Enlightening appointment with difficult child's therapist - new diagnosis

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterby, Jul 8, 2009.

  1. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    And I have to say, I'm not at all surprised about it.

    Let me start off by saying that I had therapist pegged all wrong. That's what I get for ruminating when I'm not in the best of moods.

    therapist had me come into that session because she wanted to see how difficult child interacts with me.

    So, she thinks difficult child has Borderline (BPD). And I have to agree. I've seen it coming. I've seen strong characteristics since she was 7. I think I always knew it was going to be diagnosis'd. She's kind of young for the diagnosis, but it is soooo blatant. But, it's a different thing to hear it from a professional than it is to have it in the back of your mind.

    I asked her if she's too young for DBT and she said no, but we didn't get any further into that.

    therapist asked me a lot of questions - history - and then asked me questions from...actually, she was reading from The Bipolar Child. Anyway, she thinks difficult child is bipolar as well. I don't really agree with that. I think it's depression mixed with Borderline (BPD) that gives the look of bipolar.

    However, I need to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. She recommended one. I told her I wanted to start with Lamictal. She said that it's a powerful drug. I told her that I was aware, however it has a better side effect profile than other mood stabilizers and works better on the depressive end, and she agreed. Plus, I take it and tolerate it and we need to look at genetics. She was impressed by my knowledge of the various disorders and medications. As you all know, when you've walked in our shoes it's just a given.

    I don't know if I can get difficult child to take the medications, though. That will be the hard part. therapist said she's going to approach it by talking about preparing to return to regular school next year and her anxiety. We're not talking to her about the diagnosis's yet. difficult child will flat out refuse it and will most likely refuse therapy at that point.

    She wants to see me alone again after she sees difficult child the next time.

    So, therapist had/has difficult child pegged. difficult child wasn't fooling her or manipulating her a bit.

    I also gave her the name of the board for parents of other children she sees. She was impressed by what I told her and wrote the name down.

    So, that's that. I'm kind of numb, drained, sad, tired....just a mixture of emotions.

    Oh, and apparently therapist had told difficult child that she wants to meet with me alone. difficult child conveniently left that out. I told therapist that I didn't tell difficult child I was coming because difficult child would see it as a betrayal.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well how interesting.

    Makes one go hmmmm.
  3. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Why does it make you go hmmmm? Did you see it coming?
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    AWESOME!!! NOT that difficult child is Borderline (BPD), or even maybe bipolar. But awesome the therapist wasn't snowed by difficult child, and that the therapist really seems to see the situation for what it is.

    I wish it were different. You can only do what you can do.

    If difficult child is oging to continue to be a sad angry person, I think getting her back into school is probably in everyone's best interest. At least for a try.

    It would give you a break from "Miss I am Angry and It is ALL Your Fault" difficult child. THis is crucial for YOUR health and sanity, in my opinion. It does difficult child no good at all, and a great deal of harm, in my opinion, if your sanity and health are wrecked. She NEEDS you to help her. And parent her. It is going to be rough.

    I am SO glad that the therapist sees through difficult child, and really gets the situation. She sounds like a good catch from the sea of therapists we blindly fish in.

    Sorry about the Borderline (BPD) diagnosis, it is a shame she has to live with that challenge too.
  5. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    therapist said that difficult child still has the umbilical cord attached (believe me, I've been trying to cut it for years) and that she's using it to jerk me around. She also said that difficult child is highly critical and it's always aimed at me. She said that there is nothing I could do; that it would never be enough. It would be too little, too late, too this, not enough that.

    I've been saying that for years. It felt really good to hear that from someone else.
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Well, I am glad therapist worked out. I am pretty good at making things worse than they are too. Borderline (BPD) and BiPolar (BP) can be difficult to tease apart.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Can I just say that YOUR particular knowledge on such things is not a given. I think you are very well read. It's nice to be acknowledged by a professional. Kudos to you for sticking to your guns!

    I think when parents like us go in armed with our knowledge base it tends to put counselors & doctors on a bit of a defensive. You did a very good job defusing the situation and making her understand where you were coming from and how you know what you knew. Bravo Warrior Mom.
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    While I'm glad you got a diagnosis for difficult child I have to tell you I'm nervous that you've handed out the board address to a therapist. I hesitate to mention this to anyone working with my children as I don't want to worry about my or the tweedles privacy.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm glad you got to have this visit and now are more comfortable with the therapist- and the validation and diagnosis that you are comfortable with are added bonuses.

    I have been asked by tdocs before what the board address was. I would not give it out and asked difficult child not to give it out. I was not so sure that I would always be comfortable with the therapist or that I wanted the therapist reading every vent and concern I had. Just something to keep in the back of your mind...
  10. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I'm a private enough person that I don't share on the board what I don't share in real life. So, personally I'm not worried about that.
  11. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Validation is wonderful!
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My therapist knows this board address. She actually came here to read the posts that you all wrote to me when I was sick.

    The only other times I have given out this address is when I have seen parents in say doctors waiting rooms and I didnt know them from Adam's house cat but they looked like they could use a soft place to land. They wouldnt recognize me on the board and I wouldnt recognize them if they came on. I dont have kids in waiting rooms anymore...lol.
  13. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yes, I have begun to express this to my difficult child. 'I will never make you happy. Nothing I do is ever enough. Good thing that your own happiness is really up to you and not me.'