HI Tammie, so glad that you posted your own thread. Your title says it all...."Feeling Guilty for son's continued behavior". Somehow, in the mess of all of this, we parents end up with this huge emotional burden of our d cs
consequences. Why should you feel guilty, over the choices he makes? It is not your life, your choices. You did not raise your son, or I, my daughters, to become adults and be drug and alcohol addicted. Oh, I can't even count how many times my two have blamed their hellish descent on me, my parenting mistakes (I am only human, yes I made plenty mistakes) and thrown me into a boiling volcanic pool of burning guilt.
That is designed to keep us right where they want us, at their beck and call for every drama ridden consequence they suffer for their choices.
Unacceptable.
I wouldn't bail my d cs out, either. In fact, sometimes I wish they would go to jail. Three square meals, a roof over their head and plenty of time to think about their life.
Always being there, and it doesn't help. They learn to rely heavily on us, while kicking us at the same time.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
Yes, you do need to start thinking of you, and your other responsibilities. It is what we wish our d cs would do, lay off the partying, and take care of themselves.
Lead by example.
Good article for you to read
http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD
Me, too, I have to keep reading this.
It takes work and effort to change our mindset, to carry on and be strong while our d cs are off on their own journey. How often my twos lifestyles and choices have prevented me from
really living.
It is unacceptable that their choices and consequences prevent me from enjoying my life, my well children and grands.
Well, Tammie, you are on the way to discovering a new way of being. Recognizing there is a problem is the first step. Take little steps to caring for yourself and shifting your focus.
You are a battle weary warrior and need some time to replenish yourself.
It is not impossible, you can do it.
YOU matter, your life matters.
There is a life aside from all of the chaos and drama and "rescuing".
We just have to want it, to work at it, to learn to live it, despite what our d cs are doing.
It does nothing for them,
if we go down with their disasters.
Your son is young, he can learn, but not if you are always there to bail him out.
Standing aside and letting him learn from his choices is not an easy thing to do, but it is the best thing for him, and in the long run, for you.
You got this Tammie.
Take back your life.
(((HUGS)))
Leafy