Daughter texted

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by strangeworld, Sep 30, 2017.

  1. strangeworld

    strangeworld Member

    I saw my daughter yesterday morning walking through town with some druggie looking guy (sorry for the judgy reference). She had her backpack and sleeping bag on her back. She wasn't coming from the direction of the park at least. But heading toward it. After crying and praying (two more new daily hobbies) while I drove home to have an empty, unproductive day, my husband and I decided to go out for the evening. Dinner then local casino we enjoy playing penny slots and listening to music...oh well not the healthiest thing but neither of us have issues w overspending. Trying to enjoy being out and decompressing....my daughter texts me. "Just wanted to say hi and see how you are doing"..."fine how are you doing" I ask. She said her stomach hurt from a medication she takes (for horrible psoriasis). I said I hope she feels better and that was that. I just feel so sad for her. I want to bring her home and tuck her in. Haven't seen her since Mon when I took her to town. I know enabling comes in many forms and I know I am going to slip up. I am sick of beating myself up for allowing her back home once in a while. This is so hard. I want my spirit back. Nothing interests me....nothing excites me. If she decided to get better and be productive that would probably excite me. How pathetic....to be so codependent in someone else's life path. I need to find again myself and do things for me.
     
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  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    You are not alone. Be kind to yourself. We do what our hearts can endure on the hell battle of addiction.
     
  3. strangeworld

    strangeworld Member

    Thank you. I am trying but I feel defective most of the time - like I'm trying to be an adult (at 48) but still don't know what I'm doing. My emotions take over all the time. I didn't realize how much of my mental and emotional well being has been codependent on others emotional well being. Need to stop that because we all have a right to our own path. My daughter has a right to her path of destruction and I have a right to my path of recovery - and visa versa. It shouldn't suck the life out of us to see someone learning their hard lessons but love gets blurred with control and codependency. I need to separate myself and my feelings but I feel like I'm abandoning her if I am happy and she's sad. Same with anyone I love. It seems normal to an extent - I think we are all codependent in our emotional lives. Who doesn't feel sad when someone we love is hurting? It's when it becomes an overpowering depression that there is a problem - at least for me.
     
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  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You have a wonderful heart and love your daughter unconditionally. That doesnt mean her choices are linked to you or that you should feel guilty about or not able to have a good life even if right now she chooses not to.

    Do you see a therapist?
     
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    to choose for yourself, to feel respite and support and diversion is not to choose against her.

    rather, it is to sustain yourself in the most trying times. you do that not only for yourself but for her , your husband and the other people who love you.

    i know how hard this is.
     
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  6. strangeworld

    strangeworld Member

    Thanks all. I have not been to a therapist for months. It didn't do much long-term good. I am trying to get to alanon twice a week. The more I go to therapy and alanon the more energy and focus I'm giving this whole ordeal. I just hate therapy sonetimes..in the middle of a sentence and she's looking at her watch...and the huge cost. Therapy feels nice temporarily. But it wears off. I guess if my insurance paid for it I might get right back in...and stay there for ever. But I have a hard time forking out 500 bucks/month (even if I can afford it). It just feels like too much effort right now also. I know I should go...try another therapist. At this point maybe psychiatrist.
     
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Hi

    I don't think psychiatrists really "talk" to you; they are more about prescribing drugs; if that's what you need.

    Perhaps a psychologist would be better than a social worker/therapist for you? Have you tried that route?