Family Estate Wars

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Littleboylost, Sep 16, 2017.

  1. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am very exhausted and sad over the behaviour of my brother who is a coexecutor to my Mother's estate with me

    The will and estate is very simple it is a small amount of cash to be devided up amongst 8 beneficiaries.

    My brother insists on creating problems where there are none and I have tried to be patient and supportive while attempting to progress things forward.

    Family relations are strained from past incidence and similar behavior from my brother. I I am facing the same behavioral issues from my brother. None of my siblings will speak to my brother.

    This has left me to be the liaison of communication to the family. Any requests for information from my sisters who were past POAs for my mother have been met to the best of there abilities. My brother is insistent that they were misappropriating funds and lays many suspcions and claims of such behavior to other family members as well.

    A bit of back story. My sister was taking advantage of my father before his death. She was placed under a court order to cease all actions and activities with my Father and his funds. Befor an investigation could proceed my father passed away. One other brother was found to be forging cheques as well. This brother is not a beneficiary of my mother. All of these issues were managed and considered closed out with my father's estate. Bar the ongoing investigation against my sister.

    My sister is being investigated for elder abuse. During the course of these proceedings my brother became aggressive and acusatory and inappropriate to many family members. It caused such strife that the family estate lawyer refused to represent my mother's estate moving forward.

    My sisters acting as POAs for my mother did a great job caring for my mother and selling the family home and simplifying the estate. My brother is determine to find fault with all that they have done where there is none. His rantings became unbearable and he then started making acusations towards me and acting in a manner that was delaying the process.

    There is a lot of family discourse and past history that makes any unified decision difficult. I had to approach my family and explain the course of events that had transpired. I expressed I was not only concerned for the timely processing of the estate, but was also concerned for my brothers MH and state of mind. He had sent numerous inappropriate messages out and told the estate lawyer to cease all activity on the estate.

    I had no other course of action than to suggest we petition to remove him from the estate as coexecutor. The family agreed unanimously which is very rare.

    I had to inform the estate lawyer and as per rule of law they are not able to represent me with the family , or my brother. I am now in the process of seeking out a new law firm, yet again.

    I have sent a notice to my brother and at least his rantings and accusations have ceased. They were non stop multiple e mails texts and phone calls. He was furious that I would not support his claims of wrong doing by other family members. He saw his position as executor and a position of power and not of duty. I simply couldn't take any more.

    Clearly he is not pleased with this turn of events. He has indicated he is retaining counsel. I am going to have to see if he is liable for the cost of his counsel or whether he will have to pay those costs himself.

    No other family member wishes to be coexecutor with me (no surprise). They are happy if I take care of things myself.

    If I am successful in removing my brother as coexecutor I will still have to contend with him as bennificary to the estate.

    Because of the past issues we need to clear the accounts and have the will pass probate. So all in all once that process occurs and there are no issues regarding the validity of the will. It is a matter of clearing debt and paying out what is left equally to the 8 beneficiaries.

    I have to carry on to finalize my mother's terminal taxes. Pass the accounts and pass the will through probate. Sigh a huge Pile of work.

    After all of this grief another brother contacted me to indicate that my coexecutor brother had been hospitozed some time ago and was diagnosed with a mental illness. He has since refused to take medication for this issue. Knowing this makes me understand the inappropriate behavior more clearly now.

    This too shall pass, but really why me!

    My sister indicated to me that my mother had insisted that she no longer wanted my brother as executor to her will. They felt she did not have capacity due to her alszheimers so do not act upon this change. They felt all of the issues had been managed and contained with my father death and estate. They truest never felt my brother would continue on as he has.

    Just a vent and a rant. As if I didn't have enough to deal with already.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This is so sad. I hate hearing about family trying to cheat one another out a loved ones last request for her family. Even more appalling, how some people try to take advantage of ill elderly relatives before they die.. to get them to change the will in their favor. My siblings and I have had our differences at times and my mother and I had problems, but never did we ever try to cheat one another or influence an elderly parent. My mom left md nothing. So be it. That was her wish and it was her money.

    I feel this money grabbing is an evil deed at the very soul level. I am so sorry, LBL. What a hard responsibility. Some people grow ugly about money. Beyond ugly. Pathetic. Mean. Vile. They forvet what really matters in life. Its NOT money.

