trinityroyal
Well-Known Member
difficult child doesn't hate gfgSIL (J) anymore.
sister in law's funeral was yesterday. husband's other sister prepared several photo collages that included pictures of difficult child with sister in law. And husband had a long talk with difficult child about how sister in law was deeply unhappy, and she made bad choices which led to her bitterness, mean-spirited behaviour, and ultimately, to her death.
difficult child is starting to realize that sister in law didn't hate him, but that she hated herself. He's working hard to forgive her, and for the moment anyway, trying to learn from her mistakes so that he doesn't repeat them. He's also milking his grief for all it is worth with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff, but I have asked them to stick to the regular routine with him and not make any exceptions, as that would set him way back.
I know that his emotions are going to be all over the place for a while yet, until he figures out how he feels about sister in law and everything, but I'm happy to see that he's trying not to carry hate in his heart for her.
I met several of sister in law's friends for the first time at the service yesterday, and they were a collection of difficult children. Several were rip-roaring drunk, and apparently they were drinking with her all last week before she died. She, and they, knew that one more drink would kill her, and yet she chose to take that drink anyway. Seeing that crew in action made me realize how hard it must have been for sister in law. On all sides, she was surrounded. When she dried out, everything must have looked so sordid and ugly.
The memory I will cherish from yesterday's service...
When a dear family friend came in, difficult child greeted him and then in his straightforward Aspie way, said, "That's aunt J. Over there. In the box. It's small, but she was cremated, you know." (Friend and I were stifling giggles for an hour over that one)
Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. The healing has begun...for husband, for difficult child, for me, and especially I hope, for J.
Trinity
sister in law's funeral was yesterday. husband's other sister prepared several photo collages that included pictures of difficult child with sister in law. And husband had a long talk with difficult child about how sister in law was deeply unhappy, and she made bad choices which led to her bitterness, mean-spirited behaviour, and ultimately, to her death.
difficult child is starting to realize that sister in law didn't hate him, but that she hated herself. He's working hard to forgive her, and for the moment anyway, trying to learn from her mistakes so that he doesn't repeat them. He's also milking his grief for all it is worth with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff, but I have asked them to stick to the regular routine with him and not make any exceptions, as that would set him way back.
I know that his emotions are going to be all over the place for a while yet, until he figures out how he feels about sister in law and everything, but I'm happy to see that he's trying not to carry hate in his heart for her.
I met several of sister in law's friends for the first time at the service yesterday, and they were a collection of difficult children. Several were rip-roaring drunk, and apparently they were drinking with her all last week before she died. She, and they, knew that one more drink would kill her, and yet she chose to take that drink anyway. Seeing that crew in action made me realize how hard it must have been for sister in law. On all sides, she was surrounded. When she dried out, everything must have looked so sordid and ugly.
The memory I will cherish from yesterday's service...
When a dear family friend came in, difficult child greeted him and then in his straightforward Aspie way, said, "That's aunt J. Over there. In the box. It's small, but she was cremated, you know." (Friend and I were stifling giggles for an hour over that one)
Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice. The healing has begun...for husband, for difficult child, for me, and especially I hope, for J.
Trinity
