problems. Good lord someone who they would never tell me who it was, accused me of not wearing underwear and having a small tear in my pants at work and I was hauled in for a thorough search which included me having to strip down to showing both my briefs and bra and showing them that the crotch of my pants didnt have any holes in it and they investigated all the seems down both legs and the rear of my pants. Then I was informed that maybe at my size those types of knit pants just werent very flattering to me even though they were allowed in the dress code. Although I was crying and upset I did ask if they were going to give me a clothing allowance to buy a new business wardrobe because my measly pay wasnt going to allow me to buy that sort of wardrobe.

    I know here the application forms ask if you have ever been arrested except minor traffic violations. Then they leave a blank to explain. It doesnt say convicted. Just arrested. Now I will be honest and say I dont say yes because my arrest was in VA and so many years ago I dont think they will actually find it unless they really go searching for it. I was arrested in 81 for arson but the case was dismissed for no evidence. I had a trigger happy commonwealth attorney in that case. If she actually listened to me and asked the neighbors before arresting me, I wouldnt have been arrested and she would have solved a huge arson ring in Richmond that year.

    I wouldnt let this die. if you know your manager and feel comfortable talking to them, talk. Now if this is a big chain like walmart then maybe I wouldnt but if its a local chain where your managers tend to get to know staff pretty well, then I would talk to her.
  17. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Thanks ladies. It hoovers. She was in the break room when I had my break tonight. I took my food around the store to the back to eat at the picnic table. How sad is that? Yes, I know it's my choice to avoid her to that extent but every time I see her, these visions of her doing the nasty things she did to my babies start playing and I feel like puking.

    Janet, it's a small mom and pop place (well, pop anyway....no chain). Minnesota is an at will state. Reading your post made me start thinking that I don't remember the application even asking about legal trouble of any kind. I know most apps I've filled out have asked if you've ever been convicted of a felony AND have you ever been convicted of a crime not including traffic violations. I don't remember this app asking anything at all. I will have to check into that.

    As for what to do, I really haven't made up my mind yet. I know she has a right to work where she likes but I feel I have the right to work in a "safe" environment and I don't feel "safe" there now that she's back. I dread going to work and it's not the job or the people I work with. It's a person that ruined my life 10 years ago by doing the 2nd worst thing (second to murder) I can think of to my children. That is where difficult child 1's PTSD stems from according to all the psychiatrists and the neuropsychologist. There are still residual effects even though neither of my kids even remembers it and have never been told about it. My family and I agreed that they would be better off if they forgot all about it and they seem to have.
  18. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

  19. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    You shouldn't have to fear going to work. I'm so sorry....Tell the owner the entire truth. It may make you feel better.