stressedmama
Active Member
I've been waking up every morning lately feeling very stressed. Every little thing is getting on my nerves. Stuff that normally wouldn't even hit my radar. The combination of the regular stresses of the holidays, combined with taking care of our 3 yr old GS full time, working full time, figuring out who will be around for Christmas Eve/Christmas Day (PCs splitting time with Ex and I), etc.
Add to that, husband is still in his own little world when it comes to difficult child. I have to give him credit that he's not the enabler he used to be, but he's not over it yet and I don't know how to handle it. He's a very private person and doesn't like having our family business out there for everyone to know. He has NO CLUE about this forum and I will keep it that way as it's my only outlet to get a true objective opinion and to learn from those who have been there, done that.
We had an argument the other day about difficult child (the only topic we ever argue about) wherein he pointed out to me that while she was in the midst of her addiction, I was always there for her to support her emotionally and financially. Now that she's got 90+ days clean, he says I've abandoned her. Now that she's doing the right things, I'm not there to support her at all. I don't treat her like family. He's right. I love her. I don't like her.
After all she did, all she put us through, and what we continue to go through in taking care of her son, etc., she still shows (me) absolutely no gratitude. I text her, she doesn't text me back half the time. I made a card for her and had GS pick out pictures of him and sent it to her. She thanked husband and GS. I never heard a word, not even a text. She has always treated me as if I was in her way. I was there to do whatever she needed me to do and has never reciprocated. Just the step-mom, an intruder in her and her dad's lives.
I've barely had any contact with her since that dreadful night when everything hit the fan. When her drug abuse was finally recognized by husband, when she flipped out, attacked me, terrified GS and made it very clear that I am not her family. I don't know how to move on from that. I know I would like to just write her off, never to hear from her again at this point. But I can't do that as husband is nowhere near where I am. And never will be.
difficult child was giving him the sob story the other day about having no money after she pays her rent and bills, which she has to split between she and the other residents of the house. The rent is only $250/month. She told husband she hadn't gotten the first utility bill for this new recovery house yet, but she said it would probably be about $125-150/month (lies!!) There are 7 people in that house and the utilities could never be that high per person. It's just another manipulative way of getting husband to feel sorry for her. She's been working since the week of Thanksgiving and as far as I know has little to nothing in her bank account. I don't feel bad for her. She blows money as soon as she gets it and never has anything to show for it. Her manipulation worked on him...
We were planning on giving easy child 2 a couple small gifts for Christmas and the rest in money for daycare. He actually said something about giving difficult child money for Christmas as well. WHAT?!! He said, "What? Do you think she'll use it to buy drugs?" At this point, probably not as she seems pretty committed to her sobriety, but I don't want to give her cash, anyway. Ironically, when she was talking about her bills with husband, she said to him she knew no one would be giving her cash for Christmas this year after everything that happened. She conned a lot of people out of a lot money over the years to support her habit. She gave him the free pass (with a little manipulation on the side) and he still wants to give her money! It is unbelievable to me.
I know this is a long post and everything just seems to spilling out all at once today. I just needed to get it all out and hear from sane people to maybe (maybe not) validate my feelings on all this.
Add to that, husband is still in his own little world when it comes to difficult child. I have to give him credit that he's not the enabler he used to be, but he's not over it yet and I don't know how to handle it. He's a very private person and doesn't like having our family business out there for everyone to know. He has NO CLUE about this forum and I will keep it that way as it's my only outlet to get a true objective opinion and to learn from those who have been there, done that.
We had an argument the other day about difficult child (the only topic we ever argue about) wherein he pointed out to me that while she was in the midst of her addiction, I was always there for her to support her emotionally and financially. Now that she's got 90+ days clean, he says I've abandoned her. Now that she's doing the right things, I'm not there to support her at all. I don't treat her like family. He's right. I love her. I don't like her.
After all she did, all she put us through, and what we continue to go through in taking care of her son, etc., she still shows (me) absolutely no gratitude. I text her, she doesn't text me back half the time. I made a card for her and had GS pick out pictures of him and sent it to her. She thanked husband and GS. I never heard a word, not even a text. She has always treated me as if I was in her way. I was there to do whatever she needed me to do and has never reciprocated. Just the step-mom, an intruder in her and her dad's lives.
I've barely had any contact with her since that dreadful night when everything hit the fan. When her drug abuse was finally recognized by husband, when she flipped out, attacked me, terrified GS and made it very clear that I am not her family. I don't know how to move on from that. I know I would like to just write her off, never to hear from her again at this point. But I can't do that as husband is nowhere near where I am. And never will be.
difficult child was giving him the sob story the other day about having no money after she pays her rent and bills, which she has to split between she and the other residents of the house. The rent is only $250/month. She told husband she hadn't gotten the first utility bill for this new recovery house yet, but she said it would probably be about $125-150/month (lies!!) There are 7 people in that house and the utilities could never be that high per person. It's just another manipulative way of getting husband to feel sorry for her. She's been working since the week of Thanksgiving and as far as I know has little to nothing in her bank account. I don't feel bad for her. She blows money as soon as she gets it and never has anything to show for it. Her manipulation worked on him...
We were planning on giving easy child 2 a couple small gifts for Christmas and the rest in money for daycare. He actually said something about giving difficult child money for Christmas as well. WHAT?!! He said, "What? Do you think she'll use it to buy drugs?" At this point, probably not as she seems pretty committed to her sobriety, but I don't want to give her cash, anyway. Ironically, when she was talking about her bills with husband, she said to him she knew no one would be giving her cash for Christmas this year after everything that happened. She conned a lot of people out of a lot money over the years to support her habit. She gave him the free pass (with a little manipulation on the side) and he still wants to give her money! It is unbelievable to me.
I know this is a long post and everything just seems to spilling out all at once today. I just needed to get it all out and hear from sane people to maybe (maybe not) validate my feelings on all this.