    We have newly written our will, as before my beloved father passed, we really had nothing to leave anyone. We are not naming an executor. We are letting our lawyer do the work. I see what my poor brother is going through now as executor...and this is with no problems from any of us...and I dont want any of my kids to have to deal with this.

    LBL, you have my deepest empathy. I am so very sorry.
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2017
  3. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    If he was hospitalized for mental illness and refuses to take his medications, I would inform the lawyer immediately. He is greedy and unhinged. The lawyer might get a court order for him to be mentally evaluated and remove him as executor. I know you don't want to go through all that, but I think it might put him in his place.
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am sorry. We had a hard story too. I do not think at root it is about money. Money is but the vehicle.

    Mental illness is rendering him incapacitated. Everything will feed into, be filtered through this impairment.
  5. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Yes, they do. My mother still has me listed as her executor. I keep trying to get her to give it to my brother instead. Being an executor is horrible.
  6. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    We are doing exactly that, and yes it is unfortunate. More work for me. It is what it is.
  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I tired too. It truly does suck.
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I dread this very scenario when my mother passes. My older brother is going to be horrible. He has already started his campaign to get her to alter her will. She left everything to my nephew. I am fine with this. It is her money/property to do with as she pleases.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so very sorry. Please get a lawyer fast and let them know your brother is mentally ill and not taking his medication. Have them petition the court before your brother can do something funky with the assets. He may see them as his and anyone doing anything with them as stealing them from him. You are likely to be dealing with quite a mess when you get them back. I hope you are not.
  10. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    The only assets left are monitary. I am grateful for this. They are secured. Any paperwork my Brothee had will have to be court ordered to retieve from him, if we are successful in removing him as co executor. My sister made a comprehensive list of all of the files provided. This is good as I know exactly what he has.
    I am calling a law firm this morning.
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Wishing you the best of luck, LBL. Hope everything goes smoothly.
  12. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    So sorry you are having to deal with all of that. I will never understand why a death in the family brings out the worst in some people whether it's being greedy or wanting to control everything.

    Your other siblings are lucky to have you. Hang in there!!
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  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Consulting with a lawyer tomorrow. Wish me luck.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad there are records of all of the paperwork, etc... Wishing you the best of luck tomorrow.
  15. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

  16. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Hope that you can remedy this situation. Too much stress going on for you!!

    Take care of you too in the midst of all this lady!
  17. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Met a Sr Partner at the law firm today. He was such a nice person and so very helpful. Was very Balance and objective. But was clear they there is precedent in law which supports a sting case for me to move forward with handing my brother removed as coexecutor of the estate. But what a pain in the but.
    He didn't even charge me the $350 consult fee.
    I told him I knew I had no legal obligation to do ISS the action plan with my siblings, but I felt I had a moral obligation. They all agree to move forward.
    So it shall begin.

    All hands meeting tomorrow morning re DS and plan moving forward.
  18. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Hang in there!! You will get through this. Sending you positive energy and lots of hugs!!!
  19. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Well although I could forge ahead and start the legal process of having my brother removed with no agreement legally needed from vested beneficiaries ; I felt a moral obligation to discuss and gain there opinion.
    1/8 is brother in question 2 of 8 is myself. 4/8 have given their blessing to move forward. 1/2 is a sister under investigation for elder abuse with my dad. 1/8 is my brother who is not well and does not want to be involved in this mess either way.

    This breaks down to co executor brother having zero support. And 4/6 in support of his removal and 2/6 with no opinion and certainly no support for my brother.

    There is also strong precedent in rule of law to support the case of having him removed.

    We will start with requesting he sign revocation. We have agreed to offer him monitary compensation to go away.
    If he declines we will move the matter to the courts and if we get him removed and he chooses to fight we will also ask the courts to make him cover his own legal costs.

    The saga continues.
  20. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I totally get the sister not getting anything as that was in your mother's will -- the one brother who is "not well" should be getting his share for his beneficiaries as that was your mother's wish (should he not want the money or have any spouse or children, he can just donate his 100% share to charity or break it up between the 6 of you left to inherit) and the brother that is/was coexecutor should get his fair share. Just because he is not mentally capable of handling the estate, doesn't mean he should be taken out of the will as a beneficiary. I agree asking the court to disallow him from requesting money from the estate to pay his legal fees win or loss.

    You can certainly fight to have him removed but you cannot change the bequeathes of your mom. That's pretty cut and dry legally.

    So sorry that you have to be going through this. Often a death in the family breaks said family apart; again, sad.