Everyone around me is crumbling. Give me strength!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by elizabrary, Nov 18, 2018.

  1. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    So I posted recently about my daughter's relapse, which is ongoing. However, this past week was apparently created to test my strength. First, my parents who live about 2 hours away and are elderly- my dad has early stage dementia and my mom is visually impaired- decided my dad could drop my mom off to get a manicure and she could draw him a map and he would find his way back. Wrong- he got lost, so she started walking. She made it 3 miles, then tripped on a median, smashed her face in and broke off her front teeth. Fortunately a kindly young woman helped her, got a hold of my dad and took my mom for medical treatment and back home.

    I have a foster son who I got when he was 13. He had a very difficult childhood and as an adult has been in and out of my life to varying degrees. He moved back to my town a few years ago. He has 4 kids. His wife was driving the car about 6 years ago and crashed and their 5 year old child died. His wife has not been mentally or physically right since. My son is an alcoholic. I got a call at work on Friday that he was in the ER, so off I went. He had a seizure and smashed his head into the wall at his house. A few months ago he was driving and had a seizure and totaled his car and I can't believe he wasn't killed. His blood alcohol was over .2 this time. He's supposed to take seizure medications twice a day and see a neurologist, which I doubt he will do. He told me he will go to medical detox, but I doubt he will follow through. He's 35 with impaired liver function and horrific eczema that won't clear up because of the huge amount of alcohol he consumes. He stays drunk all the time, while my daughter is a binge drinker. Good lord, I couldn't have a breakdown if I wanted to because I have to be the calm in the eye of the storm.

    Send me positive energy, good vibes, prayers, great juju, anything you can spare to get me through this mess.
  2. Tired out

    Tired out Active Member

    WOW. You have a had a lot going on.
    Hugs sent. Prayers said for your son's recovery and submission to getting help. Your poor mom, just what she needed , a face plant and broken teeth. Thank goodness someone helped her. Is there someone who lives near her, a church friend maybe? that you could make arrangements with to go have get a manicure 1x/month (or whatever her time frame is) With all that is going on with your mom maybe, her nails are just a little thing that help he feel some semblance of normal and control. That is my thought because when my mom was deathly ill from chemotherapy I still did her nails every Saturday, it was her little piece of normal. That was important to her, I don't think it was really about the nails.
  3. Smithmom

    Smithmom Active Member

    Prayers for you, your parents and kids.
  4. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Eliza, my heart goes out to you. Big hugs and prayers for things to get better soon. I know exactly what it feels like to be the last one standing when everyone else seems to be falling apart around you - when you want to fall apart, too, but you can't because there is no one left to put you back together if you do.

    What are you doing to take care of yourself during all of this? And as Tired suggests, do you have others you can lean on to pick up some of the care for parents at least while you get through these other crises? What things can you do that will help you maintain your resiliency right now? Spend some time with friends? Carve out a little solitude and pampering?
  5. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    I've been making sure to get out daily and walk in nature with my dogs. Twice a day if I'm off work, as it maintains the little sanity I have left. I will see friends for the holiday, and my granddaughter as well, so that will help me too. My sleep is a mess, but fortunately I have a really good book I'm reading. My brother lives about an hour from my parents, but is in China for work. I'm looking into possibly a service that will visit their home and take them on errands. I know my mom needs to get out of the house now and then. I'll let you know about my son. I'm sure I'll talk to him in the next day or two. Sometimes I'm literally hanging on minute by minute. But I'm hanging on, and that's what counts! o_O
  6. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    That all sounds great. I hope you're able to find a good service to help your parents! Are they part of a church that might have volunteers who could help also? Or do wellness checks?

    What's the book? I could use one to take my mind off things, too!

    I'm glad you're hanging on. Vent here whenever you need to. We're pulling for you!
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    All I can do is send you prayers. That is too much for anyone to handle.

    I do hope that you continue to take care of yourself and put it in God's hands because he is the only being that can fix everything. But he does it in his own time and in his own way.
  8. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Oh, the book is Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel. It's the story of Henry the 8th told from Thomas Cromwell's perspective. I thought it might be boring, but it's fantastic! Any time you need book suggestions hit me up. I'm a librarian, so I always have something to suggest.
  9. Elsi

    Elsi Active Member

    Oh I’ve read it! I loved that one. And the sequel. We should start a book thread in water cooler. I just read The Book of Strange New Things.

    Didn’t they make a miniseries of Wolf Hall?
  10. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    Didn’t they make a miniseries of Wolf Hall?[/QUOTE]

    They did. It was good but the humor in the book didn't translate. There's supposed to be a 3rd one out, but I don't know when.
  11. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    You poor woman. So much on your plate.

    But you will get sick from stress if you take it all on your own shoulders. None of that is your fault or solely your responsibility. There is nothibg you can do for your kids or daughter in law as you know. Maybe you can guide your parents toward assisted living . Do you have siblings? POA?

    Mostly you need to find time to care for yourself so that you donot get sick. Have you ever tried therapy? AlAnon to get real rime support? Do you have a spouse, kind family and friends, hobbies, and maybe a church group? You need to relax from all this. You can not be healtby for anyone else or yourself if you take on too much responsibility. I have found therapy very helpful when overwhelmed. You can be taught coping skills

    Love and light to you and yours!
  12. elizabrary

    elizabrary Active Member

    I have been steering my parents towards assisted living, but they aren't ready yet. I emailed my mom and suggested having someone come to their house once or twice a week to help with household chores and drive them places, but she said they aren't interested. I mentioned to her on the phone yesterday that it's a good idea to develop a plan before tragedy strikes and then we will have to deal with figuring out the living situation along with whatever issue has befallen them. I think they're in denial about how bad the situation really is. There's not much else I can do, and I realize that. The good news is they have plenty of money to deal with things in whatever way as time goes on. So that's not a worry.

    I have a few close friends who I share this stuff with. One of them is dealing with similar issues, so that's nice because people who don't have troubled adult children don't get it. My dogs literally save my life on a daily basis. They provide me with so much love and comfort and force me to get out into nature and walk and just breathe. I know that my dogs' behavior reflects my energy, so I try very hard to be calm and peaceful with them. They really bring balance to my life. And I'm re-watching Parks and Recreation, which makes me laugh.
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  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am hoping for a positive turn of events for you. Be kind to yourself.