Hi friends. It's been a while. Things have been relatively quite in Difficult Child land. He's been bouncing back and forth between the shelter, streets, and a shared room since he was kicked out of his paid for room back in May. Anyway, he called me Sunday to let me know he'd been admitted to the hospital Saturday night. He was having chest pains and couldn't breathe so he called 911. Apparently he has been diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy which is "a disease in which the heart muscle becomes weakened, stretched, or has another structural problem. It often occurs when the heart cannot pump or function well." They don't know why this happened but it could be for a number of reasons including genetic (my mother had this as well), lifestyle, viral, drug use, or alcohol use. I haven't gone to see him (insert guilt demon here) but I have talked to him on the phone numerous times. I asked if he'd allow me to talk to his doctor and supposedly he is signing a release today. They are keeping him until at least Thursday or Friday but I don't know what he'll do after that. He's once again been banned to receive shelter from the two shelters in this county and he's also been banned for qualifying for room and board by the Office of Temporary Assistance. This is because he 100% refuses to follow any rules every time housing is set up for him. He has had at least 5 opportunities in the last 5 months to get it together and numerous opportunities before that. He'll do well at first but always reverts back to his old behaviors (and worse) as soon as he's "settled in". Last night while talking to him he started to hint around about needing a place to stay so he can recover. I knew exactly where this was leading and I tried to steer it away but that didn't work. He wants to come stay here. That can never happen. Never. We can't live a normal functioning life if he's here. One of us would have to quit our jobs to stay home with an almost 21 year old (he'll be 21 next wed) to ensure that he didn't rob us blind and use our house as a party house for his friends while we work. We would have to watch him at all times to make sure he doesn't steal while we shower, or go to the bathroom, or step outside to water the garden. We'd have to start sleeping with our doors locked because he becomes psychotic when he's manic. We can not and will not do that. Been there done that MANY times and it's never happening again. However, that's easier said then done. I am finding myself struggling with guilt big time especially since he has a legitimate sickness that could lead to death if he doesn't start taking care of himself. So what am I to do? I am at a loss. I'm thinking of contacting the hospital social worker and seeing if they have a discharge plan for homeless people in similar situations. I read online that sometimes the hospital will house them somewhere until they heal. I told Difficult Child last night and he said he didn't want to ask because it's a "waste of his time". I said "Waste of your time?? You're sitting in a hospital bed doing NOTHING. How is trying to find help for yourself a waste of time?" I was pretty disgusted at that point and quickly said good bye. That in itself shows me how unmotivated he is to better his life so I'm asking myself why am I going to once again put energy into doing something for him that he could EASILY do himself? Ugh! I'm all over the place with this! Just when I think I can cope with Difficult Child's lifestyle here comes yet another situation that I'm unfamiliar with and don't know how to handle.