stop sending difficult child to bio-idiot.(We will call him R). R doesn't think there is anything wrong with difficult child that a good a-- whipping won't cure. He is in denial of her disorders because if he admits them then he has to admit he may also have some, as it comes from his side of the family.(Specifically his father.) R hates his father as there is history of abuse that goes back to grandpa. (That is another longgggggg story). So, needless to say he is not supportive of getting difficult child help. He just thinks I am not disciplining her enough. Now the reasons I think difficult child needs to stop going.(And this is sticky because of ordered visitation, so I would have to have visitation changed). There is history of R being violent toward me,(hence the x part). R also "spanked" difficult child so bad one time he left welts and black and blue marks on her behind and leg.(This was over a disrespectful attitude toward his S.O. caused by a meltdown over a workbook.) He had used a belt, and when we(husband & I) saw the marks we called CPS. They called CPS in other state(R lives in different state). CPS talked to him and I honestly don't know what they said, but so far no other incidents of that.(and yes I check every time difficult child comes home.) Then there was a problem last week of R screaming and yelling at difficult child and easy child -B over the fact that difficult child forgot to pack socks. Good Grief, its only socks. R then proceeded to yell at husband when he picked up the girls. R then called me and told me that I had to make sure difficult child was properly packed. I tried to tell him that with difficult child it is sometimes better to let natural consequences take over.(ie no socks, cold feet.) R then went off about dirty cloths, etc, even though I tried to tell him that water softener was broke and I didn't dare do laundry until fixed due to rust stains getting on cloths.(R has previously had a fit about a tiny rust stain on a pair of jeans.(He is very Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) about everything being clean, even the girls play cloths.) Then there is the fact that he has(and I am pretty sure still does) smoke wacky tobacco. He was convicted of position several years ago. Things just keep piling up to make me think it isn't good for difficult child to go anymore. difficult child doesn't even want to go. She hates R and has been trying to stop going for years, but has never given me good enough reason to go to judge with. I am going to talk to case manager about this, but just wanted input if I was doing the right thing. I have wrestled with this decision for years.