Actually, he is right. This IS the way you treat your son. The son you love more than life. The son you want to finally grow up and fly right. You want him to have to start living with the consequences of his choices and his addiction, so you stopped enabling him. It just might have saved his life.
So to answer him, YES. This IS the way you treat your son. Is that how he treats his parents?? To manipulate and abuse them? I can pretty much guarantee he didn't contribute to the household, or tell the truth, or honor his father and mother. So is that how he treats his parents? Those questions go both ways.
By making him move out, you are making him unhappy and uncomfortable. He is trying to use guilt and manipulation to get you to continue to enable him. Don't fall for it. Let him continue to be unhappy and uncomfortable. It is the ONLY way that he has a chance to become clean and sober. He has to get so sick and tired of the drug life that he wants to change. Not to talk about wanting to change, but to really want to change. It will mean that no one can give him much support, which is super hard.
Make sure you have support to see you through this. Go to AlAnon Family Groups or NarcAnon Family Groups and also give a private therapist a try. Look for one who specializes in substance abuse or addiction issues and/or codependency. Some people find one or the other is most helpful, some find that both AlAnon/NarcAnon and private therapy are what they need. Just be sure you have all the support you have as you walk this difficult path. Be sure to keep reading and posting here also. We have been there and we truly understand. No one will judge you here. If you are not ready to take advice given here, that is okay. No one expects you to take it all at once, or even a little at a time.
Keep a close eye on your health during this time. This places a huge amount of stress on you, which can cause real health problems. You were feeling like you were having a heart attack and were sick to your stomach yesterday evening. Did you get that checked out? While it could just be stressed, those symptoms are nothing to play around with or ignore. Please get checked out by your doctor very soon if you didn't go see a doctor last night. In the future, please go see a doctor or call 911 at the first sign of a heart attack or any other signs of major health problems. Your son will need you during his battle with addiction. So will the rest of your family.
It really is true that we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. We have all heard that in airplanes they tell you to put your oxygen mask on and then to put your child's oxygen mask on. This is because if your child passes out but you don't, you can move your child and put his mask on for him. But if you pass out, your child cannot move you and put your mask on for you. The ordeal of addiction is much like this. You have to take care of your health first. If you get so worn down that your body gives out, your addicted son will also be so worn down that he won't be able to take care of you. You have to be strong enough to take the needed steps to keep your son where he needs to be (out of your house, for one thing! and out of your bank account for another!). If you get sick and he has to try to care for you, he will be in your house and in your bank accounts, etclll
Please go to the Emergency Room or call 911 if you feel you are having a heart attack. Just because you have a stressful situation going on, doesn't mean you are not having a heart attack. It is MUCH better to go get checked out and find out you did not have a heart attack than to tough it out and later find out that part of your heart is damaged because you thought it was just stress.