Difficult visit yesterday...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ksm, Aug 21, 2017.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Yesterday we drove almost 4 hours for a two hour visit with Difficult Child in her 28 day rehab. The first visit was good, the second was so so. Yesterday was not good.

    First, as the kids walked in, she didn't look around for us, but went to the opposite side of room, husband called her name, then she said, I got to see my friends little brother (about two years old) first.

    Ok. Then she came over, no hugs. Wants snacks from vending machine as breakfast and lunch was awful. Hand over $3 for vending machine.

    Ok. Then says she needs time off when she gets home...can't start her alternate school right off the bat. NEEDS time off. I explained that there will be discharge instructions and appointments and I don't know what is planned at this point.

    Then says her dad has plans for some one on one time with her. Maybe she would spend her first few nights with him. I replied that some one on one time with her dad would be nice.

    The whole visit consisted of her trying to manipulate us to get what she wants. She wants to see friends, get her phone, drive the car, etc. I told her those were all good goals to work for. When I brought up some things I would like for us to work on... Like doing some things as a family, her having some responsibilities around the house... She shut down. Then she said "I am going to be here for 28 days, what are you doing??"

    Oh my. I didn't answer as I knew I would break down. I didn't do the crying face, but two tears slid down my cheek. I wiped them off. Then she said "I am not going to sit here if grandma is crying." And left the visitation room. We got up and left and drove the four hours back home. I was devastated.

    About 9:30pm she called us and apologized. She said she was on the verge of tears and didn't want to do that in front of the other teens. She said she had been more depressed than usual. She said she came back but we had left...

    Some positives...on our previous visit, she told us where to find a meth pipe she had made, hidden in a stuffed animal and asked us to destroy it. And destroy the teddy bear...from her Xbf who got her started on meth.

    She also had a copy of a poem about meth that a young woman wrote - before she overdosed and died. It meant a lot to her and she read it out loud to us.

    Half way thru this residential treatment... I hope it gets better.

    Ksm
     
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    This is hard stuff. I am praying for you.
     
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I pray that it gets better as well. 28 days and then what back home? Is sober living an option? I am hopeful for you all.
    I have been through the tough guy act in court with my son. It is truly ugly how they act under Peer pressure. I am glad she phoned and apologized. Stay strong.
     
  4. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    How hard this is and how brave you are in being by her side on this her journey. If only she knew how many times she has broken your hearts and yet you still stand by her. I hope one day she garners the humility to know that you have done everything you could to help her save her life. Hugs and be kind to yourselves.
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I remember my son's first rehab. I was so hopeful and hung on every word he said when we were there. I never thought this would go on and on for as long as it has. I think I'm glad that I did not know. He spent his 16th birthday there. That was devastating to me. He will spend his 22nd birthday this weekend in rehab.

    Stay strong on this journey. Try to put on your shield when you see her or talk to her. I think your staying strong and protecting yourself is the best advice I can give. When they are so young it is so very very hard. I was relieved when my son turned 18 and then 21 because in my mind I kept telling myself he was an adult and responsible now even though only half of me believed it.

    Be kind to yourself. Practice self-compassion.