Duckie's anxiety & my mortality

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tiredmommy, May 24, 2007.

  1. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    The poor kid. Her anxiety kicks up whenever her allergies throw her out of whack. Well, now she's worried that I will die. Not now, by a disease or accident. But like her great-grandmother: at 98 years old. :hammer: She's really putting together people's relationships better. Her great grandmother was my grandmother and her grand mother's mother, etc. She says she can't stop thinking that I'm going to die "like Granny did", even though she's knows that would be sixty years from now.
    Ugh. :faint:
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    it's not unusual for all kids, easy child or difficult child, to go through periods, especially at Duckie's age, when they think about death. Both of my children went through those periods. easy child's answer was that she didn't want me to get wrinkled. The translation to that was that if I didn't get old, I wouldn't die. difficult child also went through the fear of me dieing.

    Sometimes it is a death in the family that triggers the "awareness". For other kids, it is just part of the maturing process.

    Hug her and reassure her that you love her and that you will be with her for a long, long time.

  3. Alisonlg

    Alisonlg New Member

    Poor thing. Doesn't want to lose her mommy...not now and not EVER! Not even 60 years from now! You are loved. Bottle that and save it for a rainy day. You'll need it! LOL

    :::hugs::: for Duckie.
  4. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Aww, poor difficult child. (And poor mom.)

    It does seem like one problem allows others to resurface. It's like beating your head against a brick wall sometimes.

  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    They just can't see that far ahead. To them, in 60 years, you will be old like grammy, but they will still be a kid, and then what will they do?

    Hugs to you and Duckie.
  6. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Seems to me that I remember reading this is a normal phase especially when they realize you are a separate entity and not an extension of her.
    My boys went through this and I believe easy child went through it more than once especially at the onset of puberty.

    Poor honey. Hope she starts to feel better soon.
  7. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    TM, I remember when I was about Duckie's age and my out-of-town grandparents were visiting us for the weekend. I ADORED them, especially my grandfather. And one day, out of the blue, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks that they were both going to DIE someday! That had never occurred to me before and I cried for two days straight and then I was OK - nobody could figure out what was wrong with me.

    And when my son was about 12 or 13 the mother of one of his friends died unexpectedly during routine surgery. This boy was not one of my sons closest friends and he hardly knew the mother, but he was extremely upset for days! He felt so sorry for this boy, he'd get upset all over again every time he thought about it. My sons dad was never really there for him, pretty unreliable - never a good relationship with him. And this other boy had no dad at all - only an older married brother that he had to go live with. I think my son got so upset because he was suddenly starting to think about what he would do if something should happen to ME!

    I think it's something that all kids eventually go through - one of those painful parts of growing up that they all have to experience.

  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    This is a fairly normal childhood stage. It shows that Duckie is "getting" the family relationships and is beginning to understand death is a permanent condition.

    It's a tough stage as I recall with mine. I let my kids talk about it, then reassured them and redirected to something else to keep them from dwelling on the subject for too long at a time.

  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone. I just wish the poor kid would cry like a easy child rather get herself so wound up. She's having trouble sleeping & is having nightmares about it.
    This too shall pass.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TM, sorry Duckie is going through this. It stayed with my difficult child for years. If she could not reach me she called everyone in the family looking for me. She memorized their phone#s for just this reason.
    She would literally get herself into tears thinking I was dead. It usually was sparked by watching the news or hearing of some car accident.

    I guess you really can not be sure it is the allergies flaring the anxiety. You will know in time though.

    HUGS to you both!
  11. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Wendy. I try to have her not in the room when the news is on, she just worries too much. The reason I think her allergies play into this is cause & effect: her allergies kick up, so she doesn't sleep well, then the anxiety creeps in. It's actually (if I had to guess) brought on by poor quality sleep.
  12. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    I'm sorry she's having trouble sleeping and worrying so much. Good news is that she totally loves you (so many of our difficult child wish we were gone)

    by the way--are you 38??? If so, I love the math she did to figure out how much longer you will be around--based on grandma's life span :wink:
  13. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    Actually I'm 39, but I've been getting her used to rounding numbers, she'll be covering that next year in school. So 59 means 60 in this case...